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OUAndy1807
12/10/2007, 07:41 PM
I'm pretty I've asked this before, but how old is too old to have kids? Not literally too old to have kids, but logistically.

I'm 28, the wife is 27. We're in a position to comfortably have kids and we both think that we want to "some day". I always thought I would want them more when my buddies started having them or when we got a little older. Well, we're getting older and still have no desire to have them. We're not getting any closer.

And don't get me wrong, we're not a couple of *******s. We like our friend's kids, just don't really want some of our own.

Will I ever want kids? If so, how late is too late? I feel like we're getting close to the limit (even though I know that we're not)

Rogue
12/10/2007, 07:45 PM
I don't want to be the elder statesman at the PTA meetings either. I'm 34 and still don't know that I want kids so we may just not ever want them.

I'd say 50 is too old to have kids.

Spending time with my friends who have little toddler types confirms that I don't want them now. Sweet kids, but man what an awesome responsibility and change of lifestyle.

"Everyone wants a puppy...nobody wants a dog."

walkoffsooner
12/10/2007, 07:45 PM
35 to 40 gets them out of college and you enough time to get ready to retire. Good luck kids are fun.

KABOOKIE
12/10/2007, 07:47 PM
The longer you wait the older you'll be when they're in their room listening to THAT DAMN MUSIC.

OUAndy1807
12/10/2007, 07:47 PM
the other big factor is that my parents have started to put on the full court press. they back off a little when I tell them that we'll have the kid if they'll take care of it.

1stTimeCaller
12/10/2007, 07:49 PM
tell your mom that you're not really sure how to make a baby and it would be helpful if she had any tips. ;)

olevetonahill
12/10/2007, 07:59 PM
I just got home from staying with My 2 grandsons , If I had of known how much fun they would be Id a had em 1st .
I say Do not have a kid because someone else wants you to . Have a child Cause you are ready, willing and able to take on the responsibilty .
As far as age goes ? a friend of mine is raising By jimself a 9 yr old daughter. Hes 64 .
He loves her to death , But Im glad its him and not me .

Rogue
12/10/2007, 08:00 PM
the other big factor is that my parents have started to put on the full court press.

I'll never understand this. Between parents wanting desperately to be grandparents and so many miserable parents wanting everyone to join their ranks, what's up? My life is pretty complete right now.

TopDaugIn2000
12/10/2007, 08:02 PM
my parents were 32 when I came along.

I'm 27 and have never had any desire to have children of my own. My nieces are close enough for me. I love on em for about an hour, tank em full of sugar, and send em home to my brother.

LoyalFan
12/10/2007, 08:03 PM
NevAr, EvAr, let grandma/pa wannabes shame you into spawning. I mean it!!!
However, there are an awful lot of kids out there who need a loving and safe home. Why not consider adoption when the time comes? No greater gift, my friend, no greater gift.
'Sides, researchers at a respected university have determined that obtaining a child via adoption never results in stretch marks, 'roids, flat feet, varicose veins, or sagging tittays. (At least not on the female partner.)

LF
Family Counselor
Member, Catsup Advisory Council

SicEmBaylor
12/10/2007, 08:05 PM
Never
Kids are horrible little creatures.

Earickson
12/10/2007, 08:23 PM
I think this is a question that has to be handled completely, and 100% internally by the two people who are going to be the parents. If you have to ask for outside guidance, I would think that means that YOU don't want to that much.

If you are on the fence, and start asking others for advice then just keep things simple. Don't have kids, you can't return them if you don't like what you get.

olevetonahill
12/10/2007, 08:25 PM
I think this is a question that has to be handled completely, and 100% internally by the two people who are going to be the parents. If you have to ask for outside guidance, I would think that means that YOU don't want to that much.

If you are on the fence, and start asking others for advice then just keep things simple. Don't have kids, you can't return them if you don't like what you get.

Dude he was askin an age guideline thingy . Not a Should I or shouldnt I
Just sayin

OUAndy1807
12/10/2007, 08:26 PM
I think this is a question that has to be handled completely, and 100% internally by the two people who are going to be the parents. If you have to ask for outside guidance, I would think that means that YOU don't want to that much.

