bri
9/14/2008, 11:53 PM
Heh. (http://blog.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog.view&friendID=67077201&blogID=433116038)
INT. – CONFERENCE ROOM – DAY
HANS GRUBER, German criminal mastermind, meets with a crew of international, professional thieves.
HANS GRUBER
Thank you all for coming. I trust your respective flights were uneventful.
(reads from a Filofax)
Your presence indicates to me that each of you has reviewed my plan for the Nakatomi heist, and that you've agreed to participate. You will each receive a generous share of the $640 million in negotiable bearer bonds we will steal from the vault.
THEO
Hate to speak out of turn, but I had a question about that.
MARCO
We all did, as a matter of fact.
HANS
Oh?
THEO
Yeah. And since I'm the one with the charming personality, I'll elect myself group spokesperson.
(he turns to the Karl and Tony)
Guten tag?
They both **** their heads, confused.
HANS
They're Swedish.
THEO
Oopsie. I keep forgetting. I owe you guys a Swiss Miss.
Uli eyes a bowl of M&Ms in the middle of the conference table. Eddie watches Uli intently.
EDDIE
(under his breath)
C'mon…c'mon, just take one.
ULI
I heard that.
EDDIE
Well, you've been eyein' them candies ever since you got in here.
ULI
Well, I'm a nervous eater. I've got a wicked sweet tooth when I'm nervous.
HANS
What is there to be nervous about?
THEO
Well, there's one hole in the plan. At least, there's one detail you've left out.
HANS
Every conceivable detail has been paid attention to.
THEO
Except the electromagnetic lock on the vault. You know I can't crack it. None of us can.
HANS
I've got that all figured out.
THEO
Well, could you maybe share it with us? That's what we're all nervous about. We like the whole blowing the roof to cover our escape, and the driving away in the ambulance during all the confusion.
KARL
But we've all invested a lot of time and money, not to mention many of us have traveled a long way.
MARCO
All the way from Italy, in my case! I am almost out of my favorite cigarettes!
THEO
So we need you to tell us exactly how you'll crack the electromagnetic lock.
Hans stares everyone down. This is a crucial moment, and will decide whether these sober, risk-averse professionals will proceed.
HANS
I would much rather surprise you with the solution during the heist.
THEO
You're serious? All of this build-up, and we're going to have to take it on faith you've got it worked out, plus be excited about it being a surprise?
HANS
Yes.
Everyone stares at Hans, then at each other. This does not look good.
Then:
KARL
Okay!
THEO
Yep! I think I speak for everyone when I say a surprise might be kind of fun!
MARCO
It's worth the risk!
HANS
I'm so pleased.
Uli finally steps back from the M&Ms. He doesn't take one.
KARL
(to Eddie)
Told you.
EDDIE
Damn, I had fifty bucks on this guy.
He hands a fifty dollar bill over to Karl, and everyone leaves the room.
INT. – CONFERENCE ROOM – DAY
HANS GRUBER, German criminal mastermind, meets with a crew of international, professional thieves.
HANS GRUBER
Thank you all for coming. I trust your respective flights were uneventful.
(reads from a Filofax)
Your presence indicates to me that each of you has reviewed my plan for the Nakatomi heist, and that you've agreed to participate. You will each receive a generous share of the $640 million in negotiable bearer bonds we will steal from the vault.
THEO
Hate to speak out of turn, but I had a question about that.
MARCO
We all did, as a matter of fact.
HANS
Oh?
THEO
Yeah. And since I'm the one with the charming personality, I'll elect myself group spokesperson.
(he turns to the Karl and Tony)
Guten tag?
They both **** their heads, confused.
HANS
They're Swedish.
THEO
Oopsie. I keep forgetting. I owe you guys a Swiss Miss.
Uli eyes a bowl of M&Ms in the middle of the conference table. Eddie watches Uli intently.
EDDIE
(under his breath)
C'mon…c'mon, just take one.
ULI
I heard that.
EDDIE
Well, you've been eyein' them candies ever since you got in here.
ULI
Well, I'm a nervous eater. I've got a wicked sweet tooth when I'm nervous.
HANS
What is there to be nervous about?
THEO
Well, there's one hole in the plan. At least, there's one detail you've left out.
HANS
Every conceivable detail has been paid attention to.
THEO
Except the electromagnetic lock on the vault. You know I can't crack it. None of us can.
HANS
I've got that all figured out.
THEO
Well, could you maybe share it with us? That's what we're all nervous about. We like the whole blowing the roof to cover our escape, and the driving away in the ambulance during all the confusion.
KARL
But we've all invested a lot of time and money, not to mention many of us have traveled a long way.
MARCO
All the way from Italy, in my case! I am almost out of my favorite cigarettes!
THEO
So we need you to tell us exactly how you'll crack the electromagnetic lock.
Hans stares everyone down. This is a crucial moment, and will decide whether these sober, risk-averse professionals will proceed.
HANS
I would much rather surprise you with the solution during the heist.
THEO
You're serious? All of this build-up, and we're going to have to take it on faith you've got it worked out, plus be excited about it being a surprise?
HANS
Yes.
Everyone stares at Hans, then at each other. This does not look good.
Then:
KARL
Okay!
THEO
Yep! I think I speak for everyone when I say a surprise might be kind of fun!
MARCO
It's worth the risk!
HANS
I'm so pleased.
Uli finally steps back from the M&Ms. He doesn't take one.
KARL
(to Eddie)
Told you.
EDDIE
Damn, I had fifty bucks on this guy.
He hands a fifty dollar bill over to Karl, and everyone leaves the room.