Please keep my wife in your prayers...

[SoonerStormchaser]

Some of you knew already about my wife being pregnant.

...well, not anymore. We're now on miscarriage #3 and she's going to have another D&C done on Friday at noon. She's pretty devastated...and I'm having my moments too.

I've officially pulled myself off a scheduled two week TDY to NY next week...cause she's my top priority at this point.

Please don't give me the spiel of "Your wife is 46, you should have known better," cause I'd probably go ape**** worse than I did on 20xx last week. My wife is healthy, she's gotten consistent clean bills of health from her OB/GYN...who said she's healthier than most women in their mid-30's. We know of the risks...and it still sucks *** when this happens.

At this point, I can safely say we're done actively trying...I cannot willingly keep putting her though this. I married her for her...trying to have a child of our own was a mutual decision...but I first want a healthy, SANE, wife.

I'm not angry at God for this happening to us yet again, but I'm wondering why. Why is it that two people who try so hard for this get the total shaft...while there are others who willingly choose to kill their unborn children because they're ****ing cowards and don't want to accept responsibility for their actions (rape, incest, life-of-mother/child aside)?


Anyways...please say a prayer for Carolyn tonight. We might still be coming to the TG on Saturday...it's all up to her at this point. I'm just going to be there next to her as we walk down this path...

[StoopTroup]

These things happen.

Your Wife and you and your lost children are in our prayers.

Sounds like your doing and saying all the right things.

God Bless.

ST

[sooner_born_1960]

Sorry to hear this news, SSC. You all will be in my prayers.

[stoopified]

Some of you knew already about my wife being pregnant.

...well, not anymore. We're now on miscarriage #3 and she's going to have another D&C done on Friday at noon. She's pretty devastated...and I'm having my moments too.

I've officially pulled myself off a scheduled two week TDY to NY next week...cause she's my top priority at this point.

Please don't give me the spiel of "Your wife is 46, you should have known better," cause I'd probably go ape**** worse than I did on 20xx last week. My wife is healthy, she's gotten consistent clean bills of health from her OB/GYN...who said she's healthier than most women in their mid-30's. We know of the risks...and it still sucks *** when this happens.

At this point, I can safely say we're done actively trying...I cannot willingly keep putting her though this. I married her for her...trying to have a child of our own was a mutual decision...but I first want a healthy, SANE, wife.

I'm not angry at God for this happening to us yet again, but I'm wondering why. Why is it that two people who try so hard for this get the total shaft...while there are others who willingly choose to kill their unborn children because they're ****ing cowards and don't want to accept responsibility for their actions (rape, incest, life-of-mother/child aside)?


Anyways...please say a prayer for Carolyn tonight. We might still be coming to the TG on Saturday...it's all up to her at this point. I'm just going to be there next to her as we walk down this path...I feel for you brother.My wife was 36 and 39 when my two boys were born and I know how hard it was for her.Our last son nearly killed her and was born 5 weeks early.

I also know about miscarraiges as my mother had 2 before I was born,and at least 2 more after I was born.I pray that you and your wife have the strength to perservere.Finally I would say to you that if God wills that you have a child it WILL come to pass,after all Abraham and Sara were in their nineties when they became parents.

Stand fast brother,my prayers are with you.

[OUHOMER]

Keep the chin up, you guys are back in my prayers...

[Boomer.....]

Sorry to hear that. Prayers sent.

[r5TPsooner]

Thoughts & prayers your way. I know this doesn't ease the pain but adoption is always an option too. Keep it in the back of your mind during times like these because there are kids in this country just begging for a good home.

[Soonerus]

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your wife...

[Ike]

You're both in my thoughts. We went through one a couple of years ago, and it still sometimes eats at my wife, even though she knows that there's no good reason for it too.

A couple friends of ours went through 3 themselves before having their first (and now second) kid.

[Turd_Ferguson]

You guy's are in my thought's and prayer's. God bless.

[olevetonahill]

Dayum Bro :(

[Chuck Bao]

Carolyn and you are in my thoughts and prayers.

[SoonerBOI]

hearfelt prayers for you...

[NormanPride]

Sorry, man. I don't think there's anything we can say other than that.

[SoonerStormchaser]

Thanks guys for the support and kind words.

I'm just glad that, unlike the last two, I'll actually be home to take care of her.

