Looking for your thoughts on the best posts from Soonerfans past

[Beano's Fourth Chin]

Got one you want to nominate for the hall of fame?

Post the link here. Chances are we'll save it for posterity.

[StoopTroup]

Great Idea!

[olevetonahill]

Got one you want to nominate for the hall of fame?

Post the link here. Chances are we'll save it for posterity.

Deans Taint storey
has to be up there

[BigRedJed]

Dean's taint spike story (http://www.soonerfans.com/forums/showthread.php?t=41538)

Incidentally, I'm pretty sure that right now we only need pre-2007 nominees. Do I have that right, Beano?

[StoopTroup]

Post #16 since we're starting off with personal injuries...:D

Taint my fault (http://www.soonerfans.com/forums/showthread.php?t=96805&page=2&highlight=ankle)

[BigRedJed]

Try are McGriddles (http://www.soonerfans.com/forums/showthread.php?t=12227)

[GottaHavePride]

TRY ARE MCGRUNDLES!

Your link = fail.

[BigRedJed]

Norm's Luck (http://www.soonerfans.com/forums/showthread.php?t=8143)

[BigRedJed]

TRY ARE MCGRUNDLES!

Your link = fail.
No it isn't. You're a liar.

[BigRedJed]

Norm's litter box story (http://www.soonerfans.com/forums/showthread.php?t=8684)

Really, you could just archive every thread started by Norm.

[GottaHavePride]

I think his Wal-Mart rant was on the old software. Too bad, that was one of the funniest things I have ever seen.

[StoopTroup]

Can't forget this one... (http://www.soonerfans.com/forums/showpost.php?p=114113&postcount=27)

[KC//CRIMSON]

I get a call on Friday for a house to clean from an old lady that had got my name from a cleaner here that I had met. He doesn't do tile and I do and the whole house is tile (I am trying to get into just doing tile) Well I get there and I start measuring the sq/ft to give her a price. Well, this is like a million dollar pad with 2,300 sq/ft of tile. My price $2,300 great she said, come back tommorow and do it. So I did thinking this was her place.

Well, I show up Saturday morning. The whole back yard is deck and pool. And low and behold there is about 5 people out there laying out. 4 guys and a chic. Well the chic is the one that lives there and her Mom is the one that is footing the bill to clean the pad. She is all laying out and this really skimpy bikin (Not a thong but close) and she has this kicking *** body.
Well, I start working on her tile and I am a man and can't quit looking at her. All I can see at this point is her back side. Guys keep coming in and out and they are really cool, trying to get me to hang out with them after I am done, and they offered me a beer a few times. All the time chick in skimpy bikini just lays there. I am thinking it must be one of the guys wifes and the other guys are just friends of his.

Well after about 20 minutes she gets up and turns around to come inside.
Damn!!! Smoking in the front too. She walks in and says "Hi!" the damn butt ugliest grill I have ever seen. This chic looked like a great white shark and s***. I was scared her left K-9 was going to poke me in the eye. Not that they weren't clean, it was just that they were sticking out all over the compass. It was kinda revolting in many ways that I am still seeing a shrink about. So I make chit chat with her for a few minutes trying not to stare, and thank god she went away. Well she goes back out and lays out again and I start letting the site of her *** numb the site her teeth.

Doorbell rings-

Another hottie. I go answer the door for them because I know they can't hear it. She asks if Marla is there. I say "Is that the women that lives hear"?
SHe says it is. SO I say yes, and that she is out at the pool. Chic goes out there and starts french/freedom kissing hottie with bad grill. Holy!!! The emotions going through my head at this time. Two hotties kissing, but one is kissing a Mako Shark. 4 guys are just eating this up outside. Well, I have a flurry of nasty thoughts running through my head at this time, a flurry.
Trying to juggle 2 hot bods, 1 bad grill, but the fact I can't see her grill because it is super impossed on hottie #2's face. What the hell?
Prozac/Viagra momant in time. All the time trying not to stare.

chapter two-

Bikinis come off. Holy!!!! Shortly followed by dudes 1-4 nutt huggers coming off. Shmoly!!! Look away. Kinda fighting the urge to look past dudes 1-4 in nutt grabbers and see naked hotties 1-2 macking all over eachother. I go clean the bedrooms.

