Hillbilly Sayin's

[VeeJay]

I met with some customers today and this old geezer from West Virginny was commenting about a business colleague who's not exactly pro-active with his business dealings.

The comment:

"I wouldn't pi$s in his a$s if his guts were on fire."

Any other goodies?

[sanantoniosooner]

It's not Rocket Surgery

[Sooner_Havok]

shines like a diamond in a billy goats @ss

[sanantoniosooner]

If a frog had wings it wouldn't bump its rear

[Sooner_Havok]

if the river were whiskey, and I were a duck, I'd swim to the bottom and never come up

[Fraggle145]

Hotter'n two rats ****in in a wool sock

[olevetonahill]

When my Sister an I flew to californy last feb. The HAWT stewardess , Came asked me If she could my drinks glass thingy . I said sure "ya need to get your Doings done "
Eviednly I Im pressed hell outta her cause as we deplaned she cornered me and asked me to repeat !:)

[goingoneight]

IT AIN'T TRUE!!!!111!!!1 [hairGel]

[Sooner_Havok]

More scared than a long-tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs

[soonerboomer93]

shaking like a dog passing a peach pit

[Rogue]

Busier'n a one-legged man in an ***-kickin' contest.

[afs]

you just hold the horns, I'm ****ing this goat.

[Sooner Born Sooner Bred]

My grandma used to say He makes my *** crave a dip of snuff.

[sooner_born_1960]

If brains were dynamite he couldn't blow his hat off.

[Okla-homey]

After my wreck yesterday, the cop asked one of the witnesses if the guy who hit me ran the red light. The witness he asked, in fine hillbilly fashion responded, "Sir, that light was redder'n a baboon's a$$."

Me likey.

[OKLA21FAN]

let er rip

[SoonerJack]

Regarding weather:

It was colder than a well digger's ***. Or a witches *** in a brass bra.
It was hotter than two goats effing in a pepper patch.

[David Earl]

Dad always said, "Happy as a dead pig in the sunshine".

Grandma used to say, "Hotter than blue blazes".

Busy as a one-armed paper hanger.
Busy as a cranberry merchant.

Beat like a...
circus monkey
red-headed stepchild
borrowed mule
tied up goat.

Hot as a tomcat.
Colder than witch spit in a tin cup.

Run like a scaled dog.

[mikeelikee]

"Okay boys, guess it's time to pi$$ on the fire and call in the dogs"

"Strong enough to drive a dog off a gut wagon"

Concerning parents bragging on their own children, "Everyone's crow is the blackest"

[JohnnyMack]

Pistols firing!

[Okla-homey]

fartin' like a pack mule.

[OCUDad]

There's an a** for every saddle.

[soonerscuba]

The sheriff is near.

[TopDaugIn2000]

my former boss:
"I'm so hungry I could eat the a$$ end out of a skunk"
"she/he's no bigger than a popcorn fart"

my grandpa when he put too much on his plate:
"I was like a chigger on a doughnut"

[OKLA21FAN]

The sheriff is near.
what did he say?

[rufnek05]

**** on a shingle?

[OULOVE]

Gooder than Grits.

Red on the head like a d**k on a dog.

[soonersweetie]

sh** or get off the pot

colder than a witch's ti**y

[OKLA21FAN]

good enuff fer goberment work

[rufnek05]

good enuff for the gals i gos wit.

[StoopTroup]

http://www.flagandbanner.com/f-b-images/dflag230001.jpg

"THE STATE'S UNIVERSITY"

[C&CDean]

Rainin' like a 3-****ed cow ****in' on a flat rock.

[C&CDean]

Hornier than a 3-dicked billy goat.

[StoopTroup]

You can catch more flies with honey than vinegar, assuming you want to catch flies.

[StoopTroup]

Don't go huntin' with a fellow named Dean. ;)

[StoopTroup]

He's got on his Sunday-go-ta-meetin' clothes.

[Condescending Sooner]

He lies so much he has to pay someone else to call his dogs.

[Condescending Sooner]

He's so ugly, he has to sneak up on the drinkin fountain.

[olevetonahill]

Hes crookeder than a dogs hind leg
Man Im succin Hind tit .
Hes so full of **** hed climb a tree to tell a lie , rather than stand on the ground to tell the truth .

[pb4ou]

my uncle usually says...

"useless as t!ts on a boy hog."

heh

[Rogue]

If it has tits or wheels, it's gonna give ya trouble eventually.

[olevetonahill]

I never heard this till Just a few minutes ago
An OLD dude said" hes gonna get drunker than a walston piszant "

[OKLA21FAN]

'Ride with Pride'

and if that doesn't work

'Pistols firing'

and if that doesn't work

'I am 40'

[Jeopardude]

Slicker than snot on a doorknob.

[Okla-homey]

Madder than a Keebler elf demoted to fudge packer.

[Whet]

Why that feller don't know sheet from shine-ola!

[CatfishSooner]

if it's about to rain-

"Well, looks like its gonna **** on us..."

[CatfishSooner]

pizz

[mikeelikee]

He's so ugly his momma had to tie a pork chop bone around his neck, just to get the dog to play with him.

