So, I'm going to jail

[Penguin]

Yeah, unfortunately, I'm not kidding.

Some of you may know about my legal trouble and that I'm on probation. Well, one condition of said probation is that I have to spend a weekend in jail. So, I picked this weekend. I sure as hell didn't want it to interfere with football season! :D


Anyways, I turn myself in Friday at 5:00 PM and I will be released very early Monday morning. This should be fun. I asked if I could bring a book, but they said no. They said I should bring plenty of lube, though. Kinda weird. I guess they have a problem with squeaky doors or something.


I will be sure to post a review of the Harris County Hilton.

[Jerk]

Watch your cornhole, dude.

[MojoRisen]

Dude, wear white socks and white T shirt though and White Underwear so you don't freeze your arse off in there. They should allow that but won't issue anything but a jump suite & slippers to you. I did a couple of days in VA and they keep it about 60 degree's.

[soonersn20xx]

When you walk in the cell, find the biggest baddest dude you can and punch him in the face. ;)

Also, you might want to watch the movie Big Stan for pointers.

[stoops the eternal pimp]

good luck doing hard time paris hilton:D

[StoopTroup]

May I suggest...

http://www.herbariasoap.com/_assets/herbaria-images/photos-misc/soap-on-a-rope-large.jpg

[Penguin]

Dude, wear white socks and white T shirt though and White Underwear so you don't freeze your arse off in there. They should allow that but won't issue anything but a jump suite & slippers to you. I did a couple of days in VA and they keep it about 60 degree's.

Thanks for the good advice. I had heard the same thing from others. I heard that they keep it so freaking cold in there in order to keep infections down. Lovely.

[StoopTroup]

Also....stick a few five, ten and twenty dollar bills in a balloon and hide them up yer butt. You'll be amazed how handy cash can be while your in jail.

If your not good at fighting...you might make them 50's and 100's.

You can always buy protection.

God Bless you man.

ST

[StoopTroup]

When you walk in the cell, find the biggest baddest dude you can and punch him in the face. ;)

Also, you might want to watch the movie Big Stan for pointers.

Everyone tells you stuff like this...but...I wouldn't listen to it if I were you.

The best thing to remember is this....

If you do get into a scrap with someone...

Make sure you cut em across the forehead as fast as you can.

People can't fight back very well with blood in their eyes.

Plus...once you've Pwned them in front of everyone...you can wipe their blood on your chest and stand on a table screamin' "Who want's some of this!".

After that...you should get your own cell anyway. :D

[Jerk]

Let's see your mean face!

[GottaHavePride]

Penguin's story starts off EXACTLY like Die Fledermaus. HEh.

Good luck, dude.

[OUDoc]

Good luck, penguin.

[KC//CRIMSON]

Start putting alum on your anus now.

[StoopTroup]

Doc...

Should he get a colonoscopy before he goes in just so he'll have evidence if there's any tearing? ;)

[Czar Soonerov]

BUILD A BETTER SHANK
by "Hardcore" Buster Hussla
http://www.easymidget.com/new/stories/images/shakedown.jpg Don't let them find your shank during a shakedown. You'll get a month in the ****hole for that

In Part One of a one-part series entitled "How To Make ****", EasyMidget demonstrates how to keep it real in the pen.
Shiv, shank, pigsticker, bone-crusher, banger, or iron. Whatever you decide to call your home-made prison weapon, you'll have everyone in the joint giving you mad props when you jab it into that joto in Block 6 who keeps giving you the eyeball in the shower.
Sho'nuff, why wait till the end of your 10-year-bid to gain the respect of your fellow inmates by learnin' a hustle or befriending the right people when you can just kill some fool right away while having fun with arts and crafts at the same time? Whether you is on a mission from your fellow prison gang thugs or just looking for some entertainment while getting some rec, making and using shanks can make your prison experience much more enjoyable.
Here is a list of my favorites, complete with how-to guidelines:
http://www.easymidget.com/new/stories/images/shiv02.jpg LOCK IN A SOCK
I heard about this one while doing a deuce in San Quentin for an armed 4-5-9 at a cat food factory. The lock in the sock is nice and simple since it only requires your sock and a heavy metal object, preferably a nice padlock. Everyone loves a party — especially if its a blanket party and you da host! You'll make that cheese-eater pay for squealing on your toilet-hootch hustle by treating him like a punk-bitch piñata. Sock it to him real good!
.

