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OUHOMER
9/28/2007, 08:02 AM
My BIL is about to go down that road and is pretty tore up about it. They are in debt up to their eye balls, maybe even over their head. he took a loan out on his 401k sometime back and they are taking it out of his check each week. so his check sucks.

His wife makes more them he does, and sends it faster than anybody i have ever seen. they have two kids ages (aprox) 12 and 8.

Bottom line is He is moving out this weekend, doesn't have a pot to **** in. Again his check sucks big time. He doesn't know what to do. can't afford a lawyer. She on the other hand has access to her big time company lawyer.

So i guess my question is this. Is a divorce basically a mathematical formula?

he can not survive on what he brings home due to 401k loan, let alone try and pay bills and child support.

i dont really understand this, because on paper they make great money.

I need answers folks because he may be moving in with us.:O

sanantoniosooner
9/28/2007, 08:05 AM
This crap sucks. I got no advice, but I hope it works out.

sooner_born_1960
9/28/2007, 08:07 AM
He might look into getting a second job until he can get the debt managable.

OUHOMER
9/28/2007, 08:10 AM
yea, me too, hes a great guy, She is and has been trying to climb the old corp ladder. He is a working stiff, who takes care of the kids, cleans the house etc, because she is too busy. Works late every night, has to fly out of town all the time, etc.

OUHOMER
9/28/2007, 08:11 AM
He might look into getting a second job until he can get the debt managable.

She would just spent it. plus he has to watch the kids everyday after school

sanantoniosooner
9/28/2007, 08:12 AM
so why doesn't he take the kids and let her pay child support?

usmc-sooner
9/28/2007, 08:14 AM
you're going to let your BIL move in with you after divorcing your sister?

sooner_born_1960
9/28/2007, 08:15 AM
so why doesn't he take the kids and let her pay child support?
Winner!

OUHOMER
9/28/2007, 08:16 AM
you're going to let your BIL move in with you after divorcing your sister?
wifes brother

OUHOMER
9/28/2007, 08:19 AM
so why doesn't he take the kids and let her pay child support?
he would love too. but she would fight him, because it would make her look bad.
her plan is to have him rent a house in the same neighbor hood. so he can continue to take care of the kids until she gets home, etc. Of course she does not understand, they are broke. or rather refuses to admit it.

usmc-sooner
9/28/2007, 08:22 AM
wifes brother

OK that makes more sense.
Don't have any answers I feel for him. I had a Marine, whose wife was like this. She was a spendaholic. She wouldn't change for anything. Last I heard he was probably headed for divorce with his credit in shambles.

Okla-homey
9/28/2007, 08:26 AM
All I have to say is this, if she has counsel and he doesn't, he's very likely to be skinned alive on the property division. Yes, there are stautes that help define a "fair and equitable" property division, but there's wiggle room.

You might be surprised how affordable it would be. The alternative is potentially very expensive.

In short, tell him to find a lawyer.

OUHOMER
9/28/2007, 08:31 AM
All I have to say is this, if she has counsel and he doesn't, he's very likely to be skinned alive on the property division. Yes, there are stautes that help define a "fair and equitable" property division, but there's wiggle room.

You might be surprised how affordable it would be. The alternative is potentially very expensive.

In short, tell him to find a lawyer.

We have told him to find one, but he doesnt have any money. i told him most will work something out. because if she takes action first he is doubled screwed.

SoonerGirl06
9/28/2007, 08:42 AM
he would love too. but she would fight him, because it would make her look bad.
her plan is to have him rent a house in the same neighbor hood. so he can continue to take care of the kids until she gets home, etc. Of course she does not understand, they are broke. or rather refuses to admit it.

Sounds like she wants her cake and eat it too. You're BIL needs to grow some and fight her on this. All he needs to do is put down a retainer, usually they'll make payment plans on the rest.

Or... he can let her have the kids and the complete responsibility that goes along with them. Let her get a taste of what it's like having to care for them completely. I guarantee she'll be begging for him to take them if all she cares about is climbing the corporate ladder.

OUHOMER
9/28/2007, 08:50 AM
Sounds like she wants her cake and eat it too. You're BIL needs to grow some and fight her on this. All he needs to do is put down a retainer, usually they'll make payment plans on the rest.

Or... he can let her have the kids and the complete responsibility that goes along with them. Let her get a taste of what it's like having to care for them completely. I guarantee she'll be begging for him to take them if all she cares about is climbing the corporate ladder.
exactly what i have been telling him. let her play the single mom role for a while.its tough role to play. I know my mom raise 3 kids by herself, and i still dont know how she did it.

but yea, if this is what she wants let her have for a while. His only draw back to this is. 1. he loves his kids , 2. he is afraid that if he leaves and lets her play the role, he will be abandoning the kids in the courts eye.