[Turd_Ferguson]

I was doing a job in JAX Fla. and had a driller from NC on the site. I was complaining about how big the mosquitoes were, and he said "Son, we got mosquitoes back home that can stand flat footed and **** a turkey". I LMMFAO.

[olevetonahill]

Hes dumber than a dayum Catfish ! all Mouth and No brains !:pop:

[mikeelikee]

She was so skinny she had to jump around in the shower to get wet.

[Shamrock]

He's full'a more sh!t than an outhouse at a diarrhea convention.

[OzarkSooner]

I always liked:

That's slicker than cat mess on the kitchen floor.

[Sooner_Havok]

Lamer than a one legged man in an @ss whoopin' competition.

[OmaniacU]

It's hotter dan 2 rats****en in a wool sock...

I'm sweatin like Jenni C. try'in to writ a letter to Gumby....

I'd rather J***-O** a bobcat with a hand full of cockelburs than **** with this s**t...

It's drier than a popcorn fart...

That stuff makes me fart like a pea fed mule...

That stud horse a com'in like a cement mixer...

[SoonerTerry]

Sweatin like a whore in church..

Busier'na 3-dicked billy goat in a fugin match..

Madderna 1 legged ethiopian chasin a doughnut down a hill..

that dog won't hunt..

And my favorite ever, this needs a little esplainin.. Grandma was gripin at grandpa for one thing or another and grandpa says "you know what that is in south africa?"
Grandma looka funny and says.. No

granda pay says "tough Sheet!!!"

[VeeJay]

Squealin' like a pig stuck under a gate

I think I heard that one from an old boy from Mississippi State.

[swardboy]

Well I'll swan......

[Robby6pack]

You can't swing a dead cat without hittin...........

Red on the noodle like a pecker on a poodle

[HoserSooner]

"Meaner than a half-f**ked barn owl."

"That could knock a buzzard off a s**t wagon."

[stoopified]

I'm soo tired my butts dragging behind.About after I get home there will be a knock at the door and my butt will want in.

[Condescending Sooner]

She's got a face the would give a warthog the dry heaves.

She could make a freight train take a dirt road.

She's so cross-eyed, when she cries tears run down her back.

[Condescending Sooner]

He's all hat and no cattle. (full of s**t)

[bakerjrb]

(He's so dumb)
- he doesn't know "come 'ere" from "sic 'em".....
- he's one enchilada short of a combination plate.....
and my all-time favorite:
- he's not the sharpest knife in the drawer.....

jrb

[Cam]

Gonna go talk to a man about a horse

Over yonder

Hey ya'll, watch this (followed quickly by some sort of injury)

[Whet]

Junior shuda won that race!

[soonerloyal]

He lies more'n a dog on a hot summer day.

I'll beat you so hard your dawg'll bleed.

I'm gonna knock you into the middle of next week. Or so hard you'll forget your name.

Madder'n a wet hen. Or a beat cat in a cotton sack.

She's so flustered, she's runnin' around like a chicken with its head cut off.

I'll be on you like a duck on a June bug.

[Czar Soonerov]

BOOMER SOONER!!!!!! THAT'S SOME HILLBILLY **** RIGHT THERE.

[Turd_Ferguson]

I'll be on you like a rat on a cheeto.

I'll be on you like a hobo on a bologna sammich.

I'll be on your *** like a pair of cactus britches.

[Viking Kitten]

I'm gonna be so much more careful about whom I invite to poker night from now on.

[olevetonahill]

I'm gonna be so much more careful about whom I invite to poker night from now on.
whens this ****ing hillbilly gonna get an Invite ?
Not that I could make it , But an Invite would make feel good .

[M]

I think the phrase "I-35, NORMAN" is pretty hillbilly.

[Viking Kitten]

whens this ****ing hillbilly gonna get an Invite ?
Not that I could make it , But an Invite would make feel good .

C'mon! Just because Goober Girl and I are out doesn't mean you can't still buy in!

[olevetonahill]

Ill put My boot so far up your *** , your breath will smell like shoe polish fer a week !

[olevetonahill]

C'mon! Just because Goober Girl and I are out doesn't mean you can't still buy in!
Where ?

[M]

"I'm Bobby Reid's momma we're gonna come get some fried chicken through the drive thru beeotch!!!!"

[M]

Where ?



I-35 NORMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

[olevetonahill]

I-35 NORMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
See I cant make it that fur a piece tonight !

[OmaniacU]

she's so ugly she'd knock a buzzard off a s**t wagon at fiddy paces.

I'll kisk ur *** so hard u'll have to open ur mouth to wipe.

i'd walk thru a mine field just to hear her fart over a field microphone.

I'd go naked all year long just to stand in a pool of her warm pee.

Nuttier than a port-a-potty at the Binger peanut festival.

Busier dan a one armed mechanic at a rednecks funeral with one set of jumper cables.

u'll aint gonna bleave dis s**t.

Yep he's s**tin in tall cotton, he's a big butter & egg man...

Why he's the best man that evar stuck his D**K in a shetland pony..

[Okla-homey]

No matter how hawt she looks, somebody, somewhere is fed-up and tired of her sh_t.

[Old Pride Member]

He's one brick shy of a load.

Her porch light's on, but nobody's home.

He's a couple'a beers short of a six pack.

That's slicker than snot on a marble.

That's the neatest thing ever since sliced bread.

:O