http://www.easymidget.com/new/stories/images/shiv04sm.jpg FILED TOOTHBRUSH
3 out of 4 prison dentists agree, a filed toothbrush through the sternum hurts REAL bad. In actuality, most shanks AIN'T sharpened on concrete floors as Hollywood would have you believe because that takes too long, and you'll get caught by the marks on your floor. Instead buddy up wit' a friend in the prison machine shop where they make license plates and have him grind it up nice and sharpz. What's nice about the filed toothbrush is you can boof it up yo' *** so the guards can't find it. Just be careful how you sit, son.


http://www.easymidget.com/new/stories/images/shiv03sm.jpg MODIFIED TOOTHBRUSH + RAZOR COMBO
Yo, da grapes on this toothbrush is that it shaves as close as a blade or yo' money back! And the best part is you don't have to spend a freakin' dime to make this motha****a and you don't even need shavin' cream to get a clean cut. You'll be anxious to catch a square and sleep that bitch who stole your fifi the other night with this hybrid toothbrush and shaving razor. This one scores points wit' me for creativity reasons cuz its like two in one. Better than the Mach 3!




http://www.easymidget.com/new/stories/images/shiv05sm.jpg ELECTRIC CORD SHOCKER
"Shokka, shokka, shokka-kahn!" I bet you always wanted your own home-made tazer, right Well, dis one's really only good for usin' on your cell-mate since you've only got as far as the cord will reach. Use it on him when that mo'****er won't stop bumpin' his gums at night or he won't keester-bunny your heroin for you in the yard. The Electric Cord Shocker is the cadillac, motha****a. I highly recommend this one.


http://www.easymidget.com/new/stories/images/shiv01sm.jpg KNUCKLE WRAP WITH BLADE
Don't I feel like Wolverine wit' dis ****! Knuckleheads need a good knuck-wrappin, know what I'm sayin? The most common source for the metal in da knucklewrap is from furniture, generally chair legs or parts of a bed frame or springs, and boy does this come in handy in a prison riot. Start off by throwing a little potato salad at some fool and then yank that mo'****a's coat with a little super-fast slashin' action. To his surprise he's got a nice flesh wound to the face and is now tatooed as yo' bitch!


http://www.easymidget.com/new/stories/images/shiv06sm.jpg WRAPPED CHAIN
Now I'm a prison-weapon purist and normally wouldn't recommend wrapping any weapon to reduce its power, but when some fool needs a pumpkin head I go right for the wrapped chain. You can definitely get a few extra thumps in when you're beating some chester down in a secluded area by wrapping a sheet around the chain. He'll live long enough to remember not to ever look at you funny again!

Now I never claimed to be an expert in prison weapon manufacture and its usage, but I feel like this is a good introduction for anyone getting ready to enter the penal system for the first time. Usually I drink plenty of water and walk slow, but in the Big House it's mind over matter— they don't mind and you don't matter. I don't have the time or space to talk about all my favorite toys, but that don't mean you can't do a little homework on yo' own! While you're in the joint make sure to ask about some other excellent shanks: The sharpened bed spring, broken mirror shard, and the wire choker will always come in handy when someone wants to throw down and cut-up, just be sure dat you ain't on the receivin' end of that knowledge.
And pray you don't meet up with me in the lockdown, motha****a!
Peace.

:eek:

[StoopTroup]

http://spade13.files.wordpress.com/2007/06/penguin-in-jail.gif

[OUHOMER]

My brother is getting out of the county jail in Sherman Tx sunday morning. hes been in there for a couple of months. release date was Sept 1st but he made trustee and is getting out a little early. eat good before you go...

[OUHOMER]

Oh and good luck

[Rogue]

Nothing like the love and support you get here.

iv5p--PRIR4

[Big Red Ron]

I had a friend that had to do the same thing. He faked an astmah attack and got put in a private cell.

[badger]

Your worst case scenario. (http://www.tulsaworld.com/webextra/content/2007/prison/default.aspx)

You fortunately only have three days instead of three years like this guy. Keep your chin up and think about football. If they don't let you bring in a book, try to memorize inspirational passages that you can think to yourself during your time. See you on the other side - at Owen Field :)

[tulsaoilerfan]

That sucks Penguin; good luck!!

