Pickup Lines or How I Got Throat Punched..

[KC//CRIMSON]

Are those space pants?

cause your *ss is out of this world!

[SoonerStormchaser]

I'm an eternal Baylor student who likes Zima, cigars and is in need of a Garmin.

;)

[r5TPsooner]

Are you Pentacostal? Cause I'd love to speak in tongues with you.

[KC//CRIMSON]

I bet it hurt like a mother ******

when you fell from heaven.

[r5TPsooner]

Sweetheart, I'm no Fred Flintstone, but I can make your Bedrock!

[KC//CRIMSON]

Did your Dad have sex with a carrot?

cause your eyes are beautiful!

[SoonerInKCMO]

Are you Pentacostal? Cause I'd love to speak in tongues with you.

I'ma try that one tonight. :texan:

[KC//CRIMSON]

I'ma try that one tonight. :texan:

Try this:

Are your parents retarded?

Cause you're something special!

[Turd_Ferguson]

You must have a mirror in your pocket, cause I sure can see myself in your pants.

[LoyalFan]

Nice sandals! With that nail polish even webbed toes look hot!

Sure is hot in here but you aren't sweatin' like the other BBWs...Nice!

Looks like it's your lucky night, 'lil lady. I'm really not a tittay man...honest!

LF

[Sooner_Havok]

Nice shoes, wanna ****?

[soonerbrat]

:rolleyes:

[SoonerInKCMO]

:rolleyes:

Which ones of the above have you fallen for? ;)

[Frozen Sooner]

"I'm a doctor." :D

[KC//CRIMSON]

:rolleyes:

Do you work for UPS?

I could have sworn I saw you checking out my package.

[Melo]

Maybe not a pickup line, but maybe the best situation to ever come around when I worked at the bar:

One guy out of a group of about 10 dudes: Hey! I didnt know we would get a hot waitress tonight, too! Can I call you sometime, gorgeous?
Me: Normally, I might be pleasant about a question I hear, oh, say 37 times a night, but due to the fact that youre drinking some bit*h *** Bud light, watching an aTm game, and the card that you gave me to open your tab with was an aTm card, I am going to have to pass on that one.
:rolleyes:

[KC//CRIMSON]

Maybe not a pickup line, but maybe the best situation to ever come around when I worked at the bar:

One guy out of a group of about 10 dudes: Hey! I didnt know we would get a hot waitress tonight, too! Can I call you sometime, gorgeous?
Me: Normally, I might be pleasant about a question I hear, oh, say 37 times a night, but due to the fact that youre drinking some bit*h *** Bud light, watching an aTm game, and the card that you gave me to open your tab with was an aTm card, I am going to have to pass on that one.
:rolleyes:

You're like a prize winning fish.

I don't know whether to eat you or mount you!

[soonerbrat]

"I'm a doctor." :D

noooooo...i've known my ex since i was 9 years old...we started dating in high school when he was just a dumb jock. I liked him better that way.

[Melo]

You're like a prize winning fish.

I don't know whether to eat you or mount you!

:D

I bet you suck at fishing...

[dolemitesooner]

What's your name?

insert name.

Well how about I call you Grape Slushie instead?

UMM WHY?

Cause i wanna slurp you up like a grape slushie

[Melo]

What's your name?

insert name.

Well how about I call you Grape Slushie instead?

UMM WHY?

Cause i wanna slurp you up like a grape slushie

I think it would be more important to note at this point that Doleo probably has more game than SicEm, but not by much.

Just sayin.

[soonerbrat]

What's your name?

insert name.

Well how about I call you Grape Slushie instead?

UMM WHY?

Cause i wanna slurp you up like a grape slushie


i think I DID fall for that one once.

[VeeJay]

:D

I bet you suck at fishing...

I'm not sure the word "suck" is the right choice of words in this exchange, but carry on.

[KC//CRIMSON]

I may not be the best looking guy in the room, but I am the only one who is talking to you.

[Melo]

I'm not sure the word "suck" is the right choice of words in this exchange, but carry on.

I have a hard time getting my mind to turn to the gutter like some of you people. You should feel ashamed for coming up with such a horrible idea...

;)

[KC//CRIMSON]

Do you like to dance?

You do?

Well then, could you go dance so I can talk to your friend?

[Frozen Sooner]

noooooo...i've known my ex since i was 9 years old...we started dating in high school when he was just a dumb jock. I liked him better that way.

Yeah, I can't believe you fell for that. A 9 year old doctor? Sheesh, brat. ;)

[Melo]

I had a drunk dude tell me, once that it was 'Okay!' and that he 'really LIKES small boobs on a female.'

:mad:

One time, I was standing on the bar that led around the walls to clean the blinds, and I had some woman come up to me and tell me that seeing me in my shorts was 'killing' her. Creepy.

[tommieharris91]

:D

I bet you suck at fishing...

I have one this big!!

[Melo]

I have one this big!!

SicEm told me all about it, and honestly, it didnt really impress me.

[Norman Sooner]

My wife is reading over my shoulder and spits out:

If i were a squirral and you were a tree...

I'd hide my nuts in your hole...

I guess my wife has heard this one before..

[tommieharris91]

SicEm told me all about it, and honestly, it didnt really impress me.

Ohh come on, the guy didn't tell you how big his "fish" was?

[Melo]

Ohh come on, the guy didn't tell you how big his "fish" was?

Are we still talking about SicEm? I was under the impression that he didnt even really have one.

:confused:

[reevie]

Have you ever seen a one-ear elephant?

