Call to attention: Parent seeking other parents advice

[pergdaddy]

Chances are nobody has had this happen to them but here goes:

I have an older son that is in 1st grade and loves it.

Well, my youngest started pre-school this year. We sent our oldest to a private pre-school, but the school district that they go to got state funding from the State of Ohio to start a school sponsored pre-school. Well, my youngest is quite a handful. He's stubborn, funny and intelligent. When he doesn't want to do something, he won't do it. We let the school know that well in advance.

Anyway, we figured he would hate school. But the first few days of school, he loved it, however, lately he has hated it. We got him to tell us that one of the high school boys that helps out in the class is calling him a "little baby cutsie." I have no idea what that means if anything and I would love to know for my information. I ask, when does this happen, and he said when the teachers are busy.

So I go to the school and tell them what's going on and I want it stoppped. Now. THey say that they will not tolerate this and will get to the bottom of this. I have my doubts.

What's the next step if it doesn't stop since I can't beat the snot out of a 15 or 16 year old?

[JohnnyMack]

Says who?

[Fugue]

exactly, I vote beat the asssnot.

[colleyvillesooner]

word.

[Viking Kitten]

They say it will stop, but you have doubts. Why do you have doubts?

[JohnnyMack]

exactly, I vote beat the asssnot.

Cool it pal, this is a family board.

[Fugue]

Cool it pal, you're gonna lose control.

[Fugue]

Cool it pal, this is a family board.


Watch it Sippy Cup, you might be next. :eddie:

[Viking Kitten]

Cool it pal, you're gonna lose control.

"Fugue-y, Johnny, Ricky and Mike, if I like a girl who cares who you like..."

[yermom]

you could also start teaching the kid that ignoring stuff like that is the best way to make it stop ;)

if the other kids see that something like that gets a rise out of him, it's going to keep happening

[Fugue]

or teach him to go all "new inmate" and lash out in a great way at the first punk who messes with him. :texan:

[JohnnyMack]

Watch it Sippy Cup, you might be next. :eddie:

It's not funny! It ****ing hurts!

Actually, it doesn't hurt that bad. I still think I should go to the Dr. for some Lortab....errr....so he can take a look at it.

[yermom]

or teach him to go all "new inmate" and lash out in a great way at the first punk who messes with him. :texan:

yeah, on the first day, either beat up the biggest guy, or become someone's bitch

[pergdaddy]

VK,

just because I know how teenagers are. I just have a feeling that no matter if my son tells the teachers who it was that the kid will just deny it.
The one teacher, I coached her daughter in tee ball last year, she seemed to be genuinely concerned that something like that was going on but the other teacher I couldn't gauge anything from her.

I'm a skeptic by nature. So my natural side is coming out. I have faith that something will happen so that I don't have to force the issue, but I'm also skeptical enough to know how teens operate. I'm only 12 years removed from being one although these times are way different from when I was a teen.

[Frozen Sooner]

Move to Nebraska. Drop him off at a hospital.

[yermom]

i never did get an answer, do you have to move there, or can you just take a road trip?

[pergdaddy]

Yermom,
My son is 4. The kid is a teenager that's helping the teachers. My son doesn't quite understand what joking is nor does he know how to ignore stuff yet. Plus he hates being called a baby. He's never acted like a baby because he's always tried to be like his big brother. He's probably more intelligent than some of the 7 year olds I know (yes I know I'm somewhat biased :).)

I've told both of my kids from day one, if you are getting bullied around, beat the snot out of them, then go tell the teacher you did it and have them call me.

[pergdaddy]

Mike,
Who? The teen?

[Viking Kitten]

VK,

just because I know how teenagers are. I just have a feeling that no matter if my son tells the teachers who it was that the kid will just deny it.
The one teacher, I coached her daughter in tee ball last year, she seemed to be genuinely concerned that something like that was going on but the other teacher I couldn't gauge anything from her.

I'm a skeptic by nature. So my natural side is coming out. I have faith that something will happen so that I don't have to force the issue, but I'm also skeptical enough to know how teens operate. I'm only 12 years removed from being one although these times are way different from when I was a teen.