[Rogue]

I worked at LARC (from Baj's story) for a year when I was at OU.
Heck of an experience for sure.

[Howzit]

Penguin,
Whatever Mr Scheider got tattooed around his sphincter? Do that.

Good luck. Check inside the cake I send. You'll know it's mine, because the icing will read "over."

[Whet]

Butt plug!

[setem]

NSFW sorry but it's from the butter fly effect!

**** ON MY DICK OR BLOOD ON MY KNIFE THAT IS THE ONLY WAY YOU MAKE IT OUT OF HERE!

I did 5 hours when I was 18 for busting up mail boxes...they were replicas of the houses they belonged to. I went back and fixed them and non of my friends did.

Can I ask what you are in for?

[BlondeSoonerGirl]

First one of you that asks if he likes syrup or jelly's getting banned.

:kelvin:

Good luck, Penguin.

[SicEmBaylor]

Penguin,
Do you like syrup or jelly?

[BlondeSoonerGirl]

He likes syrup...better get to the store.

[Rogue]

Can I ask what you are in for?

Oh no you di'int!

I missed the story too, so if you find out, lemme know would ya?

[Rogue]

!!!FREE PENGUIN!!!

[MrJimBeam]

ATTICA!!!!ATTICA!!!!ATTICA!!!!ATTICA!!!!

[RacerX]

I worked at LARC (from Baj's story) for a year when I was at OU.
Heck of an experience for sure.

heh, I did 16 with corrections, as an employee.

[Tulsa_Fireman]

I was 21 in prison, doing life without parole.

[olevetonahill]

You can have books In jail , Just got to get em from them .
Its to easy to Smuggle crap in with a book Plus a Hardback Books cover can be made into a weapon pretty easy .
Good Luck Bro

[colleyvillesooner]

You see, the trick is, kick someone's *** the first day or become someone's bitch. Then
everything will be all right.

[Tulsa_Fireman]

Take up rock carving and ask an older black man to get you a hammer and polishing pad.

And don't forget a poster of Rita Hayworth.

[badger]

Challenge the guards to a football game and be sure to recruit Hollywood Z-listers like Michael Irvin to put estrogen in their performance enhancers. Chris Rock will help in recruiting new black friends. Burt Reynolds will wear an OU hat right after his beloved Seminoles fall in the national title game to the Sooners out of punishment for cheering for an inferior team.

[soonermix]

good luck

[frankensooner]

Get ready for a lovely smell. Nothing smells like the county jail.

On a Sunday, long ago, I was called upon to go to the Comanche County Jail in Lawton to get a guy out. One of the Judges met me at the court house and we got this guy arraigned, I guess he was somebody important, anyway, I got to go down and talk to him at the holding cell. There were at least 45 guys in a 15x15 room. I decided at that point to never ever get caught drinking and driving. ;) I hope you are not put in the big cell and get a nice 4 person or smaller one.

[Jerk]

That's your mean face?

It looks like your trying to take a s**t!

[BigRedJed]

Good luck, Penguin. It's a tough thing, but more than likely you'll just end up with a good story to tell.

[OU Adonis]

Penguin before jail.

( |o| )

Penguin after jail.

( |0| )

[The Maestro]

To be honest, I had to do 24 hours in Sheriff Joe Arpaio's famous tent city for a DUI out here in Phoenix...checked in at 6 a.m. and out the next morning at the same time. I wasn't too smart and thought I would eat a big meal beforehand...needing to drop a deuce with 24 other guys in a holding cell is painful, but I didn't. We ended up being in holding cells for about 10 hours. Some sun light after that and you find out most of the guys in that gig are normal folks who had to much to drink and figured they could drive.

Luckily, it was in April which is nice weather in Phoenix. Good luck...just don't make eye contact with anyone that looks...well...like a regular.

[sooneron]

Good luck Penguin!

Try singing Down In The Valley, that seems to calm the cons down...

g1Ae9gLm2Qo

[setem]

Don't let Schillinger tattoo anything on your ***! If you see any big black guys with a hot hanging on his head for dear life but never falls off...he likes to stick people with AIDS infected needles...just sayin!