Door #1 opens and HWBG (Hottie with bad grill) walks in with DTNTBWS (Dude that needs to be wearing shorts) come in. They start hanging out by the TV (62" bad *** mofo) naked on the couch. I am not against this or anything, but when was the last time you got naked when the cable TV guy was over (not counting BSG) They ask me when can they go into the bedroom. I say "it should be dry in 30 minutes" "Great" they say. I am almost done at this point and HWBG comes up to me butt naked and hands me a check for $2,300 I was just giggly with getting a check that big. I tell her that I will be back to pick up the air movers tommorow at any time she wished and that I just needed to do some clean up work and I would be out of their hair. I go and get the mop and come back in and all 6 have retired to the bedroom. I am not making this up. She comes out again butt naked and gives me $100.00 as a tip.


Moral of the story is that tips define your quality of work.

http://members.aol.com/mmro1031/images/swill_ad.jpg

[Soonerus]

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz...

[BigRedJed]

People is Idiot (http://www.soonerfans.com/forums/showthread.php?t=10286)

[usmc-sooner]

SoonerWill and the Cops

[KC//CRIMSON]

Too bad Fanta Shakata isn't still alive.

[proud gonzo]

i think we need the dean chainsaw story

[KC//CRIMSON]

Blood Ninja - http://www.soonerfans.com/forums/showthread.php?t=11138

[BigRedJed]

i think we need the dean chainsaw story
Find it.

[proud gonzo]

Find it.:les: DON'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO! (http://www.soonerfans.com/forums/showthread.php?t=70376)

[proud gonzo]

http://www.soonerfans.com/forums/showthread.php?t=31397

[yermom]

Norm's Anal Warts

the Stunned Aggie Fark threads

the bracket threads

[StoopTroup]

People is Idiot (http://www.soonerfans.com/forums/showthread.php?t=10286)

That really brightened up my morning....lol.

[StoopTroup]

http://www.soonerfans.com/forums/showthread.php?t=31397

I'm getting familiar back pain!

SPEK!

[Howzit]

http://www.soonerfans.com/forums/showthread.php?t=44209

or

http://www.soonerfans.com/forums/showthread.php?t=71463

or

http://www.soonerfans.com/forums/showthread.php?t=95573

[BigRedJed]

Sorry, we should have been more specific. We're pruning threads, to speed up board performance. We only need threads from before 2006. You can make a case for '07 and '08 threads in five years when we clean up the server again.

[BigRedJed]

I think Norm's original Anal Warts thread was on the old board. I found one that references it, and saved that one. Still pretty funny.

[tommieharris91]

I wonder if Ryan's Steakhouse fits here...

[yermom]

Sorry, we should have been more specific. We're pruning threads, to speed up board performance. We only need threads from before 2006. You can make a case for '07 and '08 threads in five years when we clean up the server again.

is it a space or performance thing?

could they not be just archived separately or something?

[BigRedJed]

I dunno. Ask Beano/JKM. I just work here.

[Sooner_Bob]

You guys usually just delete all the good ones.




















:D

[Czar Soonerov]

Here's To You, Mr. Stunned Aggy (http://www.soonerfans.com/forums/showthread.php?t=23879)

[jkm, the stolen pifwafwi]

is it a space or performance thing?

could they not be just archived separately or something?

right now the database is pushing 2.5 GB (has to be one of the biggest vbulletins out there).

[OCUDad]

If you remove all of BRJ's "look at me, flood control doesn't apply to me" posts, you could probably get it down under a gig.

[bri]

right now the database is pushing 2.5 GB (has to be one of the biggest vbulletins out there).

So, what, do all the other vbulletins have to buy nice cars or double up on the oral to compete with us?

[Viking Kitten]

Does every thread really need to be turned into an opportunity to take uncalled-for little jabs at people?

For f***'s sake people, come on.

[Mixer!]

I was always partial to this one. (http://www.soonerfans.com/forums/showthread.php?t=89347)

[BlondeSoonerGirl]

:les: BEFORE 2006!!!

[Beano's Fourth Chin]

is it a space or performance thing?

could they not be just archived separately or something?

More than anything, we're trying to make the search work better. It's pretty hit or miss on that lately and I think it's due to the size of the post index.

Going to try to cut the db in half or so and switch to mysql's search function versus using the vBulletin built in version.

What do you mean, "archive separately?"

[colleyvillesooner]

Helander.

[BigRedJed]

Done. Good call, though.