I'd give the teacher a chance to resolve the situation. You said your piece, she said she'll fix it. Let it go unless your son says it's continuing. Although I will say teenagers, boys in particular, helping out with pre-K age kids does seem a little... odd.

You should also probably try to keep your skepticism to yourself. You need to be fostering a good attitude about school with your son right now. Showing him that you don't trust his teachers sets a bad example. Showing him you are on his side if there is a problem is good, so you've done that. In my experience, any problem we've ever had with a teacher was resolved through simple communication.

[Frozen Sooner]

Your child. You can't abandon someone else's at the hospital, I don't think.

[OklahomaRed]

Put a wire on him. :D

Do you know any other teenagers in town? Go solicit them to beat the crap out of the classroom helper.

[Fugue]

Although I will say teenagers, boys in particular, helping out with pre-K age kids does seem a little... odd.


Completely agree. Have your son tell this jackazz kid to go get a date.

That really would be hilarious coming from a 4 year old.

[frankensooner]

Mike did you read the title of this thread? Did you have puppies? ;) Good luck on the LSAT.


And give the school a chance to fix this pergdaddy. If it isn't resolved teach the boy the proper way to kick the teen in the nads. ;)

[stoops the eternal pimp]

get Duke Robinson to take care of it..

Seriously tho, I would allow the school the opportunity to deal with it, but I would be calling on a daily basis to see what had happened and how they dealt with it....


Then call Duke

[Frozen Sooner]

Mike did you read the title of this thread? Did you have puppies? ;) Good luck on the LSAT.

Sometimes that which you seek is not what you find.

If you try sometimes you just might find you get what you need.

Ooo yeah.

[pergdaddy]

Is that the Koolaid man hiding behind the name Mike Rich ? Ooo yeah.

Just kidding. Seriously, I hope you were kidding about dropping my kid off.

VK and the rest, I'm allowing the teacher to take care of it first. I guess my questions was more of what happens if she doesn't take care of it. Our first option is to go directly to the Superintendent of our school district.

And I wanted my son to tell him to kiss his arse OR were you dropped on your head as a child. Somehow a 4 year olds memory is only good when it comes to cartoons and toys.

If anyone has seen the movie trailer for Role Models with Paul Rudd and Sean William Scott, they have to enter a mentoring program to avoid jail, well Stiffler gets stuck with this little black kid. When they first meet the kid is doing something at a table and Stiffler sits down and the first thing the kid says is "No I will not take off my pants for you." I digress.

VK, I do not allow my temper, skepticism or cynical side to me be evident around my children. I'm trying to bring them up as best as I can, but they need to make decisions on things on their own based on what they think, not what I think. I'm just trying to steer them the right way without actually telling them what to do. I've learned the hard way that children are always paying attention even when you don't think they are.

[Frozen Sooner]

No, that'd be OH YEAH!

Admittedly, I do look a bit like the Kool Aid Man when wearing an OU jersey.

And yes, I was absolutely kidding about abandoning your kid. There's been some stories in the news about how NE's child abandonment law can be used to drop off non-infants-and just was.

[pergdaddy]

And VK, yes it seemed odd to me that they would allow the HS boys to help out. My boy said the girls that come in and help out during the day don't do namecalling. i know as a 15 and 16 year old boy, I wouldn't want to help/teach children. I didn't have the patience nor the ability to communicate with kids that young. I'm from a small family, so not a lot of little ones came onto the scene after me.

Not to say there aren't HS boys that can deal with it, just find it odd too. I find it odd in general that they have high school kids helping out in the first place. They need a teachers aide. THere are two teachers for 20 kids and roughly 3-4 helpers.

[pergdaddy]

Was it a Machoman Oooo Yeah?

Don't say that about yourself. Say, "I look like the Kool Aid man except for the guns, do you have a ticket to the gun show?"

I kind of figured you were joking, but wanted to make sure and I do remember either you or somebody in another thread talking about the leaving kids off somewhere topic.

[Frozen Sooner]

Heh. No, it was a Mick Jagger "Oooo yeah"

[Viking Kitten]

And VK, yes it seemed odd to me that they would allow the HS boys to help out. My boy said the girls that come in and help out during the day don't do namecalling. i know as a 15 and 16 year old boy, I wouldn't want to help/teach children. I didn't have the patience nor the ability to communicate with kids that young. I'm from a small family, so not a lot of little ones came onto the scene after me.

