TexasLidig8r
7/16/2008, 08:46 AM
With football season almost upon us, it's time for the annual prediction on OU's upcoming season. So, away we go....
8/30 UTChattanooga -- OU, reeling from recent blog reports that its starting quarterback was engaged in a cocaine selling spree, comes out sluggish against an inspired Moccasin team. However, in the 4th quarter and trailing by 4, OU's 5th string defensive end, Bilbo Tolstoy blocks a punt recovered in the end zone and OU squeeks out a 20 - 17 win.
9/6 Cincinnati -- The Bearkats, pissed because they're named after an animal that does not exist and the NCAA did not allow its quarterback to return for one more season (Cincy head coach whined before the game, "If he had played for OU, they would have let him.") play an even more inspired game and upset the then, No. 3 ranked Sooners, 24 - 21.
9/13 at Washington -- When Coach Stoops learns the officials for the game are the same ones who called the Oregon game, he refused to allow the Sooners to take the field. After an hour of cajoling, officials call the game a forfeit. The Huskies win 2 - 0.
9/27 TCU -- The Toadies recall past glories, their coach reminds them that TCU is 4 -1 in Norman, Bradford slips into a Purple Haze, and those feisty frogs from TCU come away with a convincing 24 - 10 victory.
10/4 at Baylor -- The Art Briles lead team passes 96 times during the game. But, it's Baylor. Sun rises in the east and sets in the west. Bradford passes for 1,235 yards in this game alone and OU wins handily 96 - 3. Most OU fans elect to simply stay in Dallas for the week instead of going home to their teepees. 7 -11 stores in the Metroplex report an unprecedented run on big gulps and burritos that week.
10/11 vs Texas -- OU plays the game of the year. Mistake free play UNTIL, with 2 minutes to go and the game tied at 0, OU has the ball at their 2 yard line, Bradford drops back to pass, Sergio Kindle blitzes, goes flying through the air, hands Bradford a jacket and gas key, rips the ball out of his hands.. and Texas wins a hard fought 7 -0 game.
10/18 Kansas -- Mangino the Hut returns to his roots.. and promptly eats them. KU runs the opening kick off back for a touchdown. Mangino then slithers on to the field of play and eats every football. The game is called because of equipment deficiency and KU wins 7 - 0.
10/25 at Kansas State -- As the Sooners take the field, see the Sea of Purple, Bradford has a flashback to his Purple Haze days at TCU. Landry Jones has to play and although performing admirably before a hostile, drunken wheat aggy crowd, throws a crucial 4th quarter interception and the Mildcats eek out a 21 - 20 victory.
11/1 Nebraska -- The ghosts of the Bugeaters arise. In a throwback to the great games of the past, Nebraska plays with grit. Their newly revamped veer offense, controls the clock for 57 minutes and with 30 seconds left in the game, Nebraska scores on a fumblerooski. NU wins 7 - 0.
11/8 at Texas A&M -- As the OU bus approaches Colley Station, they wonder why all the sheep back up to the fences. As they look upon the corp turds, they see what appears to be brown stains on the crotches of these mighty lads. Corp turds sacrifice a longhorn steer at midfield right before kick off putting the crowd into a frenzy. The previously winless aggy play a game for the ages and with 1 second on the clock, Whitey MacWhiteman, field goal kicker for aggy, boots a 69 yard field goal for a 3 - 0 win.
11/15 Texas Tech -- Tech QB, Graham Harrell throws for 1,500 yards in this game alone. Michael Crabtree has 980 reception yards and 10 touchdowns. The game last 8 hours. Tech wins convincingly, 77 - 0.
11/29 at Oklahoma State -- Its Okie Lite. It's Bedlam. It's Halloween colors. Can it be? If Okie Lite wins this, they make their year... As Zac Robinson drops back to pass and Okie Lite leads by 5 with just under a minute to play, he sees a particularly attractive bovine in a nearby pasture.. distracted, he drops the ball, which OU picks up and runs into the end zone for a hard fought. 21 - 19 victory.
So..there it is. 3 - 9.