[OKC-SLC]

SSC, I'm sorry to hear about this. Whatever is meant to happen will happen.

I know this: Few could have stared down the trials you two have made it through over the last while.

[Harry Beanbag]

Sorry, man. I don't think there's anything we can say other than that.


Ditto. :(

[King Crimson]

hang in there SSC. she's got you to be there. that's good.

[stoops the eternal pimp]

hang in there boss....prayers for you and your family....

[swardboy]

Pardon me, but I thought that was you and your wife in your sig.....waaay younger looking than what you're saying!!! Correct me if I'm wrong.

Anyway, the first wife and I went through this in the early '80's, but I still remember the personal attachment we already felt with the little one. It was a real feeling of loss and of a future. Fortunately God did restore the years the locusts took away.........

[85Sooner]

ALL our thoughts and Prayers to you and Carolyn. We wish you well through this tough time. 85

[Okla-homey]

Hang in there. The Lord knows best. Trust Him.

[Jerk]

Bad things happen to good people:(

[SoonerStormchaser]

Bad things happen to good people:(

Yah...I'm still trying to figure out why.

[Okla-homey]

Yah...I'm still trying to figure out why.


I know it hurts, but there's worse things than losing a pregnancy. If you come this Saturday, I'll share.

[Preservation Parcels]

Praying for you and your wife. Having my husband with me through our miscarriages made all the difference. Good for you for having your priorities straight.


P.S. After a miscarriage, we had our twin sons. Friends of my parents were surprised with their last son when they were 52. Other friends had a daughter when the mother was 45, and still other friends had twin daughters when the mother was 47. There's still much reason to pray and hope.

[Williesan]

Prayers sent and hang in there!

Williesan

[AggieTool]

Grieve for now and be there for her.

Later, when both of your heads clear, you can explore options.

The good news is there IS options for those wanting to raise a child as their own.

Not much into the God's will thing, but nature's will is another story.

Regardless....my sympathies.:(

[sooner n houston]

Done. So sorry, may God bless y'all!

[Curly Bill]

So sorry...Prayers sent.

[colleyvillesooner]

So sorry...your doing a good job being there for her.

[royalfan5]

my condolences.

[GottaHavePride]

Dang, SSC.

The wife of one of my friends went through that. Hang in there.

[TMcGee86]

Really really sorry.

Prayers sent.

[Tailwind]

Oh, I am so sorry this happened. Trying to figure out why will make you crazy. But you are being there for each other and that will help alot. God bless the two of you.

[OU-HSV]

Sorry this has happened to your wife and you, I can't imagine what you both are going through. Stay strong and I hope the pain of such a loss somehow leaves you soon.
Hang in there.

[RUSH LIMBAUGH is my clone!]

Dayum Bro :(Dittos, man!

[Jimminy Crimson]

Prayers to the SSC family.

Have had many friends in your shoes. Hang in there.

[Frozen Sooner]

Sorry, man. May you find peace.

[Blue]

good luck. Prayers sent

[Hot Rod]

Lifting you guys up in prayer. We had this happen to us once and I can't imagine what you are going through. May God give you peace about it and in turn bless you through this.

[TheHumanAlphabet]

Prayers to your family.

Perhaps God will show you another path.

[SoonerStormchaser]

Update...

Carolyn's not 100% sure she can do the D&C without another ultrasound, if at all. She's not ready to give up on this yet. At this point, neither am I. Part of me wants it to be done and over with, but part of me is still holding out hope.

I'm going to talk to her boss this afternoon (she's taking the next few days off) to let him know what's going on. Her co-workers and her boss didn't even know she was pregnant this time because they were royal *** pricks during the last two m/c's (one of them even told me, "Well, she's got three other kids, what more does she want?" Hey ****wad...you're talking to the father of a dead child here!) and I'm going in to make sure that what's happened before doesn't happen again. She's been promised a transfer to another department in mid-September...I'm gonna try to get that expedited.

We're prolly gonna meet with our priest this afternoon, because this is turning into a crisis of faith for both of us. We're not angry at God...not by a longshot. We're just wondering why...

So at this point, we're still up in the air as far as what we're gonna do...it's all in Carolyn's and God's hands. I'm just along for the ride. I guess at this point, the only thing I'm risking is an almost certain Academy Award nomination for Best Supporting Actor.