Not to say there aren't HS boys that can deal with it, just find it odd too. I find it odd in general that they have high school kids helping out in the first place. They need a teachers aide. THere are two teachers for 20 kids and roughly 3-4 helpers.

Sounds to me like this teenage boy in particular has no business "helping out" with little kids. If the kid is doing it when the teachers are "busy" they more than likely don't know it's happening.

If it doesn't stop, talk to the teacher one more time. Tell her you know she's got her hands full, but this boy needs to go. Be calm and reasonable. Explain to her she's being victimized too. Ask her to go the principal with you to discuss the situation. Make her feel like she's a partner in solving the problem.

[NormanPride]

Absolutely. Making sure the teacher is in on the process helps motivate her to pay even more attention. Very good advice, VK.

[pergdaddy]

yes norman, that is very good advice from VK. I shall use that knowledge in my pursuit for justice. Thank you.

Seriously, I never thought of that. That's definitely a good point in keeping the teacher involved.

[Penguin]

Normally, I would recommend a good throat punch. Given their difference in sizes, I recommend a roundhouse punch to the junk.

[Viking Kitten]

yes norman, that is very good advice from VK. I shall use that knowledge in my pursuit for justice. Thank you.

Seriously, I never thought of that. That's definitely a good point in keeping the teacher involved.


What can I say? I know how to kiss a** really well.:D

[Soonrboy]

We have some students from Mt. Saint Mary's who come help out in the classrooms as part of their community service stuff.

VK is right, let the teacher take care of it. If it doesn't stop, tell the principal.

[OUthunder]

Give the school a financial donation and all will be taken care of.

[8timechamps]

Maybe it's just me, but if this had happened to my kids, I would give the school one chance to correct the situation, then I would show up and talk to the young man in question (in front of the teachers...so there is no "twisting" the conversation).

[pergdaddy]

8time,
that is the next step. I dropped him off at school yesterday and last night he told us the kid was in the class and called him it again. He said he couldn't get the teachers attention. the teacher sent us an email late yesterday assuring us she will find out what's going on. He's 4, I doubt he's not scared enough to point someone out.

But the next step will also involve the Superintendent of schools.

I also found it intriguing that, and I know it is an issue, that when I brought up about the name calling that in their response back was that my son can be stubborn and not do what they ask. And then my mother-in-law picked him up after school yesterday and they told him he was being difficult that day. Thing is, we're going to stop him from being so stubborn, but we also warned them on more than one occasion before school started of how stubborn he can be and you just have to be patient with him. He's not stupid, on the contrary he's smart for his age but he's also very stubborn. They actually had a handout before school where we had to discuss any characteristics that the teachers should know about and we told them yet again that he can be stubborn and sometimes won't cooperate.

The problem I have with that is if he has been being difficult over the last month why are they now just telling us?

I'm bout to go all Chuck Norris on somebody. I gotta go get me some Red Bull.

:)

[pergdaddy]

I don't want to be the difficult parent, but until he gets older and can take care of his own things in school, it's my duty and right to fight for him against things that i perceive that are not just.

Now the problem begins if it continues and we pull him out of school and send him to the private pre-school in town, they will hold it against us and not allow him into kindergarten when it's time. Ohio has open enrollment and if you're outside of the district you have to be accepted into that district.

[RacerX]

#1 - don't start teaching your kid to act like a jack-***. Trying to arm him with words to combat a high school kid won't go well. Telling him to beat-up other kids? Weak.

#2 - continue to pursue the issue with the higher ups at that particular school, before escalating it further.

#3 - work on your kid's attitude. Yeah, I know he's 4. I've got a 3 and a 6.

#4 - like VK said, a high school boy helping out with pre-k? That's just ****ing weird. Here, mom's help out.

#5 - schedule an appointment, before school with the teacher and the dork. Don't let them veer from the purpose of the meeting.

[Soonrboy]

Okay, so your son is stubborn. The teacher tells you this and you want to pull him out and put him in a private school? Is that going to stop him from being stubborn. When a teacher tells a student to do something and the child refuses to do it, what would you like for them to do? You said he is a smart boy. Are they questioning that?