[Penguin]

Thanks for the well wishes. Believe me, I will never put myself in this position again!


I just hope they process me quick so that I can watch the Texans-Cowboys game!

[Penguin]

No way in hell that I'm going to park my car downtown. So, I'll be spending a dollar and taking the bus.



I catch the bus at 2:45! Woo hoo!

[Penguin]

Gotta walk to the bus stop. See you folks on the other side!

[OU4LIFE]

Gotta walk to the bus stop. See you folks on the other side!

I think I just felt my bunghole clinch up at that last post.

[BlondeSoonerGirl]

Go on...

[frankensooner]

Poor guy. I feel sorry for him. Should we fill up his inbox? ;)

[BigRedJed]

In 2008, Penguin escaped from the Harris County Jail. All they found of him was a muddy set of prison clothes, a bar of soap, and an old rock hammer, damn near worn down to the nub.

I used to think it would take six-hundred years to tunnel under the wall with it. Old Penguin did it in less than a day. Oh, Penguin loved geology. I guess it appealed to his meticulous nature. An ice age here, million years of mountain building there. Geology is the study of pressure and time. That's all it takes really, pressure, and time. That, and a big god-damned poster.

Like I said, in jail a man will do anything to keep his mind occupied. It turns out Penguin's favorite hobby was totin' his wall through the exercise yard, a handful at a time.

I guess after Tommy was killed, he decided he had been here just about long enough. Penguin did like he was told, buffed those shoes to a high mirror shine. The guard simply didn't notice. Neither did I... I mean, seriously, how often do you really look at a mans shoes?

Penguin crawled to freedom through five hundred yards of **** smelling foulness I can't even imagine, or maybe I just don't want too. Five hundred yards... that's the length of five football fields, just shy of half a mile.

[sooneron]

In 2008, Penguin escaped from the Harris County Jail. All they found of him was a muddy set of prison clothes, a bar of soap, and an old rock hammer, damn near worn down to the nub.

I used to think it would take six-hundred years to tunnel under the wall with it. Old Penguin did it in less than a day. Oh, Penguin loved geology. I guess it appealed to his meticulous nature. An ice age here, million years of mountain building there. Geology is the study of pressure and time. That's all it takes really, pressure, and time. That, and a big god-damned poster.

Like I said, in jail a man will do anything to keep his mind occupied. It turns out Penguin's favorite hobby was totin' his wall through the exercise yard, a handful at a time.

I guess after Tommy was killed, he decided he had been here just about long enough. Penguin did like he was told, buffed those shoes to a high mirror shine. The guard simply didn't notice. Neither did I... I mean, seriously, how often do you really look at a mans shoes?

Penguin crawled to freedom through five hundred yards of **** smelling foulness I can't even imagine, or maybe I just don't want too. Five hundred yards... that's the length of five football fields, just shy of half a mile.
Please stop!! ROTFLMAO!!!!:P :P :P :P :P :P :D :D :D :D :D

[BigRedJed]

Seriously though, everybody say a prayer for him tonight, or send him some good vibes, or whatever it is that you do. He's been on the board a long time, and even before this was having a tough spell recently. I know I'll be thinking of him. Can't be fun.

[sooneron]

No chit, there Debbie Downer.

[badger]

http://www.globelens.com/storage/unowned-photo-archives/dreamstime/emperor-penguin-biofile/Web%20PreeningEmperorPenguin.drf4.jpg
Penguin bids goodbye to his behind. ;)

good vibes... good vibes...

[frankensooner]

[george kennedy]My boy Penguin says he can eat fifty eggs, he can eat fifty eggs.[/george kennedy]

[sooneron]

Social Distortion - Prison Bound

[OUHOMER]

Seriously though, everybody say a prayer for him tonight, or send him some good vibes, or whatever it is that you do. He's been on the board a long time, and even before this was having a tough spell recently. I know I'll be thinking of him. Can't be fun.

IN, we all make light of it, but even 1 day or longer is tough. humor helps us get by but i will be thinking and sending good vibes for him.

[Boomer.....]

Good luck, Penguin!

[badger]

We should start a penguin tribute thread so that he has something fun to read when he gets out :)

oh, and a sticky is a must!

