the_ouskull
10/6/2008, 11:08 PM
Friends, Romans, Countrymen...
Yeah, right... If I'm going to do Shakespeare, I'm at least going to be creative about it.
-----
No sooner had the ink dried on the newspapers proclaiming Vince Young's Tejas Longhorns the 2005 National Champions before the QB would once again have a brush with fate; this time in the form of the Wonderlic test...
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v11/sichuevos/VinceCries.gif
But, with Vince having declared for the NFL, Mack began the unenviable task of coaching an offense again. He knew that, after losing a quarterback the quality of a Vince Young, he would have to start all over. He started by reading Vince's playbook...
http://www.dkimages.com/discover/previews/891/45037146.JPG
..and then taking measures to destroy it.
http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2064/2314935571_73ff724404.jpg
Mack knew that he'd never get so lucky as to have a 6'5" tailback on campus again. He had to destroy that playbook before Colt McCoy saw it. He'd never be able to understand the complexities of the rushing / throwing QB. He's too... he's too...
http://www.atdot.at/deuxalpes-04/column/cast/psym.jpg
...that's the word. He's too
http://www.atdot.at/deuxalpes-04/column/cast/psym.jpg
But, before long, Colt was running the ball. He was running like it was Vince in 2003-2004 all over again... except for the OU games... I still remember the one where he fumbled the ball on, like, the 2 yard line. That was a freakin' blowout. Anyway, I digress...
Back to Colt, who was making a name for himself running like the wind against five teams, only two of whom have a Top 50 rushing defense. (Colorado at #30, and Arkansas at #34.)
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v11/sichuevos/StunnedAggieII.jpg
Yes, Stunned Aggie, The Sequel... as a matter of fact, I am implying that Tejas' rushing stats, and in particular those of their quarterback, may be falsely inflated.
Not that it matters, because it's not like fans are hanging their hopes on Colt's legs or anything...
- "Colt is, at this point, a more dangerous QB than Bradford. He can run and makes stuff happen out of the pocket."
- "Colt is going to be a more difficult target to hit and Colt (this year) is better at taking a hit than the OU QB."
- "McCoy's ability to make things happen outside of the pocket add[s] pressure. If OU can keep him in the pocket then he will be less effective. I don't know if they can do that. He is tough, fairly quick, and surprisingly elusive."
- "...runs for 7+ yards a carry like he's been doing."
- "...I think Colt has been smart about his running plays."
Let's just say that there's a lot of talk about Colt's legs over on Hornfans, which is to college football message boards what The O'Reilly Factor is to quality reporting. (Interestingly enough, 55% of self-identified Republicans cite O'Reilly as a better news source than ABC News, while also admitting that O'Reilly is not a news source, but a talk show host. I'd laugh at how stupid Republicans are, but I'm a big fan of the Daily Show.
-----
Back on track, man...
So, these guys:
http://www.robynsnest.com/images/normal%20uterus.jpg
...think that this guy:
http://www.autozonecontrols.com/images/RichieCunningham%20copy.jpg
Shown here, vigorously studying his playbook...
...is going to lead them to the promised land:
http://ccn1.net/POTD6/texas-longhorns-national-champions/vince-young-mack-brown.jpg
Pictured L to R; 2005's Offensive Coordinator, Head Recruiter
...against THIS guy:
http://www.collegiateimages.com/newsletter/september2006/images/image_CoachBobStoops.jpg
The
http://assets.espn.go.com/photo/2007/1202/ncf_i_stoops_300.jpg
Motherf*ckin'
http://assets.espn.go.com/photo/2008/0521/ncf_g_stoops_300.jpg
Man
-----
Since 1999, Stoops' first year at OU, he has beaten Tejas by double-digits in 5 of his 6 wins, including the 63-14
http://www.dallasnews.com/sharedcontent/dws/spt/colleges/redrivershootout/images/2000griffin_deluca_350.jpg
...and 65-13
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v11/sichuevos/OUTejas2003.jpg
games that, frankly, you will never, ever forget.
While you're at it, remember these names...
Major Applewhite, Chris Simms, Vince Young, and yes, even Colt McCoy. All of them were great QB's (sort of) while at Tejas, and they all have something else in common as well.
http://www.irishroundtable.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/01/Texas%20is%20Gay.jpg
No, not that. Well, not JUST that...
They have all lost to OU... at least twice.
Major in 2000 and 2001. Simms in... almost all of them. Young in 2003 and 2004. And Colt in 2007...
So, while your former stars have fled the riches and bright lights of the NFL for a simpler life...
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v11/sichuevos/VinceYouncleRico.gif
...your current "stars" need to be reminded of the things of which the Sooner defense is capable against running quarterbacks; the things of which Bob Stoops is capable against Mack Brown; the things of which OU is capable against Tejas...
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v11/sichuevos/UpYourAss.jpg
Pictured L to R: OU, various members of the media in the press box, Tejas
Or you can look them up... they're in the dictionary under "Bad Things, man. Bad Things."
http://www.pophistorydig.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/06/2006-07-dennis-hopper-w-book60.jpg
So, Tejas fans, be warned... I only drop knowledge. If you provoke Coach Bob Stoops, he will drop his wallet...
http://www.pulpfictionfans.com/images/tan1.jpg
..and if that happens, guess what you're going to be dropping on Saturday...
http://www.boscovs.com/wcsstore/boscovs/images/store/product/images/26361894230525.jpg
...well, that, and Colt's second game.
the_ouskull
Yeah, right... If I'm going to do Shakespeare, I'm at least going to be creative about it.
