The Official Bash Your Ex Thread

[Sooner04]

Eh, there's no need. She got knocked up and had a shotgun wedding.

Alls well that ends well.

[jkm, the stolen pifwafwi]

how much child support you paying?

[sanantoniosooner]

I just sent gdc an email ;)

[bri]

I'll play:

Freak 1: My junior year in high school, I started dating a senior girl shortly after the start of the year. This gal was one of those needy types that had to spend every possible moment with you, or else she got all sad and depressed and scared that I didn't love her anymore. So, fine, okay, we're always on the phone or hanging out at her place watching movies and whatnot, and I never see my friends. Ever. But I tolerate it, because I know that she'll be graduating soon and then we'll break up and everything will be back to normal because that's what you're supposed to do after graduation. Well, she apparently didn't get the memo. As spring turned into summer she kept talking more and more about our "future" and one night produced a list of names for our children, five boys' names and five girls' names. That's bad enough, but there were also various pets' names, too, all with my name at the end. Well, needless to say, I freaked and tried to break up with her, but she wouldn't hear of it. She actually dragged me to my youth minister's house for couples counseling. Mind you, we're just a couple of teenage kids who had been dating for six months, not an engaged couple. So, there we sit in a darkened room, me and my freaky psycho girlfriend on the couch, my youth minister and his wife sitting in matching wingbacks facing us. The kept grilling me about why I wanted to break up with my girlfriend and everytime I'd give them a reason, they'd say that it wasn't good enough. (!) So, after two of the most uncomfortable hours of my life, I walked out of there still dating this loon. Eventually, I wised up and realized that I had to make her want to break up with me. Yeesh.

Freak 2: My senior year I start dating a sophomore. We go out for about three months, then she dumps me for another guy. I'm heartbroken, but what do I know? I'm 18. So, near the end of the year, she comes up to me and asks me if I'd take her to my prom. (See, my school had jr/sr prom, so the only way sophomores could go was with a junior or senior.) I didn't have any prospects lined up (go figure), so I said yes. Prom night comes, I pick her up at her house, do the pictures, the whole nine yards, then take her to eat at the local steak house. Finally, we get to the prom, get our picture taken, and then--poof!--she's gone. I eventually find her, dancing with another guy. For one song. Then another. Then another. Finally, I just decide to give in to the fact that I got ditched at my senior prom and went back to hang out with my friends. And if the story ended there, that'd be enough, but no. There's two kickers. My friends and I took a big wacky group picture. As we're lining ourselves up, I see my date coming over to join the picture, but she doesn't stand by me, but rather two people away. Fortunately, I have long arms, so when we all said "cheese" and they took the picture, I was able to put rabbit ears over my special li'l devil girl. After the picture, she promptly ran back to the other guy. Then, around midnight, she comes up to me and asks me if I'd give her a ride home. I say, "Why don't you have him take you home?" and she said that she already had and he said no. So, while my friends are getting ready to head to the afterparty, I take my wayward date home. I figure I'll just drop her off and then catch up with my friends, but oh no. She's all freaked because it's after her cerfew and she's gonna get grounded. Now, I should have realized that that wasn't my problem, as we were never, eeeeeeeeeeever gonna go out again, but I'm good people. So, I go in with her and make chitchat with her folks (who are both Sooners and loved me) and eventually smooth everything over. Of course, by the time I leave there, it's far too late to go out to the party with my friends, so I head home. But, my car starts overheating, so I'm racing for my house, and a cop pulls me over in a parking lot just off of the main drag, in full view of everyone. Turns out that he just wanted to tell me that my car was overheating (gee, thanks Roscoe) and let me go, but of course everyone driving by thought that I was getting a ticket for something. But I eventually made it home, and after explaining why I was home so early, went to bed and swore to never speak of that evening ever again. Unfortunately, six months later, when my hometown paper was doing their "year in review" segments, the picture they chose for the May recap was, you guessed it, my date and the other guy, holding each other tightly. The caption was something like "A young couple enjoyed the Pryor High Junior/Senior Prom last May" or some crap like that.

And people wonder why I drink. http://www.soonerfans.com/ubb/mad.gif

[jkm, the stolen pifwafwi]

I just sent gdc an email ;)

i'm sorry but no amount of old schoolness could allow me to let gdc or thunder back...

however, speaking of backs, look at 04 and his ex...

[Sooner04]

how much child support you paying?
$511 a month plus 70% of medical expenses.

I knew I was in trouble when the bastard came out with red hair.

[StoopTroup]

Hey 04...

