Badger, ya GOTS to send your rankings to ESPN! Pure gold that. Bravo!
I'm not changing their poll, I'm just REVISING to reflect their true reasoning behind ranking the teams as they are. I wish they would just be upfront and honest with us. There are no outstanding stand-out teams this year. No 2003 Oklahoma's. No 1985 Oklahoma's. No 47-win-streak in the mid 50s Oklahoma's. (I guess we could also mention 95 Nebraska and 2001 Miami).
As such, these lists are just made on preconceived notions and ideas on what makes Team A so much better than Team B. And I'm clarifying and revising to reflect these notions and emotions.
Without further ado, here is the rest, remembering that this is ESPN.com's list, not mine:
17. Kansas Jayhawks
Juco running back Jocques Crawford arrived in Lawrence for summer school and immediately turned heads. Know why? Because they're actually recruiting JUCO talent! That's supposed to Kansas State's job, not Kansas' job! In any event, we were dragged kicking and screaming to include these guys at all, because we fully expect another NOT Big 12 championship season for them and certainly NOT an Orange Bowl, but hey, they're the new guy on top, so we have to stick them somewhere. The KU dart landed on No. 17, so No. 17 it is!
18. Illinois Fighting Illini
Senior receiver Kyle Hudson, who caught 12 passes for 127 yards and one touchdown last season, will forgo... rather, WE'LL forgo anymore talk about the Illini. Really, if they didn't beat Ohio State, we wouldn't even need to mention them. Did you see last year's Rose Bowl. DID YOU SEE IT? Total pwnage. We should buy up the domain rights to FireRonZook.com so that we can resell it for big Illini donor bucks in a few years. In any event, we still hate the Big 10 here at ESPN for all the trouble they've given us recently. Just lose, already, and STOP being ranked!
19. Pittsburgh Panthers
Winning the raffle for "get picked in top 25 despite abysmal showings under fired NFL coaching" is none other than Pitt. Hey, we stopped caring about you since Larry Fitz left a few seasons ago! Make that a few MANY seasons ago. We were really pulling for a sophomore Heisman, but how could he compete with Jason White's knees. The story pretty much wrote itself and it was oh-so much fun to take camera crews out to Tuttle, Okla. In any event, PHAIL. Nobody expects anything out of Big East. We expect even less out of Big East than Big 10, so that's saying something!
20. Virginia Tech Hokies
God bless America, land that I love. Stand beside her and guide her... though the... um, we forget the words. Rather than Googling them, let's switch to another patriotic song... and we're PROUD to be Americans, where at least we know we're free. And we won't forget the men that died and gave that right to... um... WE. Ok, so we're messing up the lyrics, but the point is that dang it, we aren't ready to let go of a feel-good sports story THIS easily. Root for the Hokies if you're an American!
21. Oregon Ducks
Can Oregon's quarterback competition get any more crowded? Can't be much more crowded than Phil Knight wants it to be, *wink wink.* We know that it isn't UO's year, but dang it, it was so much fun being out there at the crack of dawn TWICE for Gameday that we would just like to ACKNOWLEDGE how close they came to being elite last season. How close? Well, let's just say that off the coasts of Oregon, there's a seal. *pause* A see-all. *angry face* A-C-L! Man is our audience slow. Dammit, just play the Sportscenter theme a few times till they catch up... *da da DA! da da DA!*
22. Wake Forest Demon Deacons
How much have expectations changed in Winston-Salem, N.C.? Not much, we just looked out our beautiful ESPN headquarter windows here in Connecticut to fill out these last few picks and thought, "Hey, Wake Forest isn't bad. North Carolina's close by. Let's just put them here." Further reason why we are the worldwide leader in sports - we here at ESPN don't like to travel far. Why else are UConn, Duke and UNC featured so much during basketball season, huh? Oh, they'll never catch on. Remember, our audience is still trying to find Oregon's coastal seal.
23. Fresno State Bulldogs
The Bulldogs open the season at Rutgers on Sept. 1, but coach Pat Hill is calling the Sept. 13 home game against Wisconsin the biggest game in Bulldog Stadium history. Can't argue with that - after all, we really don't check any histories of mid-major teams until they make the BCS bowl. Until then, hey, call them the most powerful offense in the universe for all we care. Go undefeated, or we're staying put here on the east coast, middo majorette.
24. Penn State Nittany Lions
Penn State's five senior captains vow the off-field problems that plagued the Nittany Lions before the 2007 season are a thing of the past. SENIOR captains? Is that code word for Joe Paterno's bridge club? Hehe, that should be our next Sports Nation poll - how old is Joe Paterno? Haha, we made a funny at Joe Pa's age. Too bad A&M can't send us home from the football game, eh? That's cuz we're not cheer boys. We're experts, dang it.
25. Notre Dame Fighting Irish
Athletic director Kevin White leaving Notre Dame for Duke might have been a sign of impending doom for the Fighting Irish, but NBC thought enough of their future to renew its TV contract another five years. See, that's why THEY aren't in the same class as us in sports coverage, deals like that. But, more power to them! We sure as hell aren't going to nationally televise their three-and-nine arses. But hey, when we need a spikey haired kid quarterback and a walrus of a coach, we'll know what station to turn to, right? Pstt - We only included them here to make fun of NBC.
Mark Schlabach covers college football and men's college basketball for ESPN.com. He did not write most of this, but we know what he was thinking when he ranked these teams. You can contact him at
[email protected].