I can't thank you guys enough for your kind words and sympathies...I hope to thank y'all in person on Saturday.

[olevetonahill]

So are you saying Yall aint sure she Lost the Baby ?

[SoonerStormchaser]

Well, no bleeding yet...no degradation of the fetal sac. But she's 10 weeks along...they barely found a fetal pole...it measured 7 weeks...no heartbeat.

I guess, at this point, she's not willing to completely throw in the towel, so she wants to get a second opinion. I dunno...she's changing her mind every few hours. I'm just going to support her whatever she chooses.

[olevetonahill]

2nd Opinions aint a Bad thing. Good Luck

[pergdaddy]

When she comes to a decision, I believe God will have a hand in that.

I could never explain to you or anybody why God does what he does or allows to happen because I can never figure it out either. Life is complicated and short and the answers are hard to find.

Tell the assclowns where she works that just because she has 3 other kids doesn't make it right that she cannot have a 4th. That is a decision that the two of you made out of love for each other and family. His opinion is meaningless and trivial and if she takes any crap for this, you should tell him you are going to go all Jack Bauer on his ***.

You and your wife are in my prayers and I hope that whatever decision that your wife arrives at, that both of you are at some sort of peace with the decision. I cannot imagine the pain of going through what you have. I can only give you my sympathies and hope for the best.

You seem to be handling yourself as best as you can for your wife's peace of mind and to be there for her.
Again, I pray that God is listening and I pray for you and your wife.

[SoonerStormchaser]

Well, she's on the phone right now...

[SoonerStormchaser]

Tell the assclowns where she works that just because she has 3 other kids doesn't make it right that she cannot have a 4th. That is a decision that the two of you made out of love for each other and family. His opinion is meaningless and trivial and if she takes any crap for this, you should tell him you are going to go all Jack Bauer on his ***.


Well perg, the thing that royally pissed me off about his statement was that it doesn't matter that she has three children already...I HAVE NONE...I JUST LOST ONE! I AM STANDING RIGHT IN ****ING FRONT OF YOU!

I would go all Chuck Norris on a few of them, but I don't think the mighty USAF would let me stay as a flyboy after that...and that matters to me more than what those mother****ers think, say or do. As I've told my wife: she can quit her job if she wants, she's got my support. Money isn't a factor (especially since I get a pay raise in another month when I put on 1st Lieutenant).

[TheHumanAlphabet]

Hey congrats on the LT - junior grade! ;)

[TMcGee86]

You could always have her stay home one day and then accidentally drop a smart bomb on her boss's office.

just... puttin it out there.

[SoonerStormchaser]

Yah...except I don't have those types of connections...yet.

[stoops the eternal pimp]

people and their ignorance...thats why people need to learn to keep their mouth shut...If its not an "I'm sorry" or "Is there anything I can do for you?" then don't say it...

SSC still with ya man....

[StoopTroup]

Sometimes though people say things they wish they could take back but just leaving it there and never doing it again may always be the best thing.

[Chuck Bao]

I'm not understanding how some people can be so insensitive and selfish. But, they are and you will probably find them everywhere. Just ignore them and take care of Carolyn. I'm still there supporting you two.

[Preservation Parcels]

Still praying.


The next part is for other people to read.


people and their ignorance...thats why people need to learn to keep their mouth shut...If its not an "I'm sorry" or "Is there anything I can do for you?" then don't say it.

After a miscarriage or other unexplainable sadness, it's hard to be around people for a while. Most people mean well. Even so, stupid, hurtful things come out of their mouths. They try to make you feel better by saying something they intend to be sympathetic, and as the words roll out, a look of fear comes over their faces. They realize that what they're saying is wrong, yet they can't stop themselves. Then, you find yourself telling them it's okay, and you end up trying to make them feel better for saying something stupid, and it's just harder in the long run. Stoops is right.

[Ike]

Well, no bleeding yet...no degradation of the fetal sac. But she's 10 weeks along...they barely found a fetal pole...it measured 7 weeks...no heartbeat.

I guess, at this point, she's not willing to completely throw in the towel, so she wants to get a second opinion. I dunno...she's changing her mind every few hours. I'm just going to support her whatever she chooses.

This is exactly how we found out about ours...My wife started ejecting (I have no idea what the right word is for that) literally minutes before the D&C was supposed to happen.