There is step between the teacher and the superintendent, talk to the principal. I'm a principal myself. This boy making fun of your son doesn't need to be in that room. The teacher probably doesn't have the power to tell him not to come back, but the principal can and should. No need to involve the superintendent, his first question will be, "have you talked to the principal yet."

I would advise not to confront the boy. He has parents, too, looking out for his well-being, and would not want a strange adult confronting him and making threats.

Good luck.

[8timechamps]

I would advise not to confront the boy. He has parents, too, looking out for his well-being, and would not want a strange adult confronting him and making threats.



Nobody said anything about making threats. Who cares if his parents are upset by it...apparently the school isn't going to deal with it.

I have a 13 year old, and if he were involved with something like that, and I found out that a parent of another (small) child had to talk to my kid...he'd have more that the other parent to worry about.

And for the record, moms aren't the only ones that "should" help. I help with my youngest son's class one day a week. Every week.

[Soonrboy]

Nobody said anything about making threats. .


Maybe I should have said intimidating.

[8timechamps]

Maybe I should have said intimidating.

gotcha.

[yermom]

8time,
that is the next step. I dropped him off at school yesterday and last night he told us the kid was in the class and called him it again. He said he couldn't get the teachers attention. the teacher sent us an email late yesterday assuring us she will find out what's going on. He's 4, I doubt he's not scared enough to point someone out.

But the next step will also involve the Superintendent of schools.

I also found it intriguing that, and I know it is an issue, that when I brought up about the name calling that in their response back was that my son can be stubborn and not do what they ask. And then my mother-in-law picked him up after school yesterday and they told him he was being difficult that day. Thing is, we're going to stop him from being so stubborn, but we also warned them on more than one occasion before school started of how stubborn he can be and you just have to be patient with him. He's not stupid, on the contrary he's smart for his age but he's also very stubborn. They actually had a handout before school where we had to discuss any characteristics that the teachers should know about and we told them yet again that he can be stubborn and sometimes won't cooperate.

The problem I have with that is if he has been being difficult over the last month why are they now just telling us?

I'm bout to go all Chuck Norris on somebody. I gotta go get me some Red Bull.

:)

is it possible that the HS kid is just responding to him being "stubborn"?

of course, the idea that a kid that has to do community service would be helping out a pre-school sounds like a great idea :D

[badger]

Ok, not a parent (whew!), but I can assist with high school assistant duties through that experience:

VOLUNTEER.

Seriously. If you know when this high schooler is coming to your kid's room, get some time off work or whatever you're doing at that moment and be a parent volunteer. Teachers love help in the classroom (because funding is never there for permanent aides, lol) and this way, you can confront the high schooler yourself or perhaps even catch him in the act.

If you can't find out when the guy will be there, perhaps you can just take an entire school day (isn't preschool only half a day anyways?) to help out in the classroom.

[Taxman71]

If you can afford it, hire this guy to follow your kid around:

http://originsgenomeresources.net/musings/wp-content/uploads/2007/11/ab_bg_037.jpg

[pergdaddy]

First of all, my son is 4, the kid doing it is 15, so X, I'm not teaching him to beat up other kids.

I will not confront a high school kid. I'm not that stupid. If I did, it would be with the teachers present or the superintendent. My bad, our grade school principal is in another building, but you all were referring to the high school principal, which is a good step.

Me and my wife are working on his attitude. We know it needs changed, we've been trying. For the most part he is getting better, but it's going to take some time.

Mom's don't help out as far as I know. Only with parties. It's the first year ever for a school sponsored pre-school in our school district so they are still figuring things out. I understand that and that is why I went to them in a nice but firm way about this. They have 20 kids between two teachers in the class, so I know the day is hectic anyway.

I figure to give this time. If the teachers are watching for it, it's just a matter of time before they find it. I will allow them time to do their job.

I just want to know why he is calling him names. If it's in a joking manner, that's fine, but I don't like it and I want it stopped. High school boys shouldn't be calling 4 year olds names. Just my opinion.

Boy, no I'm not wanting to pull him out because he is stubborn. I want to pull him out if they are not going to deal with the situation, which I am allowing them time to find and correct. My issue with it is that my son has been in school for 3 weeks now and we heard nothing about the difficulties with him until I brought something up. I think the two are tied together.