If you are on the fence, and start asking others for advice then just keep things simple. Don't have kids, you can't return them if you don't like what you get.
obviously it's a decision that we'll have to make and then live with, but since when is asking advice of people who have been through it a bad thing?

OUAndy1807
12/10/2007, 08:27 PM
vet beat me to it.

damn you 60 second flood control

Rogue
12/10/2007, 08:30 PM
Never
Kids are horrible little creatures.

What's the world coming to when I agree with Sicem even a little bit? He hates Abe Lincoln.

olevetonahill
12/10/2007, 08:31 PM
vet beat me to it.

damn you 60 second flood control
Ya gots to be fast to beat the Olevet
Or a smooth talker ;)

olevetonahill
12/10/2007, 08:32 PM
What's the world coming to when I agree with Sicem even a little bit? He hates Abe Lincoln.
Dude I almost Negged him fer that comment .

Earickson
12/10/2007, 08:33 PM
all righty then, once the lady hits late 30's your chances of having birth complications and developmental problems with the fetus start to rise sharply, so I would say that is the only age guideline.

but you seemed to be asking more along the lines of "what is a good age to have/not have kids based on social reasons", that's why I say don't listen to anyone else because you don't want them pushing you and the wifey around on the correct timeline, it's yours and hers decision based on what is important to you, and while I agree that making others, especially family, happy, should not be a reason to have kids. Whether we like it or not, it is important.

Being a nurse, I would go with the health reasons because I know and trust that, so I wouldn't want to have kids with a woman older than 38.

KaiserSooner
12/10/2007, 08:36 PM
obviously it's a decision that we'll have to make and then live with, but since when is asking advice of people who have been through it a bad thing?

I don't think he's saying it is a bad thing to ask questions. Sounds like he's saying that if you have to ask questions like this, then it is likely a telling sign you aren't ready to have kids.

SicEmBaylor
12/10/2007, 08:39 PM
Dude I almost Negged him fer that comment .
For the kid or Lincoln comment?

olevetonahill
12/10/2007, 08:42 PM
all righty then, once the lady hits late 30's your chances of having birth complications and developmental problems with the fetus start to rise sharply, so I would say that is the only age guideline.

but you seemed to be asking more along the lines of "what is a good age to have/not have kids based on social reasons", that's why I say don't listen to anyone else because you don't want them pushing you and the wifey around on the correct timeline, it's yours and hers decision based on what is important to you, and while I agree that making others, especially family, happy, should not be a reason to have kids. Whether we like it or not, it is important.

Being a nurse, I would go with the health reasons because I know and trust that, so I wouldn't want to have kids with a woman older than 38.

Callin SoonerstormChaser , Calling soonerstormchaser
Pay tention Boy

olevetonahill
12/10/2007, 08:44 PM
For the kid or Lincoln comment?
Well Now Snitch that calls the PoPos on the Olevet .
Neither one can defend themselves against your Mighty Intellect Now can they :P

XingTheRubicon
12/10/2007, 08:51 PM
I've never met a good person that was a bad parent. If you are in any way unselfish at all and you are a generally a good person, you will absolutely love little miniature versions of yourselves.

To put it another way, how many honorable men do you know that love their wife, but regret having kids. The next one I meet will be the first.

FWIW, other people's kids were little bastards in my eyes all thru my 20's but my two little girls changed all that. They changed everything. My 3 year old somehow got spaghetti sauce on her back tonight, and I was for some reason smirking when I cleaned her up. It's hard to explain.

bonkuba
12/10/2007, 08:52 PM
I am 37 and the wife is 38 and we have a 4 year old little boy and a 15 month old little girl.......perfect for us!!