Heh....

Bri's is bigger.

[bri]

Episode 3: Attack of the Shots I had left school before the 95 football season, but I still had a student season ticket, so I drove down for all the home games that year. As I walked into OMS for the KU game, I heard someone calling my name. I looked up, and a girl that had hung out with my group and had graduated the previous year was over at the next gate. We made the chitchat and I found out that she was living in Tulsa too, so I got her number and we went out a few times. Flash foward to December. I was coming down to Norman for my birthday, and decided to bring girly with me, with visions of crazy birthday lovin' dancing in my head. So I told my friend that I was going to be staying with that I was bringing her and he was all, "alright, we've got lots of room". Well, we all go out, and I get totally obliterated. I'm talking Kennedy drunk. I had three full pitchers of the good old six-point Shiner and 12 various shots. We make it back to my friends' apartment and I pass out on the couch. Long story short, my friend hooked up with my supposed date while I was clinging to life in the living room. It turned out that they had always been into each other, but she always had a boyfriend. I knew that they were always flirting with each other at the swim complex, but I didn't think anything of it because I always assumed that I was much cooler than my friend. (I now know the truth.) Anyways, the best part was the long, quiet drive back to Tulsa with her just chatting away, never having the slightest inkling that my birthday was ruined.
Oh well, at least I got free t-shirts out of it. http://www.soonerfans.com/ubb/wink.gif Of course, to antagonize my friend, I would always call it my "My Best Friend Got Laid and All I Got Was This Stupid T-Shirt" shirt...

[rufnek05]

she got tag teamed and got crabs

[Sooner04]

God bless her, the girl could suck the flavor out of your chewing gum without ever making contact with it.

If you know what I mean.

And I think you do.

Yes, I'm talking about that.

[bri]

I used to know a girl like that. There's no telling how many children have met their end at the bottom of her stomach...

[Sooner04]

I used to know a girl like that. There's no telling how many children have met their end at the bottom of her stomach...
Gobble the goop?

Swallow the splooge?

Floss with your next of kin?

Yeah, I know that one. I know her well.

[colleyvillesooner]

IBTD

[SeattleOUstudent]

Gobble the goop?

Swallow the splooge?

Floss with your next of kin?

Yeah, I know that one. I know her well.

I think I owe you a beer, Brando. We can swap stories :pop:

[Sooner_Bob]

I'm so glad I don't have a story to post in this thread.

[Turd_Ferguson]

**** that bitch i had......damn i miss that *****:mad:

[Curly Bill]

I used to know a girl like that. There's no telling how many children have met their end at the bottom of her stomach...

heh...

...and to think I almost didn't read this thread.

[VeeJay]

[COLOR=darkred] I'm talking Kennedy drunk. I had three full pitchers of the good old six-point Shiner and 12 various shots. We make it back to my friends' apartment and I pass out on the couch.

You were the right dude to start Drunkytown and what-not.

Cheers. :D

[Jerk]

God bless her, the girl could suck the flavor out of your chewing gum without ever making contact with it.

If you know what I mean.

And I think you do.

Yes, I'm talking about that.

As a married man, I have no idea about what you speak of. No idea. Not a clue.

[Jerk]

I don't mean to turn this into a bash your wife thread, but when I want 'that', you know, that mysterious act which 04 speaks of, I get laughed at. But when SHE wants it, well, guess who has to put the friggin scuba gear on and go diving? Yeah, yours truely. The panties always win :mad: It's fkn bull**** and not fkn fair.

[GottaHavePride]

Man, I hadn't even THOUGHT about that crazy asian chick in months.

:les: THANKS A LOT, OFER!

[SicEmBaylor]

I'm on the phone with mine right now, no joke.
I'm still completely in love with her.

She's as beautiful as the day I met her. =(

[GottaHavePride]

*bashes head against wall*

[Curly Bill]

I don't mean to turn this into a bash your wife thread, but when I want 'that', you know, that mysterious act which 04 speaks of, I get laughed at. But when SHE wants it, well, guess who has to put the friggin scuba gear on and go diving? Yeah, yours truely. The panties always win :mad: It's fkn bull**** and not fkn fair.

I read somewhere today that if you'll dip it in ranch dressing first they'll be all over it. ;) ;)

[VeeJay]

Oh the stories I could tell.

[bri]

You were the right dude to start Drunkytown and what-not.

Cheers. :D

That's what I've been sayin' for months. ;)

[VeeJay]

I have drank a fifth in a day (90 Proof - the old Rebel Yell), but it was rare when I drank to that extreme while hanging out with a chick.