Anyways, enough about my bad parenting and my children, who's OU play this week?

[pergdaddy]

I meant I think the two are tied together in that the namecalling with the stubbornness. i didn't know if that was clear.

[badger]

Ok, when I said "confront," I didn't mean kick the high schooler's arse or threaten him or whatever. I meant to talk to him in the presence of the teacher.

I still think it would be a good idea for the classroom to get parents involved in addition to, or instead of high school students. The transition from full-time with parents to spending a few hours away in a new environment can be tough for pre-k kids, so having a familiar face around might help. Plus, wouldn't teachers like an extra set of eyes and an assistant?

[RacerX]

I meant I think the two are tied together in that the namecalling with the stubbornness. i didn't know if that was clear.

Namecalling = the kid is 15 and probably doesn't realize the issues he's causing or likes to pick on people in general~a button pusher.

[badger]

If the four-year-old starts uncontrollably crying, that might solve the problem right there. High School Bully, you made a pre-k kid cry. Never come back. There, there, kid. He's just a big bully and he won't be back.

So there you have it - solution that doesn't involve name calling or beating the teen to a pulp :D

[yermom]

If you can afford it, hire this guy to follow your kid around:

http://originsgenomeresources.net/musings/wp-content/uploads/2007/11/ab_bg_037.jpg

it works for Chuck :D

[proud gonzo]

If the four-year-old starts uncontrollably crying, that might solve the problem right there. High School Bully, you made a pre-k kid cry. Never come back. There, there, kid. He's just a big bully and he won't be back.

So there you have it - solution that doesn't involve name calling or beating the teen to a pulp :D
yeah, and then all the OTHER 4-year-olds can pick on him for crying. :rolleyes: Great solution.

[Triumph]

I know this is a touchy subject. So I'm going to tread lightly, but throw my opinion in here. I am a parent of a 4 year old girl and a 1 year old boy. Having children can be a very humbling experience.

My four year old daughter vary rarely cried as a baby, is generally very good with her maners, and if she is acting up I can usually shoot a look and she will stop.

Now as I am learning, she is not like that because of our parenting skills, but I would like to think of it as a small part.

My one year old son however, don't get me started. He is loud, I mean we can't take him out to eat anymore loud, very messy and always into something. I can tell it is going to be much different with him.

That being said I think this is a great opportunity to use this as a teachable moment for your child.

First off, I think you should give the 15 year old maybe a bit more slack. Maybe the 15 year old is just "kidding around" with your son and your son doesn't understand. Now I get the fact that most 15 year olds don't get that some little kids don't like to be kidded with, but I doubt the 15 year old is trying to be malicious.

I do agree with you that if this is something that is important to you and your family that the teacher by now probably should have addressed this issue more appropriately. That being said here is my "holier than though" point"

(stepping on to soap box)

Look, your kid is going to get picked on, he is going to have to deal with people, even as a four year old, that maybe aren't the nicest to him. If this was another 4 year old saying this to your child, would you be this upset?

I know it is hard, but a child being "stubborn" is a character trait, but like you said that doesn't make him stupid. So he is smart enough to learn over time to deal with people are being an ***. I think you can use this as an opportunity to find ways to for your son to deal with people, or deal with life. Because as you know their is always that kid in class that is a bully or just mean and the sooner you at least attempt to address this the better off he will be.

I know you said you had talked to your son about ways to deal with it, but to me you seem to be focused on the 15 year old and the teacher. You can't pull your kid out of school everytime your child has been wronged, be it by a child or a teacher/authority figure.

And please, please, please, do not speak poorly of your child's teacher in front of your child. Like you said, children are always watching. Children disrespecting teachers and adults in general is way to common these days. And to me, that goes hand in hand in with the way parents treat teachers these days. How teachers put up with some parents is beyond me.

My wife and I have promised each other that we try to never speak poorly of a teacher in front of our child. And if there were an issue with a teacher that we would deal with it differently in front of our children that we would if they were not around. Basically, we are going to side with the teacher until he/she gives a big reason not to.

(steps off soap box)

I hope my post helps.