Everyone is different. But the age was perfect for us. We lived a lot before we had the kids....now we are living more!!! They are HUGE Sooner fans!!! They go to every game with us.....even going to the Fiesta Bowl :D

Sean

TopDaugIn2000
12/10/2007, 08:56 PM
if you have that parental feeling happening, you should go spend a day with my step-sister. she has 3 kids, and the OLDEST just turned 4 last weekend. that's three carseats, three strollers, three three three.

phead903
12/10/2007, 09:06 PM
I have neighbors that tried to have kids and couldn't get pregnant. They became foster parents and wound up adpoting 2 brothers (who are now 7 and 5) that were taken from their drug addicted mother. Of course, they immediately became pregnant with twins (who are now a year old), so now they have 4 boys under the age of 7 in their house, plus the father's 13 year old son on alternate weekends from his first marriage.

By the way, the father is 51 and the mom is younger (out of respect, I won't mention her age).:D

They both love all of the kids and say they wouldn't change a thing.

StormySooner-IN
12/10/2007, 09:18 PM
tell your mom that you're not really sure how to make a baby and it would be helpful if she had any tips or demonstrations in which you could particpate in. ;)
You sick man.......

olevetonahill
12/10/2007, 09:20 PM
You sick man.......
Your Point ? this IS the SO :D

RacerX
12/10/2007, 09:28 PM
Never
Kids are horrible little creatures.

Now that's great news.

BTW, kids are great.

RacerX
12/10/2007, 09:30 PM
I'm 41.

The oldest will be 6 in January.
The youngest will be 3 in June.

olevetonahill
12/10/2007, 09:31 PM
I'm 41.

The oldest will be 6 in January.
The youngest will be 3 in June.
Good ages fer them and you :cool:

OUAndy1807
12/10/2007, 09:41 PM
I'm 41.

The oldest will be 6 in January.
The youngest will be 3 in June.
this is kind of what I was looking for from this thread. Obviously I know you're not going to say that you regret having kids, but do you wish you had started earlier?

SanJoaquinSooner
12/10/2007, 09:53 PM
I had kids when I was 41 and 44 (my wife is 10 years younger than me).

Big advantage: professionally and financially, I was already established. I choose to be selfish with my time and energy in my 20's and early 30's, focusing on myself. Having kids later, meant I didn't have to make hard choices in spending time getting myself ahead in life and spending time with my kids. Also with age comes wisdom - I think I make better parenting decisions than I might have as a young adult.

Disadvantage: I likely will not live to see them into their middle age years....or if I do, I'll be a very old, senile sob.

Based on my own experience, I'd say for a man, mid 30s would be the best years to start a family.... though it obviously depends on individual circumstances.

olevetonahill
12/10/2007, 10:03 PM
Dayum I agree with jaun :D
If i was contemplating Havin kids . I dont think Id go much past mid to late 30 s
Just sayin .
My 1st was born when I was 23 , me to young my 2nd I was 26 still to young , My Baby girl I was 28 and on my way.
But I was so busy building a Buisness and then losing it . that I missed out on a lot .:(

bluedogok
12/10/2007, 10:13 PM
I am 43 and my wife is 42, we didn't get married until 2003 (39/38) and neither of us had been married previously. I went through enough of my friends divorces that I didn't want to get married until I felt that I was really ready for the commitment and that was more important when having a child. So we didn't have a chance to have one earlier. We have been trying and figure if it happens, it was meant to be.

olevetonahill
12/10/2007, 10:16 PM
I am 43 and my wife is 42, we didn't get married until 2003 (39/38) and neither of us had been married previously. I went through enough of my friends divorces that I didn't want to get married until I felt that I was really ready for the commitment and that was more important when having a child. So we didn't have a chance to have one earlier. We have been trying and figure if it happens, it was meant to be.
If you want a child I wish you luck .

RacerX
12/10/2007, 10:27 PM
this is kind of what I was looking for from this thread. Obviously I know you're not going to say that you regret having kids, but do you wish you had started earlier?
Not yet.

I'm at a point in my life where I am much more mature and I'm not selfish with my time.

My free time is their free time.

It is killing me right now to be earning a masters. But I only have 1 more semester to go. So if you're thinking about additional education, do it now.

My Dad is 75. He is not a very old, senile olevet.

olevetonahill
12/10/2007, 10:30 PM
Not yet.

I'm at a point in my life where I am much more mature and I'm not selfish with my time.

My free time is their free time.

My Dad is 75. He is not a very old, senile olevet.

