Football jokes

[CincySooner]

I know these are Bengals jokes, but I thought they were funny.

I especially liked the 2nd one.

Q: What do you call 47 millionaires around a TV watching theSuper Bowl?
A: The Cincinnati Bengals.

Q: What do the Bengals and Billy Graham have in common?
A: They both can make 70,000 people stand up and yell 'JesusChrist.'

Q: How do you keep a Cincinnati Bengal out of your yard?
A: Put up a scarecrow dressed as a Cincinnati Police Officer.

Q: Where do you go in Cincinnati in case of a tornado?
A: To Paul Brown Stadium - they never get a touchdown there.

Q: What do you call a Cincinnati Bengal with a Super Bowl ring?
A: A thief.

Q: What's the difference between the Cincinnati Bengals and adollar bill?
A: You can still get four good quarters out of a dollar bill.

Q: What do the Cincinnati Bengals and possums have in common?
A: Both play dead at home and get killed on the road.

[Scoregasm]

Why do (insert team) players keep their Wonderlic results on their dash boards?
So they can park in the handicap spaces.

What do you get when you put the girlfriends of a dozen (insert team) fans in one room?
A full set of teeth!

If you see a (insert team) fan on a bike, why should you not swerve to hit him?
It could be your bike

What do you get if you see a (insert team) fan buried up to his neck in sand?
More sand!

You're trapped in a room with an angry grizzly bear, a hungry Lion, and a fan of(insert team). You have a gun with two bullets. What should you do?
Shoot the (insert team) fan… twice.

What do you call a (insert team) fan with half a brain?
Gifted!

What did the average (insert team) player get on his Wonderlic test?
Drool!

[goingoneight]

What's the difference between OSU and cereal?

Cereal belongs in a bowl.

[badger]

Here's an old Packer fans' favorite from a few years ago. I will update the player's names to make it more funny.

The Minnesota Vikings and the Green Bay Packers had long been rivals, sometimes the Packers would win, sometimes the Vikings would. Alas, they could not figure out who was better on the football field, so in the tradition of incredibly cold weather half the year in that area, they decided to settle it once and for all with an ice fishing contest for three days.

The first day, the Packers caught 100 fish, but the Vikings caught none.

The second day, the Packers caught 100 fish, but the Vikings once again caught none.

The Vikings coaches are furious. They want to find out what makes the Packers' lake so damn special, compared to a lake in the land of a thousand lakes. So, they send their fastest runner disguised as a Packers player the third day - Adrian Peterson.

The Packers caught their usual 100 fish, while the Vikings managed to catch zero. Final score: Vikings 0, Packers 300.

The coaches asked AD how the Packers did it. AD looked really ****ed off at them.

"They're cheating. They're cutting holes in the ice!"

[StormySooner-IN]

Here's an old Packer fans' favorite from a few years ago. I will update the player's names to make it more funny.

The Minnesota Vikings and the Green Bay Packers had long been rivals, sometimes the Packers would win, sometimes the Vikings would. Alas, they could not figure out who was better on the football field, so in the tradition of incredibly cold weather half the year in that area, they decided to settle it once and for all with an ice fishing contest for three days.

The first day, the Packers caught 100 fish, but the Vikings caught none.

The second day, the Packers caught 100 fish, but the Vikings once again caught none.

The Vikings coaches are furious. They want to find out what makes the Packers' lake so damn special, compared to a lake in the land of a thousand lakes. So, they send their fastest runner disguised as a Packers player the third day - Adrian Peterson.

The Packers caught their usual 100 fish, while the Vikings managed to catch zero. Final score: Vikings 0, Packers 300.

The coaches asked AD how the Packers did it. AD looked really ****ed off at them.

"They're cheating. They're cutting holes in the ice!"I'm a Vikes fan (and a Colts fan of course)

That was just freakin hilarious!!:D spek

[goingoneight]

Except for the whole bashing AD thingy, though. :D

[badger]

Except for the whole bashing AD thingy, though. :D
To be fair, the joke used to be about Randy Moss, who was unbelievably hated by the Packers faithful. He not only beat us on occasion, but smeared it in fans' faces :mad:

Since I figured most people would know that Viking better than... say... Darren Sharper?? Yeah, I replaced Moss with him.

It is my hope to get a few converts here from recent Sooner Bears fans and Sooner Vikings fans :mad: I suppose that will only happen if we start holding onto a few Sooners.

Just to continue with my ribbing of former Sooners, here's another, edited for Sooner fandom :D

Troy Aikman, after enjoying his remaining years on a beautiful Oklahoma ranch overlooking Green Country, passed away and went to heaven.

God welcomed the state of Oklahoma's own quarterback stud and bestowed a beautiful mansion on him. It was very nice, had two stories, a big backyard to toss a ball around in, and even a few Dallas Cowboys flags.

