A Christmas Story...by SSC (so you know that SOMETHING gets screwed up in this story)

[SoonerStormchaser]

So this is our first Christmas together as husband and wife...I'm at a loss as to what to buy my wife for Christmas. I've bought her damn near everything she needs for the house in Norman as far as home improvement projects are concerned over the course of the last year (more floorboards in the attic, new trees and gardens, a garden shed, laminate flooring for the dining room, a dining room table set, etc)...so I'm running out of practical options. I ruled it down to four things I could get her: a corner china cabinet for the dining room, a Dyson vacuum cleaner that actually picks up all the cat hair (insert cougar joke here), 1/2 carat diamond stud earrings, and a new desktop computer. We both agreed that we would'nt spend too much $$ on each other this year since we travelled a lot (Vegas three times, Florida, New England, California twice, Seattle, well you get the picture) and we were going all out to get her kids what they wanted for Christmas as far as the $$ electronics were concerned.

So I decided to buy her exactly two things for Christmas: an authentic Mike Modano Dallas Stars jersey (that's her favorite player), and a brand new desktop computer for the house. I put in the order with HP at the beginning of the month and have a new tower, printer/scanner/copier and flat panel monitor shipped to her parents' house across town (so she would't see it til Christmas morning). We weren't needing a monster computer, so I went a little low on the price and got the whole package for about $600.

Package comes in just fine...the power goes out...comes back on...and somehow manages to completely fry our old desktop...the wife gets upset and asks me what we're going to do with that desktop. I say that I'll take into a shop to get it fixed after the holidays. Two days later, she tells me that the printer is now crapped out. Great...if the monitor breaks I'll be batting 3 for 3 on this deal...I'm awesome!

Christmas morning comes...the wife gets the computer...she's THRILLED. After I'm done cooking dinner for her ENTIRE FAMILY (her three kids, her parents, her brother, SIL and their kids), I'm starting to set up the computer. As it's firing up Windows Vista for the first time, I'm looking at the monitor and puzzled by the wierd language that's showing up on my screen.

THE GODDAMN COMPUTER IS IN SPANISH (including the keyboard)! I know enough Spanish to decently get around, and I managed to change what I thought was the master language settings to American English...WRONG! There is no dealing with this...you can't change it. So here I am stuck with a freaking latino computer and my wife is just laughing her *** of at me. I check the invoice...sure enough, it shows on there that I ordered a computer with all-Spanish options (I didn't).

I place a call to the HP customer service department this morning...and get someone in INDIA. Great, first I get a computer I can't understand, now I'm talking to someone I can't understand. Luckily, they admitted they screwed up and are sending me a new unit...complete with $100 worth of processor and RAM upgrades.

Aren't y'all glad you aren't in my family? At least my wife got me the one thing I wanted for Christmas, a Rod Brind'Amour Carolina Hurricanes jersey.

:rolleyes: :rolleyes: :rolleyes: :rolleyes: :pop: :pop: :pop: :pop:

[fadada1]

http://img146.imageshack.us/img146/2782/welcomezu4.jpg (http://imageshack.us)

[OKLA21FAN]

call them back now!!!!!!!


and tell them you want XP and not vista!


you are doomed if you don't....justs sayin

[SicEmBaylor]

Two questions:

First, how old are her kids?

Second question, do they call you 'dad' or 'son'?

IMWTK
TYIA!

[SoonerStormchaser]

I already know about the Vista thing...but that's all they got. Luckily, I'm going back to base to obtain me some XP installation software.

And SicEm...21,20 and 15...and no on both!
p.s. I HATE YOU! ;)

[SicEmBaylor]

I already know about the Vista thing...but that's all they got. Luckily, I'm going back to base to obtain me some XP installation software.

And SicEm...21,20 and 15...and no on both!
p.s. I HATE YOU! ;)

Did I ever tell you the single Cougar story that I have?
I think I posted it here way back when, but you may have missed it.

[SoonerStormchaser]

No...and was she older than 45? I already know the answer to the "hawt" question cause there is no woman out there hawter than my wife...except Carrie Underwood.

[SicEmBaylor]

No...and was she older than 45? I already know the answer to the "hawt" question cause there is no woman out there hawter than my wife...except Carrie Underwood.
I would estimate her age at 49. I may be deceived though by the leathery quality of her skin surely brought on by years spent under the lights of a tanning bed.

I was at this restaurant/bar in Waco (Cricket's) with a couple of friends of mine. We've got a table in the back and are minding our own business when this old *** woman in a short mini-skirt, low cut blouse, and heels walks over and just sits down at our table (no invitation to do having been given).

So, she sits down and says to me, "Don't I know you from somewhere?" and I told her, "No, I really don't think so." Well then she changes gears and says, "You boys are all Baylor students aren't you? I think I've seen you on campus on my way to class." Well, at that point we're all thinking that there's no way in hell this woman is a Baylor student.

So then she turns to my friend sitting next to her and asks him, "So how old are you?" He tells her, "I'm 26" and then she says, "Wait, what are you still doing at Baylor?" And he tells her, Well, I guess I just don't want to have to get a job yet."

