KingDavid
7/16/2008, 11:12 PM
Aug. 30 Sat. Florida Atlantic Austin, Texas
Did you know this game was presented by Wells Fargo? In any event, this is your Appalachian State, Texas . . . and you follow in the footsteps of the Wolverines, the latest giant offered up on the alter to the God's of DIV. II. Florida Atlantic prevails, 41-38.
Sept. 6 Sat. UTEP El Paso, Texas
This game also has a presenter... presented by AT&T, who reminds you that SBC is a thing of the past! Unfortunately, UTEP has a priceless (wink wink) gameplan and pulls off the upset, 21-20.
Sept. 20 Sat. Rice Austin, TX
Presented by... Alumni Band Day! No, wait, UnitedHealthcare. Rice pulls off the greatest game of their life (Constant reminders by the crew that Major Applewhite was once a coach at Rice, followed by constant reaction shots of him on the Texas sideline) and the game comes down to the last play, where Texas receives the kickoff, down by 4, as time expires. Due to an inexplicable lapse in concentration, Quan Cosby fields the kick just inside the 5 . . . and takes a knee. Rice 24, Texas 20. The Owls are hootin' all over Austin, all night long.
Oct. 4 Sat. Colorado Boulder, Colo.
No presenting sponsor leads to phail. Colorado 50, Texas 7
Oct. 11 Sat. Oklahoma Dallas, Texas
Boren swears a snow day if OU beats the spread, which by now, with a fully castrated 0-4 whorn team vs. an undefeated No. 1 ranked OU team is 60 points. Ouch! OU wins 67-12, making OU fans upset for losing vBets and vCash.
Oct. 18 Sat. Missouri Austin, Texas
Presented by H-E-B, it is Cowboys Weekend (whatever the hell that means), Football Parents' Weekend (get ready for extremely long pregame festivities that most Texas fans will not show up for anyways) and Texas Exes Distinguished Alumni Awards (I still think your alumni association name sucks). After all that information, you lose and Chase Daniels does the Soulja Boy on your whorn logo afterward. Roids will do that to you. It's a scientifically proven fact. Mizz 31, Texas 10.
Oct. 25 Sat. Oklahoma State Austin, Texas
Presented by Scott & White, it is Cheer Reunion day! Yay. A mysterious site entitled "firemackbrown.com" has reappeared from a three year absence. It receives record viewership after a 3-2 loss to the Pokes. Mack's game ball goes to the guy who sacked Zac Robinson in the endzone, causing the only points of the game.
Nov. 1 Sat. Texas Tech Lubbock, Texas
Are we feeling sad yet? Even the Holiday Bowl might not take you now. Leach forgets all formalities of not running up the score (like he's never done that before) and wins 77-0 to a half-empty stadium. Hey, that sand in the eyes hurts!
Nov. 8 Sat. Baylor Austin, Texas
Presented by Time Warner Cable (getting old), it is Veterans Recognition Day (God bless Texas! He sure isn't blessing the whorns), Longhorn Hall of Honor and Letterwinners Roundup day. However, fans will not come early, stay late, or even come and stay at all by now. Fears of another upset to Baylor that hasn't been seen in decades come to fruition as the nightmare deepens for the Burnt Orange. Baylor wins 14-13.
Nov. 15 Sat. Kansas Lawrence, Kan.
Having already eaten all footballs in the OU game, Mangino challenges them to a football game played with a basketball. Whorns, uber confident off the third win of the season last week, agrees. Unfortunately, Mangino has already arranged with Bill Self to have the basketball team sub for his holes from last season's Orange Bowl team. After several three point shots (Um, basketball dudes, those are called "field goals" in football), Texas wonders how soon until basketball season. Kansas 9, Texas 0.
Nov. 27 Thu. Texas A&M Austin, Texas
It's the State Farm Lone Star Showdown and, with the team having lost every possible scrap of morale after the recent loss to Kansas, 85% of the Texas squad goes AWOL on gameday. Unable to field more than 8 players, the Longhorns become the first team in NCAA history to forfeit a game by no-showing on its home field. Mike Sherman, having just secured his first major victory against a rival school, receives a seven year guaranteed contract extension from A&M's Board of Regents.