[BlondeSoonerGirl]

I think this is it.

*STICKY*

[BlondeSoonerGirl]

Dang. We got 4 stickies up there.

Hope he don't get extra days for bad behayvure or anything. Too many stickies is annoying.

[Tulsa_Fireman]

Did this just turn into a prayer thread for Penguin's cornhole?

[Beef]

It's been awhile since we had a good ole sticky prison cornhole thread.

Good luck to you, Penguin.

[Sooner_Havok]

good ole sticky prison cornhole

Ewwwwwww

[colleyvillesooner]

Dang. We got 4 stickies up there.

Hope he don't get extra days for bad behayvure or anything. Too many stickies is annoying.

Why do you hate OU Insider?

[OUHOMER]

LOL, I hope this doesnt get locked before he gets out

[Sooner_Havok]

LOL, I hope this doesnt get locked before he gets out

Since when does talking about sticky prison cornhole get a thread locked?

[Big Red Ron]

Tell em you have Aids.

Just sayin

[Sooner_Havok]

Tell em you have Aids.

Just sayin

Nah, he has to do the guard's taxes and save him a bunch of money while he is working on taring the roof.

[Rogue]

What we've got here is failure to communicate.
Some men you just can't reach. So you get what we had here last week.
Which is the way he wants it.
Well, he gets it.
I don't like it anymore than you men.

[Big Red Ron]

Nah, he has to do the guard's taxes and save him a bunch of money while he is working on taring the roof.And then let all his friends drink the beer, while enjoys the sun on his face. Yeah, that's the ticket.

[Sooner_Havok]

And then let all his friends drink the beer, while enjoys the sun on his face. Yeah, that's the ticket.

Did you read the whole thread? I think this is at least the second Shawshank reference, but I might be wrong...

[Sooner_Havok]

You'll have to tell us if it is really the way movies make it seem.

[BigRedJed]

It was. But so far there has only been one single, awesome, Cool Hand Luke reference.

[setem]

[george kennedy]My boy Penguin says he can eat fifty eggs, he can eat fifty eggs.[/george kennedy]

Posting my reply boss...

[BigRedJed]

Oops. I missed Frank's. Two references.

[Sooner_Havok]

Dude, you should have called my cousin, he's a lawyer

[StoopTroup]

What if he likes it in there and begins a life that will lead to him living out his life in the Oklahoma Prison System.

Will Phil give him a Lifetime Free Bronze Membership?

[BigRedJed]

Those walls are funny. First you hate 'em, then you get used to 'em. Enough time passes, you get so you depend on them. That's institutionalized.

[BigRedJed]

GAJ2skOJvdY

[olevetonahill]

3Nites in the Pokey , Damn Hope you aint sore :eek:

[r5TPsooner]

Nothing like the love and support you get here.

iv5p--PRIR4


I'm laughing so hard that I have tears in my eyes.

LOL!:D

[StoopTroup]

Yeah Jed...I'm sure he'll be rehabilitated....lol

[GottaHavePride]

Simmons: Hey Grif, are you okay?

Grif: I've done hard time, Simmons. I'm not the man you used to know.

Simmons: Hard time? We were only separated for five hours.

Grif: Time moves slower on the inside, Simmons. It seemed like seven or eight hours to me.

Sarge: Grif? I've never believed in you. Not even for a moment. But now, is your chance to prove yourself. To me.

Grif: What can I do, Sarge?

Sarge: I need you to run right at O'Malley.

Grif: And shank him with my shiv?

Sarge: No. When he blows you up with the rocket, try to see if you can get your dismembered limbs and guts to clog the barrels of his rocket launcher.

Grif: You're kidding.

Sarge: It's a remote chance, I know. But it's worth a shot.

[salth2o]

reckon he can eat 50 eggs?

Cool Hand Luke reference #2

Lucas (Luke) Jackson: I can eat fifty eggs.
Dragline: Nobody can eat fifty eggs.
Other Prisoner: You just said he could eat anything.
Dragline: Did you ever eat fifty eggs?
Lucas (Luke) Jackson: Nobody ever eat fifty eggs.
Other Prisoner: Hey, Babalugats. We got a bet here.
Dragline: My boy says he can eat fifty eggs, he can eat fifty eggs.
Other Prisoner: Yeah, but in how long?
Lucas (Luke) Jackson: A hour.
Other Prisoner: Well, I believe I'll take part of that wager.