SoonerGirl06
9/28/2007, 08:56 AM
exactly what i have been telling him. let her play the single mom role for a while.its tough role to play. I know my mom raise 3 kids by herself, and i still dont know how she did it.

but yea, if this is what she wants let her have for a while. His only draw back to this is. 1. he loves his kids , 2. he is afraid that if he leaves and lets her play the role, he will be abandoning the kids in the courts eye.

The last thing the kids need to see is daddy torn to pieces because of what mommy's doing to him. He needs to stay strong, especially in front of them. Be there for him when he melts down.

He REALLY needs to talk to an attorney. They usually offer a free consultation to let you know what needs to be done to "save face" in front of the judge.

This is a tough situation to be in. I wish you all luck... especially the kids.

jk the sooner fan
9/28/2007, 09:11 AM
i cant imagine a company lawyer representing an employee in a divorce

that doesnt sound right

OUHOMER
9/28/2007, 09:16 AM
i cant imagine a company lawyer representing an employee in a divorce

that doesnt sound right

me either, but her boss/owner would probably pay for it and deduct it from her check or from her bonuses. she works for a small company that would do that for her.

SoonerGirl06
9/28/2007, 09:21 AM
me either, but her boss/owner would probably pay for it and deduct it from her check or from her bonuses. she works for a small company that would do that for her.

This will be her first mistake... hiring a "company lawyer". Your BIL needs to make the smart move and hire an attorney specializing in family law and a good one too.

Surely someone on here could recommend a lawyer who could help.

usmc-sooner
9/28/2007, 09:47 AM
You got a lady and you want her gone
But you ain't got the guts
She keeps naggin' at you night 'n' day
Enough to drive you nuts
Pick up the phone, leave her alone
It's time you made a stand
For a fee, I'm happy to be
Your back door man, hey

Dirty deeds done dirt cheap
Dirty deeds done dirt cheap
Dirty deeds done dirt cheap
Dirty deeds and they're done dirt cheap, yeah
Dirty deeds and they're done dirt cheap

Okla-homey
9/28/2007, 10:00 AM
one more thing, he can go to this website and figure what his child support payments are going to be for the two kiddoes. Not a lot of wiggle room cuz its per a schedule kinda like taxes.

www.familiesintransition.com

Frozen Sooner
9/28/2007, 10:03 AM
This will be her first mistake... hiring a "company lawyer". Your BIL needs to make the smart move and hire an attorney specializing in family law and a good one too.

Surely someone on here could recommend a lawyer who could help.

I was thinking the same thing. A "company lawyer" is likely someone who reviews contracts and helps with compliance-company lawyers typically aren't people who are great trial attorneys-and family law needs GREAT trial skills.

I guess ask your BIL what's more expensive: paying a lawyer now, or having the wife end up with the kids, an inequitable property settlement, and having to pay child support until the kids are out of college-'cause that's what's going to happen if she comes to court with a lawyer and he doesn't.

Frozen Sooner
9/28/2007, 10:05 AM
Oh, yeah, a point on the bills:

Many divorce courts set up in the divorce decree which partner is responsible for paying what bill. The creditors are under no obligation to pay any attention to this. The best explanation for this I've heard is that since the creditor is not a party to any litigation, the court has no power to alter the creditor's contracts with anyone or release anyone from obligation under the creditor's contracts.

SteelClip49
9/28/2007, 10:23 AM
Homer, if he knows football well enough, perhaps he can apply for the TAMU job. Good luck to him in getting through this.

sanantoniosooner
9/28/2007, 10:25 AM
Homer, if he knows football well enough, perhaps he can apply for the TAMU job. Good luck to him in getting through this.
Since when was "knowing football well enough" a prerequisite for the TAMU job?

Stoop Dawg
9/28/2007, 01:11 PM
he would love too. but she would fight him, because it would make her look bad.
her plan is to have him rent a house in the same neighbor hood. so he can continue to take care of the kids until she gets home, etc. Of course she does not understand, they are broke. or rather refuses to admit it.

My plan would be to have *her* rent a house in the same neighborhood. And she can come visit the kids when she gets off work.

sooner_born_1960
9/28/2007, 01:14 PM
yea, me too, hes a great guy, She is and has been trying to climb the old corp ladder. He is a working stiff, who takes care of the kids, cleans the house etc, because she is too busy. Works late every night, has to fly out of town all the time, etc.
She's cheating on him, if that makes any difference.

Stoop Dawg
9/28/2007, 01:18 PM
My sister and her ex both filed for bankruptcy right after their divorce. She didn't want to, but he did and so she had to. As Mike Rich said, regardless of how the court splits the debts the creditors still go after whoever they can. Since he filed for bankruptcy they were after her for "his" debts, so she ended up having to file as well.

Not sure how this works with the new bankruptcy laws. As everyone else has said, he needs to talk to a lawyer.

85Sooner
9/28/2007, 02:27 PM
Have him consult with every major cut throat attorney whether he can afford it or not. Once he does this I believe that they are forbidden to even consider her now or in the future regarding the action.