However, he looked over to his right, and he saw an even larger mansion, complete with many Packers flags, commemorative things from the many championship years and the mansion itself was five stories tall, solid gold with green trim.

Troy Aikman sulked a little, then went up to God and said, "I don't mean to sound ungracious, but why does Brett Favre get a bigger mansion than me?"

God smiled on his dear son Troy, and replied "That's not Favre's house. That's MY house!"

[badger]

Just thought of another classic that we used on our rivals... I'll make it Soonerized :D

Three football fans visited the Barry Switzer Center to behold the magical National Championship trophy of 2000. The stupid Bears fan accidentally bumped it, which caused the crystal football to fly toward the ground, but when the Packers fan caught it, he rubbed it to reveal a Sooner Magic genie. The Dallas Cowboys fan, being a REAL Roy Williams fan, did a little dance and asked if he could get a wish.

"Fine, I'll grant each of you one wish, because each of your teams has a little Sooner Magic," the Sooner Magic genie said.

The Dallas Cowboys fan said, "My dad was a farmer, his dad was a farmer, and I'm a farmer too, so I wish that my son our family could continue being farmers, except on Sundays when we get to watch Roy Williams kick the hell outta any opponents."

The genie smiled at the mention of Roy Williams, and granted the Cowboys fan his wish.

The Chicago Bears fan, was still sulking over last year's Super Bowl loss. "All of our team sucks," he said. "Rex Grossman sucks, even our former Sooner players suck, because they keep getting injured. But hey, the second we're good again, I don't want any stupid Wisconsin or Minnesota or Iowa people to enjoy any of it, so I wish for a big wall to be put around our state so none of them can jump the border."

The genie did not like his Sooners' greatness being questioned, but he kept his word and granted his wish. A big wall was put around Illinois, with the Bears fan inside to enjoy it.

The Packers fan, still admiring the crystal football (it reminded her of the silver Lombardi trophies that the Packers had won several times), gave her wish a moment's thought.

"Tell me more about this Illinois wall," she said.

"Well," grumpy genie replied, still angry at the ungrateful Bears fan, "It's about 200 feet tall, has no holes in it, and is so secure that nothing can enter and nothing can get out."

"Ok," replied the Packer girl. "I wish that you would fill Illinois with 200 feet of water."

[aurorasooner]

I was at Braums today and.......

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a young osu fan asked what I would like. I asked for a hot fudge sundae with extra hot fudge and the aggie told me that it only came in one temperature................

[william_brasky]

The Oklahoma A&M Aggies were playing the Texas Longhorns in a game back in the early 20th century. It was a hard fought game. At halftime the score was 0-0. A defensive battle.

At the end of the 3rd quarter, still no score.

Midway through the 4th with the score still 0-0, a train goes by and toots its horn. Longhorn players and fans think that's the end of the ballgame and make their way off the field.

Aggies score 3 plays later to win it.

[KingBarry]

An old one:

After fans in the osu student section threw handgrenades into the visiting Sooners section, what did the OU fans do?

--------------

Pulled the pins and threw them back.

[goingoneight]

What do you call an OSU fan who wears orange on gameday and black every other day?

A stupid aggie... what else?

Yeah... these generic jokes are teh easy.

[hgarmorer]

How can you tell its homecoming in Stillwater?


The cheerleaders armpit hair is braided

[JBaker]

Why does OSU wear orange?

So their fans can wear orange to the game on Saturday and the other 6 days picking up trash along the highway.

[pott_2]

Troy Aikman, after enjoying his remaining years on a beautiful Oklahoma ranch overlooking Green Country, passed away and went to heaven.

God welcomed the state of Oklahoma's own quarterback stud and bestowed a beautiful mansion on him. It was very nice, had two stories, a big backyard to toss a ball around in, and even a few Dallas Cowboys flags.

However, he looked over to his right, and he saw an even larger mansion, complete with many Packers flags, commemorative things from the many championship years and the mansion itself was five stories tall, solid gold with green trim.

Troy Aikman sulked a little, then went up to God and said, "I don't mean to sound ungracious, but why does Brett Favre get a bigger mansion than me?"

God smiled on his dear son Troy, and replied "That's not Favre's house. That's MY house!"
I tell that joke but I use Bob Stoops and Mack Brown

[KansasSooner]

This old one has always been my favorite.


Little Johnny was in his 4th grade class when the teacher asked the children what their fathers did for a living. All the typical answers came up -- fireman, policeman, salesman, etc... Johnny was being uncharacteristically quiet and so the teacher asked him about his father.

"My father s an exotic dancer in a gay cabaret and takes off all his clothes in front of other men. Sometimes, if the offer s really good, he ll go out to the alley with some guy and make love with him for money."

The teacher, obviously shaken by this statement, hurriedly set the other children to work on some coloring, and took Little Johnny aside to ask him, "Is that really true about your father?"

"No," said Johnny, "He coaches football at the University of Texas, but I was too embarrassed to say so."