Ill drink to that .:D

RacerX
12/10/2007, 10:36 PM
I thought you'd like that.

Seriously, my dad is a retired Army Colonel. Full bird.

He served in Korea and Vietnam. He took his family with him to Okinawa and Germany.

He retired as the Deputy Commandant of the USDB in Ft. Leavenworth.

As a kid I remember living in San Antonio, Germany, and Ft. Leavenworth. He retired and we moved to OKC.

Great man. This year he turned 75, Mom turned 70 a few days ago, and Dec 29 they will have been married 50.

FirstandGoal
12/10/2007, 10:38 PM
There are pros and cons to either side.

I had my son when I was 24, my daughter when I was 28. I got through college faster than normal with a pharmacy degree by the time I was 22, so at least I did wait until I had a good steady job before taking on the responsibility of being a parent.

My 20's and early 30's were not about me, they were about the kids and making sure that I balanced my life enough between work and home to do the best I could. There were many tough times and some days I would honestly have changed the time I had them if I could.
The upside to this is that my 50's onward will be all about me and I will not be trying to retire and send kids to college at the same time.

I can also see the attraction of waiting till mid to late 30's to start a family as well.

All in all, I don't think there is a 100% 'right' answer to this question as each and every one of us has our own situation/story to tell and ultimately the decision is up to you and the wife. :)

RacerX
12/10/2007, 10:41 PM
All in all, I don't think there is a 100% 'right' answer to this question as each and every one of us has our own situation/story to tell and ultimately the decision is up to you and the wife. :)
Exactly.

There are two undeniable truths about having kids -

You don't really know what it feels like to be tired
and
You don't really know what love is

until you have kids.

MiccoMacey
12/10/2007, 10:51 PM
I was 36 with my first one, and 38 with my second.

Mrs. MiccoMacey was 32 and 34.

The kids were 0 and 0 when they were born.

:D

olevetonahill
12/10/2007, 11:44 PM
I thought you'd like that.

Seriously, my dad is a retired Army Colonel. Full bird.

He served in Korea and Vietnam. He took his family with him to Okinawa and Germany.

He retired as the Deputy Commandant of the USDB in Ft. Leavenworth.

As a kid I remember living in San Antonio, Germany, and Ft. Leavenworth. He retired and we moved to OKC.

Great man. This year he turned 75, Mom turned 70 a few days ago, and Dec 29 they will have been married 50.

Tell em I said GRATs
Dad was 74 when he passed , Mom was 70 at the time . They had thier 50
Mom passed at 78
Enjoy em while Ya got em , wether its Kids Or parents .

RacerX
12/10/2007, 11:50 PM
Enjoy em while Ya got em , wether its Kids Or parents .
http://www.soonerfans.com/forums/images/icons/icon14.gif

KC//CRIMSON
12/10/2007, 11:58 PM
I would say you're never too old to have kids. However, on the flip side, supposedly the older the woman gets the greater the risk for birth defects and other health problems. So I've read anyway.

1stTimeCaller
12/11/2007, 12:01 AM
My dad was 38 or 39, mom was 27/28 when they had me. I only got to enjoy him for 13 years and 44 days.

It would have been nice to have spent more time with him but I'm not gonna question Him.

royalfan5
12/11/2007, 12:22 AM
My parents were 26 when I was born. My dad died 4 days after his 27th birthday from cancer that was pretty far advanced when it was discovered a month after I was born. My advice would be to make sure both of you get completely checked out before you have a kid. Random bad things can still happen to you, but there is no need to get caught unprepared by something that could have been prevented.

MamaMia
12/11/2007, 12:24 AM
I can only speak from my own experience. We had our children at a fairly young age. Young enough in fact, that when I'm with my grandchildren, people think I'm their mom. :D

I think whether to, or when to have children depends on each person. Having a child is a huge responsibility, but also a great blessing. What one needs to remember when planning on having children is that there are major sacrifices to be made. Having children is a commitment that never ends, no matter how old your children are. Their daily needs are at the forefront, and their needs are plenty. Of course, having children will certainly limit the parents ability to do certain things because the children will and should come first.