[Soonrboy]

http://www.soonerfans.com/forums/showthread.php?t=4120&highlight=

[nmsoonergirl]

Pic's eating in the bathroom thread was awesome, but I tried to find it and couldn't:mad:

[OCUDad]

Does every thread really need to be turned into an opportunity to take uncalled-for little jabs at people?

For f***'s sake people, come on.
uncalled-for - maybe.
grain of truth - probably.
as a joke - definitely.
you should lighten up - absolutely.

For f***'s sake.

[colleyvillesooner]

I thought it was funny and obviously, to me anyways, in jest.

[sooner_born_1960]

Jed even laughed. What? He did. I heard him.

[yermom]

right now the database is pushing 2.5 GB (has to be one of the biggest vbulletins out there).

so it vBulletin can't handle that big of a file or MySQL can't?

can you not break the database into parts?

i'm not that familiar with vBulletin or anything, just curious. it's probably not worth messing with

i guess i got my answer though

[GottaHavePride]

All I know is that it's too big (that's what she said) so we need to do some pruning (that's what she said) so everything will move faster (that's what she said).

[Viking Kitten]

If any girl ever says it's too big and she wants to do some pruning, you need to run like hell, GHP.

[proud gonzo]

All I know is that it's too big (that's what she said) so we need to do some pruning (that's what she said) so everything will move faster (that's what she said).that's what she said!
(http://youtube.com/watch?v=Ccdu8yZIanM)

[GottaHavePride]

If any girl ever says it's too big and she wants to do some pruning, you need to run like hell, GHP.

The trick is never to worry about the "from" part of running. Just worry about the "to" part.

[jkm, the stolen pifwafwi]

so it vBulletin can't handle that big of a file or MySQL can't?

can you not break the database into parts?

i'm not that familiar with vBulletin or anything, just curious. it's probably not worth messing with

i guess i got my answer though

mysql isn't relational, so you can't really index it. so in order to search the 900 mb of posts, you have to have a table that is sort of an index that is 1200 mb. and yes, there is one table for threads.

[Gandalf_The_Grey]

http://www.soonerfans.com/forums/showthread.php?t=4191

There is some real fun stuff in here!

[olevetonahill]

That thread about Being a REAL OU fan ?

[Sooner_Bob]

If you remove all of BRJ's "look at me, flood control doesn't apply to me" posts, you could probably get it down under a gig.

:D

[OUDoc]

Most of OLDSOONER's posts should be archived.

Here's one:
http://www.soonerfans.com/forums/showthread.php?t=50115

[Howzit]

If any girl ever says it's too big and she wants to do some pruning, you need to run like hell, GHP.


Maybe they're really doing some pruning so it'll SEEM bigger.

[colleyvillesooner]

That thread about Being a REAL OU fan ?

heh

http://www.soonerfans.com/forums/showthread.php?t=60740

[Mixer!]

So what will happen to fark central? Will most of those threads disappear?

[olevetonahill]

heh

http://www.soonerfans.com/forums/showthread.php?t=60740

Thats the One
Greatness
Why did Ole scoot get bained ?

[mikeelikee]

My all-time favorite is the Texass OL Casey Studdard recruit thread that morphed into a Taliban fark-fest. That one deserves Hall-of-Fame status!

[Mjcpr]

Compact and repair should fix everything.

How many of my threads are going to make it? :D

[jkm, the stolen pifwafwi]

Compact and repair should fix everything.

How many of my threads are going to make it? :D

with a database this size, there is a high probability of it corrupting the database. we are going to take some of the overhead off of vbulletin and put it on the database engine.

[sooner_born_1960]

MySql isn't a relational database? I think the good people at Sun might be surprised to hear that.

[sooner_born_1960]

That said, free form text is extremely difficult to index. So you probably end up with full table scans unless you make everyone enter key words in each post.

[jkm, the stolen pifwafwi]

MySql isn't a relational database? I think the good people at Sun might be surprised to hear that.

this was more in the context of vbulletin's implementation on mysql. while there are relationships in the broadest sense of the word, vbulletin tends to flatten out tables and only query one at a time. this is great for small table performance, but seriously starts to break down as it gets larger because your indexes get larger and it begins to take forever to insert into that index (think of the old ITs and why they always broke at 1100 posts).

so when you click on a forum, it goes and fetches all threads in the thread table with a forum of f=foo. when you click on a thread, it queries the post table for all posts with t=foo.

for free text, it scans through the post and takes keywords of longer than 4 letters and enters them into the vbpost_index table. so if someone posts a novel, you could have 400 entries in that table that you also need to add into the index.

our plan is to move to the built-in mysql full text search and get away from the vbulletin search. this allows us to monitor the size of the index and prune when it exceeds key_buffer and can't fit into memory.

as for why we are doing this - it ****es me off to no end that ouinsider now has a faster board than soonerfans.