[salth2o]

Old school classic...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y-QoDSq28Kw

and another not so classic...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mP1XN6TJ6Z8

[GottaHavePride]

You gonna eat'cho cornbread?

[olevetonahill]

I got My mind right Boss

[GottaHavePride]

I tha pappy!

[goingoneight]

Will you get a few Longhrons autographs while you're there? I want to bank when I go to Austin in a few weeks.

[olevetonahill]

Will you get a few Longhrons autographs while you're there? I want to bank when I go to Austin in a few weeks.

He should be able to get the whole team shouldnt he ?

[StoopTroup]

There should be a youtube video with Mack campaigning for bond money so he can field a team.

[sooneron]

You guys missed a major one...

relQMv-nDSs

[BlondeSoonerGirl]

Deer Lord,

Please protect Penguin's tiny (I hope), vulnerable cornhole tonight in the jailhouse. I hear Saturdays can be a little...rowdy.

Amen.

:eddie:

[BlondeSoonerGirl]

http://img135.imageshack.us/img135/6369/loctitejb7.jpg

[Sooner Born Sooner Bred]

Does anyone have a Rita Hayworth poster we could send?

[GottaHavePride]

Super Stud Lock?

[BlondeSoonerGirl]

Keeps teh jail studs out.

[BlondeSoonerGirl]

Of his tiny cornhole.

[BlondeSoonerGirl]

:kelvin:

[GottaHavePride]

I love shouting Kelvin.

[Sooner24]

You can have books In jail , Just got to get em from them .
Its to easy to Smuggle crap in with a book Plus a Hardback Books cover can be made into a weapon pretty easy .
Good Luck Bro

http://www.theboxset.com/images/reviewcaptures/2273THE_SHAWSHANK_REDEMPTION-9.jpg

Just ask for Brooks and tell him Red sent you.

[SCOUT]

Deer Lord,

Please protect Penguin's tiny (I hope), vulnerable cornhole tonight in the jailhouse. I hear Saturdays can be a little...rowdy.

Amen.

:eddie:

If my understanding is correct, he went in on Friday. That would make him the long-timer for the weekend crowd. That would mean he would have to be knocked off his pedastal before any of those late coming Saturday nighters showed up. He should be pretty much above the crazy weekend fray.

Just in case though, I also pray that Penguin's tiny, vulnerable cornhole is protected during his entire time in the hooskow.

[Sooner24]

NSFW sorry but it's from the butter fly effect!

**** ON MY DICK OR BLOOD ON MY KNIFE THAT IS THE ONLY WAY YOU MAKE IT OUT OF HERE!

I did 5 hours when I was 18 for busting up mail boxes...they were replicas of the houses they belonged to. I went back and fixed them and non of my friends did.

Can I ask what you are in for?

Two days. :P

Just found this picture of Penguin as they were getting ready to take him to his cell. He was overhead saying "Damn that Batman".

http://www.posterpalace.com/images/stills/batman66penguinS.jpg

[Harry Beanbag]

Keeps teh jail studs out.

I doubt Loctite would keep Leroy out if he really wanted it.

[Rogue]

Times winding down. The last tick-mark is on the wall, it's FREEDOM DAY for Penguin!

[BlondeSoonerGirl]

I hope he steals a towel on his way out.

[Okla-homey]

I just got this via an on-line Texas Open Records Act request through DPS. This is Penguin's jail in-processing photo.:eek:

http://img368.imageshack.us/img368/9194/0822081mugs14ag1.jpg

[StoopTroup]

Looks like he just saw his first cellmate.

[Okla-homey]

Looks like he just saw his first cellmate.

I got a shot of his three cellmates too. This was about ten minutes after they learned Penguin was going back to the world today.

http://img368.imageshack.us/img368/1180/0822081mugs7xi5.jpg

http://img368.imageshack.us/img368/4624/0822081mugs8fj3.jpg

http://img368.imageshack.us/img368/5175/0822081mugs9at8.jpg

[olevetonahill]

Homey He dont get out till In the morning . The Boys have him fer one Mo nite :eek:

[Okla-homey]

Homey He dont get out till In the morning . The Boys have him fer one Mo nite :eek:

that oughtta perk them fellers right up!