[VeeJay]

Except for a couple of times when I had a worthy opponent.

Ah....the good old days......

[Frozen Sooner]

Now THIS is an old-school thread.

My ex-fiancee? Living in Tok ****ing Alaska. Married. Pooped out a rugrat with her ex-husband. Weighs approximately twice what she did when we were dating.

Dodged a bullet. Feel great about that one.

[bri]

If only she had doged pie.

[LilSooner]

Dangit! The things I miss while freaking working.

Oh and update on my stupid ****ing ex. He's a loser failed college basketball player, who weighs like 400lbs and married some man looking chick and popped out a kid.

I really owe the skank he slept with a huge thank you for helping me dodge that bullet. Cause if it wasn't for her whore *** I would never had met the wonderful Rhino and married him instead.

UPGRADE!

[Melo]

Oooh, Melo wants to play!

F**k up #1 - First real boyfriend, met him my second year of college. Hes the one who wore the 'f**k you, Im from Texas' shirt. Anyways. We were together for about a year. Lived about 45min. apart, after I moved back home. I would drive out for the day to hang out with him, and his idea of fun was taking me to the bar so him and his friend could play pool. Or going to the gym with him. Now, Im a doormat, so I just put up with it and didnt say a single thing, even though it made me feel like crap that instead of spending time with me (ie - playing video games, watching movies, playing pool WITH me, etc) he wanted to just drag me around to do what he wanted to do. I only saw him once a week, that means 6 other days to spend time with friends you LIVE BY. Final straw - I was on the phone with a friend for about an hour. When I got off the phone, I had 6 voicemails, 7 texts and 2 messages on myspace of various content: 'WHERE ARE YOU AND WHY WONT YOU PICK UP YOUR GOD DAMNED PHONE?!' to 'Is this it?! Thats how you want to end this? Well, have a nice life.' So I called him back, told him I had been on the phone with someone I hadnt talked to in a long time, and that I, personally, hoped he had a nice f**king life, too. His brother, who I am on good terms with, told me, basically, that exbf was just like him, the brother, in that they like pretty girls, trophy gfs, whatever. A week later, ex bf went out drinking, got extremely drunk, drove into a ditch, put his face through a windsheild, had to have surgery on his eye. Then about a month later, he drove to my house at night and spray painted all over my car.

Second guy - Nice guy, divorced, 2 kids (I pick winners, I know). Still, decent guy. Went through some issues with work, and family. Broke up with me to not have the added stress of a gf. Was at work and dropped several car batteries on himself and ended up in the ER.

Third DB - This guy was my first 'true love'. I was a complete doormat, more so than usual, did everything I could for him. Needed money? No problem. Needed me to go shopping for him? No big deal. Sure, you can have half my thing of cigarettes. Of course I will drive you home. Whatever. This guy had a heart attack at 18, then another one at 19. He got a viral infection, which turned into a viral disease, then got E coli, all in a week. They put him on Vicoden for his pain. He became addicted to the opiates, then moved on to oxycontin, then moved on to heroin. Of course, I was unaware of this, he is superb at lying. Wonderful. Come to find out, his heart attacks were from coke. He goes through a big ordeal with rehab. OF COURSE I will help you through it, of course I will support you. Final straw - He steals money from me for his drugs. I rid myself of him, tell him I cant deal with the lying, I cant deal with the track marks all over his neck and arms and legs and feet, none of it. I cant deal with it. Then he drives out to a friends, runs into a guy he owes money to, and gets beaten to within an inch of life.

Oh, and SicEm ditched me for another man. And got beat up by a biker ******.

Needless to say, after the last horrible ordeal, I am perfectly content with liking boys from afar and not being tricked into their vast sh*ttiness. I spend time pondering on how I can just sit back and let things get bad when I know they shouldnt be that way.

Id also like to point out that karma is a sweet b*tch who deals justice to the a55clowns who treat me like crap.

[Octavian]

Won't bash so much but I will say how they ended up...




1. she's now the better half of a miserable live-in relationship in the Rockies...


2. she's now married and unhappy...


3. she's now --no doubt-- still being a shallow barfly somewhere in ex-land...


4. she's now a fiance with an already-bad case of buyer's remorse...


5. she's now somewhere planning ways that Obama can create as many green jobs as possible....also unhappy...




currently trying to avoid a #6....

[Melo]

currently trying to avoid a #6....

How YOU doin? (http://www.flickr.com/photos/jrjenks/1093693406/)

:D