(Disclaimer -- To OUnews.ok.com and any other publishers.. note that the preceding is meant to be merely satirical. Please do not sue)
8/30 UTChattanooga -- OU, reeling from recent blog reports that its starting quarterback was engaged in a cocaine selling spree, comes out sluggish against an inspired Moccasin team. However, in the 4th quarter and trailing by 4, OU's 5th string defensive end, Bilbo Tolstoy blocks a punt recovered in the end zone and OU squeeks out a 20 - 17 win.
9/6 Cincinnati -- The Bearkats, pissed because they're named after an animal that does not exist and the NCAA did not allow its quarterback to return for one more season (Cincy head coach whined before the game, "If he had played for OU, they would have let him.") play an even more inspired game and upset the then, No. 3 ranked Sooners, 24 - 21.
9/13 at Washington -- When Coach Stoops learns the officials for the game are the same ones who called the Oregon game, he refused to allow the Sooners to take the field. After an hour of cajoling, officials call the game a forfeit. The Huskies win 2 - 0.
9/27 TCU -- The Toadies recall past glories, their coach reminds them that TCU is 4 -1 in Norman, Bradford slips into a Purple Haze, and those feisty frogs from TCU come away with a convincing 24 - 10 victory.
10/4 at Baylor -- The Art Briles lead team passes 96 times during the game. But, it's Baylor. Sun rises in the east and sets in the west. Bradford passes for 1,235 yards in this game alone and OU wins handily 96 - 3. Most OU fans elect to simply stay in Dallas for the week instead of going home to their teepees. 7 -11 stores in the Metroplex report an unprecedented run on big gulps and burritos that week.
10/11 vs Texas -- OU plays the game of the year. Mistake free play UNTIL, with 2 minutes to go and the game tied at 0, OU has the ball at their 2 yard line, Bradford drops back to pass, Sergio Kindle blitzes, goes flying through the air, hands Bradford a jacket and gas key, rips the ball out of his hands.. and Texas wins a hard fought 7 -0 game.
10/18 Kansas -- Mangino the Hut returns to his roots.. and promptly eats them. KU runs the opening kick off back for a touchdown. Mangino then slithers on to the field of play and eats every football. The game is called because of equipment deficiency and KU wins 7 - 0.
10/25 at Kansas State -- As the Sooners take the field, see the Sea of Purple, Bradford has a flashback to his Purple Haze days at TCU. Landry Jones has to play and although performing admirably before a hostile, drunken wheat aggy crowd, throws a crucial 4th quarter interception and the Mildcats eek out a 21 - 20 victory.
11/1 Nebraska -- The ghosts of the Bugeaters arise. In a throwback to the great games of the past, Nebraska plays with grit. Their newly revamped veer offense, controls the clock for 57 minutes and with 30 seconds left in the game, Nebraska scores on a fumblerooski. NU wins 7 - 0.
11/8 at Texas A&M -- As the OU bus approaches Colley Station, they wonder why all the sheep back up to the fences. As they look upon the corp turds, they see what appears to be brown stains on the crotches of these mighty lads. Corp turds sacrifice a longhorn steer at midfield right before kick off putting the crowd into a frenzy. The previously winless aggy play a game for the ages and with 1 second on the clock, Whitey MacWhiteman, field goal kicker for aggy, boots a 69 yard field goal for a 3 - 0 win.
11/15 Texas Tech -- Tech QB, Graham Harrell throws for 1,500 yards in this game alone. Michael Crabtree has 980 reception yards and 10 touchdowns. The game last 8 hours. Tech wins convincingly, 77 - 0.
11/29 at Oklahoma State -- Its Okie Lite. It's Bedlam. It's Halloween colors. Can it be? If Okie Lite wins this, they make their year... As Zac Robinson drops back to pass and Okie Lite leads by 5 with just under a minute to play, he sees a particularly attractive bovine in a nearby pasture.. distracted, he drops the ball, which OU picks up and runs into the end zone for a hard fought. 21 - 19 victory.
So..there it is. 3 - 9.
(Disclaimer -- To OUnews.ok.com and any other publishers.. note that the preceding is meant to be merely satirical. Please do not sue)