[BlondeSoonerGirl]

I really hope that one guy doesn't bring sexy back.

To Penguin's tiny cornhole.

[Jerk]

Is he free, yet!?

[olevetonahill]

Is he free, yet!?

Early in the Morning :eek:
He has to ENDure one more Night

[Turd_Ferguson]

I called down to the station to check on him. They said he's in isolation for bringing contraband into a county jail. Two steak knives, one pea shooter and three tubes of ora-jel.

[tulsaoilerfan]

I can't believe he's not posting; surely they allow the internet there. :)

[Okla-homey]

I called down to the station to check on him. They said he's in isolation for bringing contraband into a county jail. Two steak knives, one pea shooter and three tubes of ora-jel.

that's a lot of stuff to pack into a a jail n00bs "prison wallet."

[Penguin]

AND I"M OUT!

I was released at around 10 am this morning. Due to overcrowding, the jail was offering 2-for-1 deals (meaning 1 day in jail counts as 2 days served) to all and even 3-for-1 deals for some. I thought long and hard about it, but I decided to take them up on their offer. So, I technically could have been released last night, but there's some law saying that male non-bail prisoners can only be released between 6am and noon.


Thanks for all of the kind words about my cornholio. I was kept with other weekenders that had turned themselves in and misdemeanor suspects arrested Friday night. We were moved from holding tank to holding tank every 4-6 hours. It was warm, crowded, uncomfortable, and boring, but I never saw any dangerous people during my stay.

I got to hear some great stories. The most heartbreaking was this poor guy that got arrested for drag racing. His bail was only $100, but he couldn't afford it and none of his friends would answer the phone. He was arrested Thursday night and was being released with me. Well, with the 3-for-1 thing going on, he got 10 days credit, which is the max jail sentence, so that takes care of that charge! Poor guy. Couldn't help but laugh, but at least he doesn't have to worry about it anymore!

[Curly Bill]

AND I"M OUT!

I was released at around 10 am this morning. Due to overcrowding, the jail was offering 2-for-1 deals (meaning 1 day in jail counts as 2 days served) to all and even 3-for-1 deals for some. I thought long and hard about it, but I decided to take them up on their offer. So, I technically could have been released last night, but there's some law saying that male non-bail prisoners can only be released between 6am and noon.


Thanks for all of the kind words about my cornholio. I was kept with other weekenders that had turned themselves in and misdemeanor suspects arrested Friday night. We were moved from holding tank to holding tank every 4-6 hours. It was warm, crowded, uncomfortable, and boring, but I never saw any dangerous people during my stay.

I got to hear some great stories. The most heartbreaking was this poor guy that got arrested for drag racing. His bail was only $100, but he couldn't afford it and none of his friends would answer the phone. He was arrested Thursday night and was being released with me. Well, with the 3-for-1 thing going on, he got 10 days credit, which is the max jail sentence, so that takes care of that charge! Poor guy. Couldn't help but laugh, but at least he doesn't have to worry about it anymore!

Welcome back. At least you missed the carnage around here. :D

[salth2o]

This is a little late now, but ......
http://img142.imageshack.us/img142/3425/penshirtva7.th.jpg (http://img142.imageshack.us/my.php?image=penshirtva7.jpg)
http://img142.imageshack.us/img142/5338/penshirt2uj5.th.jpg (http://img142.imageshack.us/my.php?image=penshirt2uj5.jpg)

[badger]

Soooo... any fun stories to share here? :)

[Curly Bill]

Soooo... any fun stories to share here? :)

He's probably sharing them with his therapist as we speak. :P

[mdklatt]

I thought the purpose of probation was so that you didn't have to go to jail?

[colleyvillesooner]

Welcome back. At least you missed the carnage around here. :D

what carnage?

[badger]

He's probably sharing them with his therapist as we speak. :P

true. therapy and next-of-kin need to be informed first ;)

[BigRedJed]

Glad you're out Penguin. And glad you still (we assume) have a tiny cornhole.

[StoopTroup]

I hope you have learned your lesson and are completely rehabilitated. :D

Never wear a tux while leaving a bar. ;)

[stoopified]

I didn't know Penguin was a member of the jailbird family. :)

[Beef]

http://img368.imageshack.us/img368/5175/0822081mugs9at8.jpg
Did he get Tone's autograph?