Our first child was unplanned but we decided to continue building our family at that time. The second child came a few years later. All of the children were born in a ten year span. When the youngest started kindergarten I went back to finish college. We love being parents but didn't want to be raising children all our lives. We tried our best to space them apart enough as not to have two in college at the same time, however the youngest daughter was a complete surprise, so we did have two at OU at the same time. That year was pretty tough.

Now they're off living their own lives. My husband and I are still young enough to have loads of fun. We have a daughter in college. A single daughter on her own, and two children with little ones of their own.

VMG
12/11/2007, 07:08 AM
I've gotta laugh at 27 and 28 year old adults feeling "old"... My wife and I were 46 and 39 respectively when we had our last (a girl). Apart from the matter of "getting pregnant" -- which wasn't a problem in our case -- the potential for problems increases when both parents are over 40.

"She" will be 7 in January, and is an absolute joy.

Harry Beanbag
12/11/2007, 07:21 AM
I've gotta laugh at 27 and 28 year old adults feeling "old"...


No kidding, I can't believe nobody else has pointed this out yet. :)

I just turned 36 last month and the wife is 31 and expecting our first child in February. It's about three years later than we wanted to start, but circumstances didn't cooperate.

AMSooner
12/11/2007, 10:35 AM
We just had our first child a year ago (12/27/06). I was 32 and Mr. AM was 33. I do not wish we had done it sooner. It is the hardest thing I have ever done. I love my child more than anything, but there are many challenging days. Do not have a child because other people think you should. I was married for over 8 years before my son was born. I know what kind of pressure people can put on you. You are only 27 and 28. You are not old and have more than enough time.

Zbird
12/11/2007, 01:16 PM
I was 23 and a college senior for the first one (too young). The second came along (second marriage) at 36 and the last at 41 (second wife 9 years younger). Regrets for not spending enough time with any of them due to demands of graduate school and chasing $, but mama #2 did a good job raising all of them. I have no regrets about the decisions or age relationships or the joy they've brought me.

Sooner_Bob
12/11/2007, 01:33 PM
this is kind of what I was looking for from this thread. Obviously I know you're not going to say that you regret having kids, but do you wish you had started earlier?

My wife and I decided that when we got married that we wanted to have some time to just enjoy ourselves before we started trying to have kids.

We had our first when we were both 26/27 and our youngest when we were 29/30. They are now 6 and 9 and are just at the right ages for us.

Sooner_Bob
12/11/2007, 01:37 PM
Exactly.

There are two undeniable truths about having kids -

You don't really know what it feels like to be tired
and
You don't really know what love is

until you have kids.


That and the fact that you don't realize how boring your life was until after you have them.

Scott D
12/11/2007, 01:45 PM
In the end it'll vary from couple to couple.

Plenty of people who have children at younger ages (17-22) harbor regrets or hidden resentment of some type about the fact that they had children at that age and missed out on some of their own life. Others are like Racer where they're comfortable in their life enough that they don't need to be their own primary focus.

At 42 (her) and 34 (me) my wife and I know that we aren't going to have any children, well outside of the one she had when she was 17. There's nothing wrong with not necessarily wanting to have children of your own Andy. Obviously not everyone needs to be a parent, and there are plenty of children in the world that need parents if you should decide to raise any beyond child bearing years.

Besides, there's nothing like being up at 2am wondering where your teenager is on a Saturday night when they know that they were to be home by 11pm ;)

The Maestro
12/11/2007, 02:04 PM
I'm pretty

Arrogance is not a good trait for a dad.

Wait longer. ;)

soonerbrat
12/11/2007, 03:21 PM
Personally, I'm glad that by the time I'm 41, both my kids will be in college and I will be free! I used to resent that my whole 20's and 30's were spent raising kids, but now, I can see that it's better for me this way because I would've probably made some REALLY stupid mistakes in my 20's..now i'm older and wiser and can have that freedom without the stupidness.

85Sooner
12/11/2007, 06:52 PM
We were 38 and 34 another at 41 and 37 we are done.

Oldnslo
12/11/2007, 07:26 PM
We were both 33 for the Princess and 34 for the Beautiful Boy.