[Beef]

Any thread that had multiple "skank" references was usually pretty good.

[BigRedJed]

...for some negspek from Beano.

[BigRedJed]

Also, using the misspelling of "skanky," specifically "skany," is guaranteed to get you some red from Beano.

[Beef]

...for some negspek from Beano.

I know, but bad love from Beano is better than no love from Beano.

[OU4LIFE]

I'm pretty sure this 'Beano' fella doesn't exist.

except in my head.

[crawfish]

More than anything, we're trying to make the search work better. It's pretty hit or miss on that lately and I think it's due to the size of the post index.

Going to try to cut the db in half or so and switch to mysql's search function versus using the vBulletin built in version.

What do you mean, "archive separately?"

I've got a few ideas, but the search function keeps failing when I try to find 'em.

[BigRedJed]

Yeah, that's what they're trying to fix. I've found that the best way is to back up and do the search again, and keep doing that a few times until it eventually works. I'm not a DB guy like those guys, but I assume it is timing out due to the massiveness of the search, but caches the results it gets before timing out. Or something like that.

[proud gonzo]

Also, using the misspelling of "skanky," specifically "skany," is guaranteed to get you some red from Beano.sometimes i wonder if he has an alarm.



skanky.



see, i bet there's some big "ah-WOOOga! ah-WOOOga!" going off at his house right now.

[BigRedJed]

He still hasn't hit me yet. :(

[OUDoc]

He still hasn't hit me yet. :(


I'm pretty sure this 'Beano' fella doesn't exist.

except in my head.

See?

[NormanPride]

as for why we are doing this - it ****es me off to no end that ouinsider now has a faster board than soonerfans.

yeah, but they've only been at it a few months. Wait for Owen Field to top a million posts and see what happens.

[TUSooner]

Most of OLDSOONER's posts should be archived.

Here's one:
http://www.soonerfans.com/forums/showthread.php?t=50115

WORD> They should be in a book.

[TUSooner]

OK, y'all shipdits are missing the whole gig here. He aksd for POSTS and y'all are sticking THREADS up there, and without even any clue as to what they are about, so people like me are clicking on these links and seeing about 2 hours' worth of POS thread-reading (without lips moving), and it's mostly carp and stuff, without getting to a POST worth even reading 3 years out.
:mad:
I'd say delete ALL the threads that these yahoos is postin unless they can actually come up with a POST... like OldSooner's whole wheat bicycle tire (thanks Doc) or Dean's gay bull story.
No wonder this board is so ****ing slow. :rolleyes:

[King Crimson]

yeah, i'm on board with the OLDSOONER corpus. my suggestions to include em in the leap day fesitvities seemed to have fallen on deaf ears.

[Czar Soonerov]

heh

http://www.soonerfans.com/forums/showthread.php?t=51155

[StoopTroup]

I haven't laughed so hard in a while until I saw this one.

http://www.soonerfans.com/forums/showthread.php?t=109403

[opksooner]

It's been a while but ..............any of OLDSOONER'S tales.

[BigRedJed]

I'm pretty sure we got most if not all of them from this iteration of the board.

[soonerboy_odanorth]

First: Each and every of OldSooners posts/threads/whatever should be saved for posterity. His almost require their own section. Srsly. Love ya, Mike. You are a gentleman for the ages.

Second: Not one ****ing honorable mention from any of you sons-a-bitches for even one of the best of my old n00b-baiting "we'z doomed" posts. Not... ****ing...one. What the Hell is wrong with all of you!?!?! That was some quality **** right there... Even if it did jinx us in the 2003 CCG, 2003 Sugar Bowl, 2004 Orange Bo... Oh ****ING NEVERMIND. One way or another you bitches OWE me....

('Cept you, Dean, Steve, Mike, Phil, Trey, Scott, Matt, David, Brian, Elton... and numerous others whom I love and can't wait to share another ten years., even at twice or thrice a year in person... and Deacon, 'cause your shoe-whuppins scare the Hell outta me... and I guess the rest of you Fokkers, too...)

Yeah. I used naughty words. So there. Ha.

[BigRedJed]

http://img143.exs.cx/img143/4900/mhh3uj.jpg