[olevetonahill]

I didn't know Penguin was a member of the jailbird family. :)

Just another bird that cant fly:D

[Boomer_Sooner_sax]

Did he get Tone's autograph?


The best part about that pic is the dude is crying...I see a little tear coming out of the sunglasses. I bet Bubba loves guys that cry! HAHA!:D

[Penguin]

It wasn't all that horrible in there. Some people were clearly taking the advice of stay quiet and keep to yourself. I just fell back on what I always do.

Personally, I never take anything too seriously. I just relaxed and tried to enjoy myself. I have a very loud laugh, so nobody ever picked on me. They just picked on other people trying to get me to laugh. Sure, I guess jokers are not too popular with hardened felons, but I did all right with where I was.

We picked on one guy real good. We had him convinced that he was in the quarantine tank and that we all had lice and scabies. He started scratching and freaking out like crazy! That was hours of entertainment! It was ****ing hilarious! :D

[olevetonahill]

It wasn't all that horrible in there. Some people were clearly taking the advice of stay quiet and keep to yourself. I just fell back on what I always do.

Personally, I never take anything too seriously. I just relaxed and tried to enjoy myself. I have a very loud laugh, so nobody ever picked on me. They just picked on other people trying to get me to laugh. Sure, I guess jokers are not too popular with hardened felons, but I did all right with where I was.

We picked on one guy real good. We had him convinced that he was in the quarantine tank and that we all had lice and scabies. He started scratching and freaking out like crazy! That was hours of entertainment! It was ****ing hilarious! :D

You Cons are easily amused :D

[mdklatt]

Did you find out why they call jail the "pokey"? :eek:

[OUDoc]

Welcome back, penguin.
It'll be hard to adjust to life on the outside, but you can do it.

[Penguin]

Welcome back, penguin.
It'll be hard to adjust to life on the outside, but you can do it.

Yeah, it's tough. I went to the store this morning and some guy made eye contact with me. I, of course, pounded the absolute **** out of him. I guess that is frowned upon in the free world? :confused:

[soonerinabilene]

Yeah, it's tough. I went to the store this morning and some guy made eye contact with me. I, of course, pounded the absolute **** out of him. I guess that is frowned upon in the free world? :confused:

Get busy living, or get busy dying.

[BigRedJed]

Penguin has gone all street. I like it.

[NYC Poke]

I got to hear some great stories. The most heartbreaking was this poor guy that got arrested for drag racing. His bail was only $100, but he couldn't afford it and none of his friends would answer the phone. He was arrested Thursday night and was being released with me. Well, with the 3-for-1 thing going on, he got 10 days credit, which is the max jail sentence, so that takes care of that charge! Poor guy. Couldn't help but laugh, but at least he doesn't have to worry about it anymore!


Unless things have changed, it was my understanding that you could only make collect calls out of there, meaning calls to most cell phones and a lot of land lines these days are out. Plus, they charge something like $20 for the call. They do (or did) this as a way to raise money for the jail, but it sounded like a bum deal to me.

However, sounds like it led to a pretty good solution for this guy.

eta: Unless he fails to show up for his court date and they tack on a Failure to Appear charge.

[OU4LIFE]

Yeah, it's tough. I went to the store this morning and some guy made eye contact with me. I, of course, pounded the absolute **** out of him. I guess that is frowned upon in the free world? :confused:

if by "store" you mean the "Stillwater Whataburger" then no, that's pretty usual.

[OmaniacU]

Does it still hurt when u wipe ???

[afs]

wow - how did I miss this story.

[Crucifax Autumn]

And even better, how did you dig it back up?

[afs]

I was actually looking for a thread on safety razors, low and behold this appeared in the search results. Not sure I want to know what this has to do with shaving.

[hgarmorer]

it was pretty funny reading some of the posts

[SteelClip49]

When does the MSNBC Lockup special premier with Penguin?

[GKeeper316]

necro postages

[SanJoaquinSooner]

hall of fame

[StoopTroup]

Penguin is now on the menu in many prison systems now that they've had a taste.

[Collier11]

Not sure how I missed this but very amusing