If I had known how much I was going to love them, I wouldn't have waited so long.

That being said, being financially established meant that neither the kids nor the wife unit and I have ever had to do without. OTOH... maybe if we'd started earlier, we might've snuck in a 3rd.

My son would have made an awesome big brother to some kid. As it is, littleun's at his school follow him around like he's their hero. 'cause I guess he is.

Did I say that if I had known how much I was going to love them, I'd have had them sooner?

Sometimes I just look at my little girl and am amazed how wonderful and beautiful she is.

Anyway, enough about me. It's never too late to have kids. But you might have to adopt.

76soonergrad
12/11/2007, 07:48 PM
We have six, count 'em six kids. In 14 years.

The oldest is 26. The youngest is 11, in 5th grade. And, I had him at 41.


It's true, the baby gets away with everything. I didn't want to say murder.

There was a 3 month span in the late '80s when we didn't have diapers.... But the youngest has been trained, obviously, for a long time.


The thing is--going through all the stages multiple times. The terrible twos, adolescence. We had 3 boys, 2 girls, and a boy. One at a time. It wasn't a plan.

Thank God we had the boys first. It better prepared me for the "drama" of high school girls. Teenagers help keep you young, but also age you beyond your years. Why is that? When they start to drive, dial back their curfew.

I think it would be better to have them & get it started. Prices are just going to go up. And, as one poster put it, "You don't know what love is until you are a parent." Or what it is to be tired.

Your best friends will become people who are parents of your kids' friends. Your kids' activities will become your social life. The bigger the family, the more people you know. And recognize your car. Your house will be toilet papered. You will help with homework. Keep posterboard in your house, you never know when you'll need it. And extra school supplies.

Just sayin'. Diapers, formula, & groceries will all increase in price.

C'mon. There is nothing more satisfying than having children. But, I would hate it if someone was pressuring me. It is the decision of the couple, period.


So, what are you waiting for?





Try as I might, I still can't think which one I would give back.....smile.






_______________________________

ChickSoonerFan
12/11/2007, 08:07 PM
I don't think there is a sure fire formula that will work for every person.

I had my first at 26 and my second at 33. Both pregnancies were similar and I don't feel much different with either little one based on my age.

I wouldn't change a thing in the world because I can't imagine my life without these two exact little darlings I have, but if I were to give advice, I would say be married a while before you have kids. That is the bigger factor, taking time for the two of you to build a very strong relationship and have time to be a couple if you want before you have a baby. Because that can change everything. We had our first within the first year and got so completely swept up in parenthood, that maybe our relationship suffered.

You have time. Enjoy eachother for now if you are not just dying to have a little one.

Sooner_Bob
12/11/2007, 08:27 PM
I don't think there is a sure fire formula that will work for every person.

I had my first at 26 and my second at 33. Both pregnancies were similar and I don't feel much different with either little one based on my age.

I wouldn't change a thing in the world because I can't imagine my life without these two exact little darlings I have, but if I were to give advice, I would say be married a while before you have kids. That is the bigger factor, taking time for the two of you to build a very strong relationship and have time to be a couple if you want before you have a baby. Because that can change everything. We had our first within the first year and got so completely swept up in parenthood, that maybe our relationship suffered.

You have time. Enjoy eachother for now if you are not just dying to have a little one.


Listen to her . . . she's pretty sharp. :D















Of course I posted it first (http://www.soonerfans.com/forums/showpost.php?p=2152663&postcount=54). :D

SoonerStormchaser
12/12/2007, 12:03 PM
Well Andy,
I'm nearly 25...my wife's 45...we're actively trying (when I get home on the weekends). That answer your question?

Mjcpr
12/12/2007, 01:41 PM
So, you're 24 1/2 ?

:D

OUAndy1807
12/12/2007, 03:01 PM
Well Andy,
I'm nearly 25...my wife's 45...we're actively trying (when I get home on the weekends). That answer your question?
no

SoonerStormchaser
12/12/2007, 05:49 PM
Ok, then let me put it simply: when your wife hits menopause, then it's too old to have kids!