-----
No sooner had the ink dried on the newspapers proclaiming Vince Young's Tejas Longhorns the 2005 National Champions before the QB would once again have a brush with fate; this time in the form of the Wonderlic test...
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v11/sichuevos/VinceCries.gif
But, with Vince having declared for the NFL, Mack began the unenviable task of coaching an offense again. He knew that, after losing a quarterback the quality of a Vince Young, he would have to start all over. He started by reading Vince's playbook...
http://www.dkimages.com/discover/previews/891/45037146.JPG
..and then taking measures to destroy it.
http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2064/2314935571_73ff724404.jpg
Mack knew that he'd never get so lucky as to have a 6'5" tailback on campus again. He had to destroy that playbook before Colt McCoy saw it. He'd never be able to understand the complexities of the rushing / throwing QB. He's too... he's too...
http://www.atdot.at/deuxalpes-04/column/cast/psym.jpg
...that's the word. He's too
http://www.atdot.at/deuxalpes-04/column/cast/psym.jpg
But, before long, Colt was running the ball. He was running like it was Vince in 2003-2004 all over again... except for the OU games... I still remember the one where he fumbled the ball on, like, the 2 yard line. That was a freakin' blowout. Anyway, I digress...
Back to Colt, who was making a name for himself running like the wind against five teams, only two of whom have a Top 50 rushing defense. (Colorado at #30, and Arkansas at #34.)
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v11/sichuevos/StunnedAggieII.jpg
Yes, Stunned Aggie, The Sequel... as a matter of fact, I am implying that Tejas' rushing stats, and in particular those of their quarterback, may be falsely inflated.
Not that it matters, because it's not like fans are hanging their hopes on Colt's legs or anything...
- "Colt is, at this point, a more dangerous QB than Bradford. He can run and makes stuff happen out of the pocket."
- "Colt is going to be a more difficult target to hit and Colt (this year) is better at taking a hit than the OU QB."
- "McCoy's ability to make things happen outside of the pocket add[s] pressure. If OU can keep him in the pocket then he will be less effective. I don't know if they can do that. He is tough, fairly quick, and surprisingly elusive."
- "...runs for 7+ yards a carry like he's been doing."
- "...I think Colt has been smart about his running plays."
Let's just say that there's a lot of talk about Colt's legs over on Hornfans, which is to college football message boards what The O'Reilly Factor is to quality reporting. (Interestingly enough, 55% of self-identified Republicans cite O'Reilly as a better news source than ABC News, while also admitting that O'Reilly is not a news source, but a talk show host. I'd laugh at how stupid Republicans are, but I'm a big fan of the Daily Show.
-----
Back on track, man...
So, these guys:
http://www.robynsnest.com/images/normal%20uterus.jpg
...think that this guy:
http://www.autozonecontrols.com/images/RichieCunningham%20copy.jpg
Shown here, vigorously studying his playbook...
...is going to lead them to the promised land:
http://ccn1.net/POTD6/texas-longhorns-national-champions/vince-young-mack-brown.jpg
Pictured L to R; 2005's Offensive Coordinator, Head Recruiter
...against THIS guy:
http://www.collegiateimages.com/newsletter/september2006/images/image_CoachBobStoops.jpg
The
http://assets.espn.go.com/photo/2007/1202/ncf_i_stoops_300.jpg
Motherf*ckin'
http://assets.espn.go.com/photo/2008/0521/ncf_g_stoops_300.jpg
Man
-----
Since 1999, Stoops' first year at OU, he has beaten Tejas by double-digits in 5 of his 6 wins, including the 63-14
http://www.dallasnews.com/sharedcontent/dws/spt/colleges/redrivershootout/images/2000griffin_deluca_350.jpg
...and 65-13
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v11/sichuevos/OUTejas2003.jpg
games that, frankly, you will never, ever forget.
While you're at it, remember these names...
Major Applewhite, Chris Simms, Vince Young, and yes, even Colt McCoy. All of them were great QB's (sort of) while at Tejas, and they all have something else in common as well.
http://www.irishroundtable.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/01/Texas%20is%20Gay.jpg
No, not that. Well, not JUST that...
They have all lost to OU... at least twice.
Major in 2000 and 2001. Simms in... almost all of them. Young in 2003 and 2004. And Colt in 2007...
So, while your former stars have fled the riches and bright lights of the NFL for a simpler life...
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v11/sichuevos/VinceYouncleRico.gif
...your current "stars" need to be reminded of the things of which the Sooner defense is capable against running quarterbacks; the things of which Bob Stoops is capable against Mack Brown; the things of which OU is capable against Tejas...
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v11/sichuevos/UpYourAss.jpg
Pictured L to R: OU, various members of the media in the press box, Tejas
Or you can look them up... they're in the dictionary under "Bad Things, man. Bad Things."
http://www.pophistorydig.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/06/2006-07-dennis-hopper-w-book60.jpg
So, Tejas fans, be warned... I only drop knowledge. If you provoke Coach Bob Stoops, he will drop his wallet...
http://www.pulpfictionfans.com/images/tan1.jpg
..and if that happens, guess what you're going to be dropping on Saturday...
http://www.boscovs.com/wcsstore/boscovs/images/store/product/images/26361894230525.jpg
...well, that, and Colt's second game.
the_ouskull