(Note: spek to Badger from providing 99% of this material.)
Did you know this game was presented by Wells Fargo? In any event, this is your Appalachian State, Texas . . . and you follow in the footsteps of the Wolverines, the latest giant offered up on the alter to the God's of DIV. II. Florida Atlantic prevails, 41-38.
Sept. 6 Sat. UTEP El Paso, Texas
This game also has a presenter... presented by AT&T, who reminds you that SBC is a thing of the past! Unfortunately, UTEP has a priceless (wink wink) gameplan and pulls off the upset, 21-20.
Sept. 20 Sat. Rice Austin, TX
Presented by... Alumni Band Day! No, wait, UnitedHealthcare. Rice pulls off the greatest game of their life (Constant reminders by the crew that Major Applewhite was once a coach at Rice, followed by constant reaction shots of him on the Texas sideline) and the game comes down to the last play, where Texas receives the kickoff, down by 4, as time expires. Due to an inexplicable lapse in concentration, Quan Cosby fields the kick just inside the 5 . . . and takes a knee. Rice 24, Texas 20. The Owls are hootin' all over Austin, all night long.
Oct. 4 Sat. Colorado Boulder, Colo.
No presenting sponsor leads to phail. Colorado 50, Texas 7
Oct. 11 Sat. Oklahoma Dallas, Texas
Boren swears a snow day if OU beats the spread, which by now, with a fully castrated 0-4 whorn team vs. an undefeated No. 1 ranked OU team is 60 points. Ouch! OU wins 67-12, making OU fans upset for losing vBets and vCash.
Oct. 18 Sat. Missouri Austin, Texas
Presented by H-E-B, it is Cowboys Weekend (whatever the hell that means), Football Parents' Weekend (get ready for extremely long pregame festivities that most Texas fans will not show up for anyways) and Texas Exes Distinguished Alumni Awards (I still think your alumni association name sucks). After all that information, you lose and Chase Daniels does the Soulja Boy on your whorn logo afterward. Roids will do that to you. It's a scientifically proven fact. Mizz 31, Texas 10.
Oct. 25 Sat. Oklahoma State Austin, Texas
Presented by Scott & White, it is Cheer Reunion day! Yay. A mysterious site entitled "firemackbrown.com" has reappeared from a three year absence. It receives record viewership after a 3-2 loss to the Pokes. Mack's game ball goes to the guy who sacked Zac Robinson in the endzone, causing the only points of the game.
Nov. 1 Sat. Texas Tech Lubbock, Texas
Are we feeling sad yet? Even the Holiday Bowl might not take you now. Leach forgets all formalities of not running up the score (like he's never done that before) and wins 77-0 to a half-empty stadium. Hey, that sand in the eyes hurts!
Nov. 8 Sat. Baylor Austin, Texas
Presented by Time Warner Cable (getting old), it is Veterans Recognition Day (God bless Texas! He sure isn't blessing the whorns), Longhorn Hall of Honor and Letterwinners Roundup day. However, fans will not come early, stay late, or even come and stay at all by now. Fears of another upset to Baylor that hasn't been seen in decades come to fruition as the nightmare deepens for the Burnt Orange. Baylor wins 14-13.
Nov. 15 Sat. Kansas Lawrence, Kan.
Having already eaten all footballs in the OU game, Mangino challenges them to a football game played with a basketball. Whorns, uber confident off the third win of the season last week, agrees. Unfortunately, Mangino has already arranged with Bill Self to have the basketball team sub for his holes from last season's Orange Bowl team. After several three point shots (Um, basketball dudes, those are called "field goals" in football), Texas wonders how soon until basketball season. Kansas 9, Texas 0.
Nov. 27 Thu. Texas A&M Austin, Texas
It's the State Farm Lone Star Showdown and, with the team having lost every possible scrap of morale after the recent loss to Kansas, 85% of the Texas squad goes AWOL on gameday. Unable to field more than 8 players, the Longhorns become the first team in NCAA history to forfeit a game by no-showing on its home field. Mike Sherman, having just secured his first major victory against a rival school, receives a seven year guaranteed contract extension from A&M's Board of Regents.
(Note: spek to Badger from providing 99% of this material.)