I am sure he can work something out, I would ge the meanest nastiest female divorce attorney I could. Work out a deal and then let her go fight for it.

From what you say it sounds as if the wife is more interested in her career and boy toy than her family and you say she spends like the federal government. IMHO he should get the kids and she will be paying spousel support. I am not an attorney but that is what I would do.

I also think he take an ad out in the paper stating that from this day forth he is only responsible for his debts or something like that (to prevent her from spending everything.) again any ATTYS here that can chime in. If not try Handle onthe law. I will try to get the link,

http://www.handelonthelaw.com/?gclid=CPqS_ODx5o4CFVB1OAodAlYkFg


He is very good and nationally known and might have links to those who can help. Good luck

Frozen Sooner
9/28/2007, 02:31 PM
Is OK a community property state? I can never remember if it is.

Anyhow, tell him he needs to cancel the joint credit cards ASAP.

MamaMia
9/28/2007, 03:08 PM
My niece has a bit more of a generous pay check than does her former husband. When she filed for a divorce, she asked for sole custody. Through his attorney, the children's father petitioned the court for, and was granted, joint custody and has the kids about half the time. There was no child support awarded. Hes a great dad though, so it all worked out well. It sounds as if your brother in law is the type of father who will see to it that his children will have what they need, and then some. Would joint custody be a possibility in your case?

Your brother in law really does need to get an attorney. His children's best interest are at stake. I know a great attorney in Norman that is reasonably priced if you need a referral. He travels to courts in the surrounding counties.

Okla-homey
9/28/2007, 03:08 PM
Is OK a community property state?

No. texass is.

frankensooner
9/28/2007, 03:45 PM
If you are in Oklahoma County, pm me and I will tell you the name of the nastiest meaniest family practice lawyer in okc. Also, the court can order one party to pay both the attorney fees, if need is shown.

StoopTroup
9/28/2007, 04:42 PM
Tell him to let her file.

Mark 10 - King James.


What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.


Don't let him get down on himself.

She's letting a good guy go and won't probably won't figure it out until it's to late.

Take Homey's advice.

Get him an attorney and loan him the dough until he gets it together again.

Prayers to them all.

I hate to see kids involved in these messes....

BudSooner
9/28/2007, 05:43 PM
Man that sucks, i'm going thru the same thing...and lemme throw one thing out.
3RD PARTY NEGOTIATIONS, if the two can resolve the issue with a mediator it will make things easier on both parties.
Mike, alot of what you said made alot of sense and i'm gonna remembe that when i'm going to court.
Which should have happened by now by my wife is dragging her feet and it appears now that we may have to wait another 90 days if something is not done by October 17th.

One more thing, since it is state law for couples going thru divorce to attend counseling on how to handle telling the kids about divorce and what to tell them.....tell him to make sure and keep notes. it's helped me.

And damn, if anyone walks out of that class without shedding a tear then they have no emotions. it reminded me of when my parents divorced. :(

soonerboomer93
9/28/2007, 08:48 PM
I'm single and got no kids so all I can tell you is what friends who have had divorces have said to me.

The one's who have been through the custody fight and won custody stated that every single dime they spent was worth it. No matter how they had to scrape the money together, how they had to work extra hours and extra jobs, because when it came to their kids and knowing their kids wanted to be with them over the mother, they have no regrets.

LilSooner
9/28/2007, 09:22 PM
He should ask for alimony if she does make more money than him.

As someone who has been put through 4 divorces by the time they were 21. What ever he does DO NOT LET THE KIDS GET IN THE MIDDLE. Do not talk bad about their mother, and do not make them feel like they have to choose between the two parents.

It will **** them up for life.

Okla-homey
9/29/2007, 06:06 AM
As someone who has been put through 4 divorces by the time they were 21.

...so this most recent one was your fifth marriage? dayum!;)

LilSooner
9/29/2007, 09:50 AM
Boo I'm talking about my craptastic parents.

No this is my very first and my very only marriage.

FirstandGoal
9/29/2007, 08:15 PM
Oh, yeah, a point on the bills:

Many divorce courts set up in the divorce decree which partner is responsible for paying what bill. The creditors are under no obligation to pay any attention to this. The best explanation for this I've heard is that since the creditor is not a party to any litigation, the court has no power to alter the creditor's contracts with anyone or release anyone from obligation under the creditor's contracts.

Not only is this the sad truth, but it has personally made my life a living hell for the last 3 years. Not only have I had to keep the obligations that I said I would, but I have had to pay on a car and a condo that I was not awarded and was not [according to the divorce decree] supposed to be paying for. Then when I finally got sick of it and let the car get repossessed, the #^&*#$&(*& ex-husband thought he would get all cute and try to take me back to court for contempt! :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad:

Seriously, whatever he does, make sure he gets an attorney because it is his only chance.