Let her change her mind. If she wants a second opinion, go get one. From what I'm told (and don't take it from me, because while I am lots of things, a medical expert isn't one of them), that if the ultrasound doesn't find a heartbeat, there probably isn't one there to be found.

If getting a second opinion means erasing all doubt, by all means, do it. I could think of nothing worse than a woman going in for a D&C thinking that there might be a chance, however slim, that there was no miscarriage in the first place.


Oh, and the retards who say stupid things at a time like this...well, I don't have any real good advice other than to ignore them, and make a mental note that those are people who really shouldn't be listened to in the future. (and maybe let them know that they have been marked as such).


My wife and I are both keeping you two in our thoughts.

[SoonerStormchaser]

This sums it up perfectly:

Psychological aspects

Although a woman physically recovers from a miscarriage quickly, psychological recovery for parents in general can take a long time. People differ a lot in this regard: some are 'over it' after a few months, others take more than a year. Still others may feel relief or other less negative emotions.

For those who do go through a process of grief, it is often as if the baby had been born but died. How short a time the fetus lived in the womb may not matter for the feeling of loss. From the moment pregnancy is discovered, the parents can start to bond with the unborn child. When the child turns out not to be viable, dreams, fantasies and plans for the future are disturbed roughly.

Besides the feeling of loss, a lack of understanding by others is often important. People who have not experienced a miscarriage themselves may find it hard to empathize with what has occurred and how upsetting it may be. This may lead to unrealistic expectations of the parents' recovery. The pregnancy and miscarriage are hardly mentioned anymore in conversation, often too because the subject is too painful. This can make the woman feel particularly isolated.

Interaction with pregnant women and newborn children is often also painful for parents who have experienced miscarriage. Sometimes this makes interaction with friends, acquaintances and family very difficult.

[Rogue]

Dang SSC, I sure am sorry to hear that for you and your family.

[GrapevineSooner]

Just saw this.

:(

When my wife had an ectopic pregnancy last January, it hit us pretty hard. I can't even begin to imagine what it's like to go through two and possibly three of these. Especially as it relates to faith.

We're praying for you both here at the GS household.

[soonersweetie]

Yea, I just saw this too. My prayers are with you and Carolyn. Definitely get the second opinion.

I went through this once and my husband was my rock, as you are being for her. I know you already know this, but sometimes just holding her and knowing that you are there helps immensely. Knowing that you have each other will help move the healing process along.

Sending big hugs and prayers to both of you

[OUTromBoNado]

In with the prayers. I have a cousin that had a miscarriage, so while I don't know about everything her and her husband went through...I know it was tough.

Hang in there!

[pergdaddy]

SSC,
What the boss said was extremely insensitive and out of line. ANd no, don't do anything to jeopardize your Air Force career, we need you and your service in this country. Thank you for that. Maybe you should have called him on it, and said something like, "I love my wife and we wanted to bring our first child together into this world. I don't have any children of my own and this was something we decided on together." Sometimes throwing it back into somebody who is ignorant's face will not only shut them up but silently put them in their place.

You're still in all of our prayers. Take care of yourself and the Mrs.

[soonerbrat]

so sorry, Sweetie...hang in there.

[SoonerStormchaser]

Well, she's gonna go through with the surgery tomorrow.

[OU-HSV]

Well, she's gonna go through with the surgery tomorrow.
Sorry man, its horrible this happened. Wish we could do/say more to make it better, but it's going to be a thing that takes time as you know.

[Sooner Born Sooner Bred]

Sorry you are going through this.

[Mixer!]

Sorry to hear about your loss, SSC. Prayer sent.

[Okieflyer]

You and your wife are definately in my prayers. Sorry to hear this.

[SoonerStormchaser]

She's out of surgery and is now home resting. Hopefully, we'll see you all tomorrow at the TG.

We cannot thank each and every one of you for all your thoughts, prayers and sympathies. I know that it's hard for some of you to understand what we're going through (unless you've gone through it yourself), but it has meant the world to Carolyn and I.

[mikeelikee]

Stay strong in faith, my brother. My wife and I lived through two early-term miscarriages ourselves, before finally, in September of 1982, we welcomed a healthy baby boy into the world. He grew up right, and graduated from OU in December of 2005.

God be with you in this time.