Then she gets this really disgusted look on her face and jumps up yelling (literally yelling), "Ugh! That is the worst pickup line I've ever heard!"

[fadada1]

you hit it, didn't you??

[Mjcpr]

Did you sit at the big table or the little table?

[frankensooner]

I bet it was the booster seat.

[OKLA21FAN]

I would estimate her age at 49. I may be deceived though by the leathery quality of her skin surely brought on by years spent under the lights of a tanning bed.

I was at this restaurant/bar in Waco (Cricket's) with a couple of friends of mine. We've got a table in the back and are minding our own business when this old *** woman in a short mini-skirt, low cut blouse, and heels walks over and just sits down at our table (no invitation to do having been given).

So, she sits down and says to me, "Don't I know you from somewhere?" and I told her, "No, I really don't think so." Well then she changes gears and says, "You boys are all Baylor students aren't you? I think I've seen you on campus on my way to class." Well, at that point we're all thinking that there's no way in hell this woman is a Baylor student.

So then she turns to my friend sitting next to her and asks him, "So how old are you?" He tells her, "I'm 26" and then she says, "Wait, what are you still doing at Baylor?" And he tells her, Well, I guess I just don't want to have to get a job yet."

Then she gets this really disgusted look on her face and jumps up yelling (literally yelling), "Ugh! That is the worst pickup line I've ever heard!"


early the next morning, just as the sun was rising, Sicem made the walk of shame back to his place. :pop:

[IB4OU2]

I've got a slightly used walker if you're ever in need of one.

[85Sooner]

No Habla englas tranlacion to espanol por favor:)

[SicEmBaylor]

I bet it was the booster seat.
That's pretty much the case.

It wasn't until I was 19 that hostesses stopped asking if I wanted a children's menu.

[Rhino]

http://img178.imageshack.us/img178/3082/seizurejx7.gif

[Lott's Bandana]

I would estimate her age at 49. I may be deceived though by the leathery quality of her skin surely brought on by years spent under the lights of a tanning bed.

I was at this restaurant/bar in Waco (Cricket's) with a couple of friends of mine. We've got a table in the back and are minding our own business when this old *** woman in a short mini-skirt, low cut blouse, and heels walks over and just sits down at our table (no invitation to do having been given).

So, she sits down and says to me, "Don't I know you from somewhere?" and I told her, "No, I really don't think so." Well then she changes gears and says, "You boys are all Baylor students aren't you? I think I've seen you on campus on my way to class." Well, at that point we're all thinking that there's no way in hell this woman is a Baylor student.

So then she turns to my friend sitting next to her and asks him, "So how old are you?" He tells her, "I'm 26" and then she says, "Wait, what are you still doing at Baylor?" And he tells her, Well, I guess I just don't want to have to get a job yet."

Then she gets this really disgusted look on her face and jumps up yelling (literally yelling), "Ugh! That is the worst pickup line I've ever heard!"

I used to date this woman.

She wasn't a student, she taught marketing at Hankamer until last Spring. That's how she was, "...on her way to class."

I used to call her and often she'd be at Crickets, "having a drink after work".

Funny.

[SicEmBaylor]

I used to date this woman.

She wasn't a student, she taught marketing at Hankamer until last Spring. That's how she was, "...on her way to class."

I used to call her and often she'd be at Crickets, "having a drink after work".

Funny.

You have got to be kidding me.

[rufnek05]

HAHA. and I thought my Christmas day sucked. I spent my first Christmas with the girlfriends family. It was interesting. They are all Southern Baptists, No alcohol, no fun. (as compared to my ALL catholic Family Christmas where everyone gets tipsy and has a good time). This was just stressful. But I was rewarded at the end of Christmas day.

[Lott's Bandana]

Nope. Sounds exactly like her. She was being friendly (she likes to shock) and likely had seen you guys so she didn't feel an intro was necessary. She also figured her "approach" would cause a reaction she likes to feed off. Needless to say, she has a history of liking attention.

No longer teaching there because of alleged accreditation issues (no PhD), but the whispered real reason is she made all the Baylor male faculty members a wee bit nervous...and their wives.

[SicEmBaylor]

Nope. Sounds exactly like her. She was being friendly (she likes to shock) and likely had seen you guys so she didn't feel an intro was necessary. She also figured her "approach" would cause a reaction she likes to feed off. Needless to say, she has a history of liking attention.

No longer teaching there because of alleged accreditation issues (no PhD), but the whispered real reason is she made all the Baylor male faculty members a wee bit nervous...and their wives.

Wow, that's unreal.

[Lott's Bandana]

Turns out there is a lot going on down there east of I-35, south of the river...

I'll save the stories for another time and thread. I don't know Spanish anyway.

[SicEmBaylor]

Turns out there is a lot going on down there east of I-35, south of the river...

I'll save the stories for another time and thread. I don't know Spanish anyway.

How the hell do I miss all the juicy stuff that goes on down here?

[Lott's Bandana]

Well...obviously you didn't miss it completely, did you?

Oh, and you'll see. When you're in your '40s, a woman in her '40s can look pretty darn good! If this is the same woman, I got nuttin to be ashamed about...'cept for some of her obvious insecurities.