[VeeJay]

I am

(1) following this with a really twisted sense of humor

OR

(2) this thread has left me.

Considering the topic is SicEm, I think I'm following it.

[tommieharris91]

Are we still talking about SicEm? I was under the impression that he didnt even really have one.

:confused:

Haha, I really can't see SicEm fishing, literally or figuratively. :texan:

[tommieharris91]

I am

(1) following this with a really twisted sense of humor

OR

(2) this thread has left me.

Considering the topic is SicEm, I think I'm following it.

You're following it. I think...

[KC//CRIMSON]

Hey, your mom was pretty good, so I figured you would be too.

[Soonerus]

worst thread evar...

[tommieharris91]

worst thread evar...

Why do I see this line working...?

[KC//CRIMSON]

worst thread evar...

birth defect rears it's ugly head again......

[Soonerus]

birth defect rears it's ugly head again......

Hello birth defect...

[SicEmBaylor]

Haha, I really can't see SicEm fishing, literally or figuratively. :texan:

I've never been fishing...literally.

[VeeJay]

OK SicEm - go ahead and tell us of your knowledge of fish.

[SicEmBaylor]

OK SicEm - go ahead and tell us of your knowledge of fish.

I know very little of fish having had very little experience with them. I will say that they freak me out a bit..mostly because of the smell and how slimy they are.

[Melo]

mostly because of the smell and how slimy they are.

Im not really a fan of that, either. Also doesnt help that I tend to catch smaller ones that arent really good for anything. Just rip the hook out and throw em back.

[tommieharris91]

Wow, and the women I like the most can bait their own hook.

[SicEmBaylor]

I'm going to go have a beer and cigar because this convo will not end well for me.

[Melo]

I'm going to go have a beer and cigar because this convo will not end well for me.

You WOULD like things that end well...

[KC//CRIMSON]

Hello birth defect...


Settle down Fatbody, or at least you will if you know what's good for you!

*Waves donut threateningly* That's right, son. Jelly! The deadliest of donuts!

[soonerboy_odanorth]

Haha, I really can't see SicEm fisting, literally or figuratively.


I've never been fisting...literally.


OK SicEm - go ahead and tell us of your knowledge of fist.


I know very little of fist having had very little experience with them. I will say that they freak me out a bit..mostly because of the smell and how slimy they are.

:eek:


Excuse me, I'm going to H-E-doublehockeysticks now....

[Soonerus]

Settle down Fatbody, or at least you will if you know what's good for you!

*Waves donut threateningly* That's right, son, Jelly! The deadliest of donuts!

Ok, easy scarface...

[MR2-Sooner86]

"How are you doing?"
"Fine."
"I didn't ask how you looked at asked how you were doing."

*lick a girl's shirt*
"Lets get you out of those wet clothes."

"I'd let you p*ss in my face just to see where it came from."
My dad knew a guy that used that line. Yeah, he got punched.

If you have a zit on your lip.
"Hello my name is (insert). I swear to God this isn't herpes."

*walk up to a girl*
"You know I was thinking of wearing that exact same dress. That would have been embarrissing."

[SouthFortySooner]

doth quote ZZ again. ...I'd drink your bath water and not even use a chaser. !!

[85Sooner]

Knew one guy who used to go up to a girl and say "Hi Wanna get out of here and f$ck? Worked 25% of the time. He was below avg looking.

And one who would be considered very good looking used "you've been dancing with the wrong guy all night" Worked 90-95% of the time.

[SoonerInKCMO]

I'ma try that one tonight. :texan:

It got a laugh - no action though. :(

[soonermix]

do you like jogging?
cuz you've been running through my mind all day.

[C&CDean]

Give head?

[OklahomaRed]

"Do you want to dance?" NO

"Well, I guess a BJ is out of the question?" :D

Or,

"Do you want to Dance?" NO

"Well, heck bitc#, I'm not askin' you to marry me. Just to dance." :D

Let me remind you, this was in my "younger days" ridin' Harley's and thinkin' I was all that! :(

[stoops the eternal pimp]

Knew one guy who used to go up to a girl and say "Hi Wanna get out of here and f$ck? Worked 25% of the time. He was below avg looking.


My brother used that a lot...I would say he had about the same success rate......

[OklahomaRed]

We're not disclosing "pick-up lines that worked" here. We are disclosing lines that got your throat punched. :D

[stoops the eternal pimp]

Well if the lines works for 1 outta 4, that means 3 throat punches:)

[soonerinabilene]

Screw me if im wrong, but isnt your name Matilda?

That shirt is very becoming on you. Of course, if I was on you i'd becoming, too.

Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again?

[soonerbrat]

again

:rolleyes:

[VeeJay]

My assistant was battling with our receptionist this morning; the poor gal's day was starting off on the wrong foot.

I logged on and printed some of these one liners, shared them with her and the mood picked up considerably.

Good jorb, hill tards.

[GottaHavePride]

If I told you you have a beautiful body would you hold it against me?

[Frozen Sooner]

You know, I've really enjoyed talking to you. Can I have your phone number?

Damn thing gets me throat punched every time. If not literally, at least metaphorically at some point.

[tommieharris91]

You know, I've really enjoyed talking to you. Can I have your phone number?

Damn thing gets me throat punched every time. If not literally, at least metaphorically at some point.

I usually say this right after she says "Hi."

[Frozen Sooner]

"Hey, does this rag smell like chloroform to you too?"

[boomersooner28]

"F*ck me if I'm wrong, but isn't your name Gretchan?"





My college roommate actually used this on a smoking hot blonde at a party one night...her name WAS Gretchan! What are the odds.